Quiskaeya

Farewell to a Blog - Going Forward IRL

2012-01-04T14:01:00.002-05:00

HNY dear blog friends! Did 2012 arrive as unexpectedly for you as it did for me?? I swear I blinked and BAM! twenty-twelve appeared. Although, the new year came quite surprisingly fast, I'm sooo excited for this new year. I can't remember having this level of anticipation for any year as I have for 2012. Well, that's probably an understatement since nothing can top the level of excitement and anticipation I felt in the separate years my kids were born.

So here we are and I find myself at a huge crossroad and the direction I need to take is crystal clear. Although I have complete clarity as to where I am heading, the realization is bitter sweet. I have a couple of great opportunities ahead of me and when I ponder whether I should throw myself full throttle into these opportunities or try to maintain my blogging efforts, blogging seems to pale in comparison. It's not that I don't like blogging anymore, it's simply that my interests have changed - drastically. I supposed this has been the case for quite some time, but I was in denial about it. I made a miserable attempt to revive this blog and even thought if I shifted my interest to a new topic (hence my other blog) that I might regain my passion for blogging.

The truth is, I've run my course with blogging and I'm ready to move on. I've enjoyed sharing my family, my eclectic/eccentric thoughts and ideas, and and and... with you. Some of you have become close personal friends whom will continue to be my friends long after this blog is forgotten. The way you've opened your blogs to me and even the fact that some of you have invited me to contribute to your blogs and blogging projects, has been a complete honor. From the hormonal pregnant mom who started this blogging journey to the woman I am today, I can undeniably say the blogosphere has contributed to my growth to some degree.

I will leave this blog static for a time as I go through the many posts to see what I'd like to keep and dispose of. One day I'd like to pass this little piece of me on to my boys when then can appreciate it.

Words cannot adequately express my gratitude that others would find my crazy writings worth a second glance, but I thank you, Thank You for the times that you stopped by.

Farewell Quiskaeya, farewell.

Trying to Get My Blogging Groove Back

2011-09-06T12:00:00.000-04:00

When I look at my posts over the 9-10 mos, I'm baffled - maybe even a little sad - at the lack of blogging I've done. I can literally count on one ~~hand~~ finger how many posts there are for this year, because the shocking number is a resounding ONE. After 3 1/2 years of strong, dedicated blogging, how I came to an abrupt halt with no warning, is beyond me. I really can't say what happened. If I had a touching, pull-at-your-heart-strings kinda story, it would completely justify being away for so long. But the honest truth is, I don't have one.
Ana Gazawi
Busy?
Ana Gazawi Ana Gazawi Ana Gazawi Ana Gazawi Ana Gazawi Ana Gazawi Ana Gazawi Ana Gazawi
Sure, I could blame it on being extra busy - which I am - but then when am I ever not extra busy. That's the story of my life. Single mom. Never enough time. Always playing catch up. What's new... Therefore, using busy-ness as my excuse just seems like a cop-out.
Ana Gazawi Ana Gazawi Ana Gazawi Ana Gazawi Ana Gazawi Ana Gazawi Ana Gazawi Ana Gazawi
Fodder? Ana Gazawi Ana Gazawi Ana Gazawi Ana Gazawi Ana Gazawi Ana Gazawi Ana Gazawi
Ana Gazawi Ana Gazawi Ana Gazawi Ana Gazawi Ana Gazawi Ana Gazawi Ana Gazawi Ana Gazawi

Oh definitely not that! My life is made for movies. I always have plenty of blog fodder. Paramount, Warner Bros., Touchstone - any of you elite production companies takers for recreating my life into a movie? I promise it's guaranteed to be blockbuster. HA!
Ana Gazawi Ana Gazawi Ana Gazawi Ana Gazawi Ana Gazawi Ana Gazawi Ana Gazawi Ana Gazawi
Life? Ana Gazawi Ana Gazawi Ana Gazawi Ana Gazawi Ana Gazawi Ana Gazawi Ana Gazawi
Ana Gazawi Ana Gazawi Ana Gazawi Ana Gazawi Ana Gazawi Ana Gazawi Ana Gazawi Ana Gazawi

Life surely keeps on happening(just like it's supposed to if you're breathing, God willing) and somehow, timemanages to slip away much too fast. My plate is full, no doubt. Life, certainly keeps me on my toes, but despite all I have nothing to complain about. I'd rather have too much on my plate, than not enough. I seem to operate better when it's crunch time and the adrenaline level is high.
Ana Gazawi Ana Gazawi Ana Gazawi Ana Gazawi Ana Gazawi Ana Gazawi Ana Gazawi Ana Gazawi
So? Ana Gazawi Ana Gazawi Ana Gazawi Ana Gazawi Ana Gazawi Ana Gazawi Ana Gazawi
Ana Gazawi Ana Gazawi Ana Gazawi Ana Gazawi Ana Gazawi Ana Gazawi Ana Gazawi Ana Gazawi
What is the cause of my deficiency in blogging, asks you? Well...hmmm...I just seemed to have experienced a distinct lack of interest in it over my hiatus. Maybe, it was due to a bit of writer's block - which seems like a paradox since I never run out of stuff to write about. Case in point: my obnoxiously long run-on sentences. Hehehe ;-)
Ana Gazawi Ana Gazawi Ana Gazawi Ana Gazawi Ana Gazawi Ana Gazawi Ana Gazawi Ana Gazawi
Sorry. Ana Gazawi Ana Gazawi Ana Gazawi Ana Gazawi Ana Gazawi Ana Gazawi Ana Gazawi
Ana Gazawi Ana Gazawi Ana Gazawi Ana Gazawi Ana Gazawi Ana Gazawi Ana Gazawi Ana Gazawi

The truth is, what I'm most sorry about is that I abandonned your blogs. I miss you, I really do. I know that sounds sappy and all, but each of the blogs that I used to frequent added something uniquely "you" to my day. I couldn't wait to run to your blogs to find out what was the latest funny story, or thought provoking idea, or inspirational tale, or even the mundane, trivial things you spoke about, were interesting. I'm trying to get my blogging groove back. I can't promise that I'll be regular like I used to, at first. But hopefully, with some time I'll be back into the swing of things and getting all up in your blogging business. LOL.

Happy 3rd Birthday Sweet Baby Boy!

2010-12-10T10:57:00.000-05:00

Words can not express how much I love you!

A Father's Tribute to His Transracially Adopted Daughter

2010-11-16T14:54:00.003-05:00

Did you know that November is Adoption month? No? Yes, my lovely readers, it is. In light of that, this month I will showcase various tidbits from around the web that speak on adoption. I'm sure many of you have seen the Sesame Street video below - it's gone viral since its release. Who can blame it for becoming an instant sensation? The video's adorable character and catchy tune are simply irresistible. Beyond that, the message it conveys certainly is one that will resonates loudly with girls of color, since many of them struggle with the image of their hair.

While I find the video adorable in all it's bouncy, bubbly glory, I thirsted to know what prompted Sesame Street to create a video such as this - and now. Was it for viewership and to grapple at a broader audience? I'll admit the producers of Sesame Street have done a decent job at incorporating diversity in a good portion of their programming. However, even they have missed opportunities at times to be more inclusive of diversity. Therefore, I wondered if the timing of this video was intentional.

As it would happen, my investigation lead me to discover some information I hadn't expected to find. The creator of this video, Joey Mazzarino, is the head writer at Sesame Street. He and his wife, a Caucasian couple, adopted a beautiful Ethiopian girl.

In his own words, Mazzarino describes what inspired him to write the song. "She (his daughter) wanted to have long blond hair and straight hair, and she wanted to be able to bounce it around,"

Mazzarino began to worry that his daughter might be battling with the dynamics of being in a transracial adoption. However, he soon discovered that hair challenges & pressures are very deeply rooted in black community. In my opinion, I think Mazzarino should be commended for his work. However, I realize that controversy abounded as a result of this video. It appears that some people in the black community were offended that the Muppet's hair changed texture and had length in some of the scenes, thereby not resembling black hair in their opinion. They feel the message is conflicting in that it encourages black girls to love their hair, yet the Muppet sports hairstyles that would require them to straighten or purchase synthetic hair in order to have those styles.

What say you, my lovelies? What are your thoughts? Thumps up or Thumps Down?

The Importance of Your Child's Name

2010-11-09T13:47:00.003-05:00

::sniffles:: 19 weeks prego w/ my 2nd born

Oh the joy of knowing a baby is on the way. Certainly, preparing for baby can be an overwhelming experience, but dreaming about what this growing life two people have created will look like, overshadows any stress involved. There's a lot that goes into planning for baby. Family and friends need to be notified. Clothes, baby items and furniture must be bought. Co-sleeping? Bottle or breast? Baby-wearing? Home birth or Hospital birth? Cloth diapers or disposables? Phew - Just thinking about it wears me out and I'm not even expecting!

Nonetheless, there is one aspect of preparing for baby that might be the most daunting of all and that's naming the baby. Mom has her ideas and Dad has his. Then there are the family members and in-laws that often want to chime in. Should the child's name pay homage to a parent, grandparent or dear friend?

The name game can take on an added facet when the couple is multicultural or even interracial. Should the name honor both heritages? Will there be a language or cultural barrier when non-English speaking family members try to embrace the name? These are valid concerns to think about and I know families confronted with this challenge. My own family dealt with this.

An aerial view of my super preggo 7mth belly. lol

Personally, I like names that I can mentally perceive being preceded by the title Dr.; or names that I envision being called out at an honorary award ceremony for the Pulitzer or Nobel Peace Prize. I like names that have a meaning and significance that I hope my children will embrace. Yea, I dream big for my boys, but what parent doesn't, hopefully. But I have to dream big for my boys. There are just too many negative images and sterotypes in the media with disparaging attitude toward minority boys (particularly black boys) it's practically as if society see boys as being doomed before they've even started.

In a recent article on Madame Noire, the editor tackled the question of whether black parents are wrongly attacked for choosing ethnic names. In all honesty, some of the ethnic, reclaim our African roots, names some black parents choose for their children merit a raised eyebrow. I realize the black empowerment movement of the 60s that lead to many black parents opting for more Afro-centric names, was an effort to shed "slave" connotations and regain ethnic pride. I get all that. However, personally I'm not on that bandwagon that feels we need to go back to Africa to gain pride and purpose. Quite frankly, Africans aren't thinking about us and rightfully so. It's high time blacks in the western hemisphere started concentrating on what we have on this side of the globe and work harder to build on that. ::stepping off soapbox and setting down mic::

Coming back around from that tangent I went on, when I encounter names like Bacardi for a boy or Taquila for a girl, I'm left scratching my head. What was this black parent thinking when they named their child? Was the child named in remembrance of a night of too much alcohol and wild times? ::shakes head and chuckles::

I remember reading an article about baby names shortly after President Obama took office. There was a surge in black parents naming their children Barack. Was it whimiscal thinking to believe that if President Obama could achieve the most prestigious position in the land with his name, that all children will have the same success? I really don't know...

I'm seeing future surgeons or world leaders right here!

However, Msnbc.com reported that MIT and the University of Chicago found that job applicants with names that sounded ethnic got overlooked when it came to the hiring process. The researchers sent out 5,000 fake resumes, and it turned out that resumes with African American names such as Tyrone and Tamika were less likely to get calls from prospective employers than their Anglo-sounding counterparts, and qualifications seemed to have little impact. Some studies have shown that ethnic names have as high as 50% less callback rate than "white" sounding names.

Here a list of some of the names that potentially receive discriminate responses by potential employers:

Girls: Aisha, Keisha, Tamika, Lakisha, Tanisha, Latoya, Kenya, Latonya and Ebony
Boy: Rasheed, Tremayne, Kareem, Darnell, Tyrone, Hakim, Jamal, Leroy, Jermaine

Here's a list of some of the names that receive the highest responses:

Girls: Emily, Anne, Jill, Allison, Laurie, Sarah, Meredith, Carrie, Kristen,
Boys: Todd, Neil, Geoffrey, Brett, Brendan, Greg, Matthew, Jay, Brad

I don't know if my kids' names will be a stumbling block or a door opener to opportunities for them. In my mind's eye I see my kids doing great things when they're adults. I'm claiming it for them and I try my best to nurture a successful attitude in them. But truly at the end of the day, regardless of their names, I just want them to be happy confident, happy individual, with good values.

So what say you, my lovelies? What inspired you to name your child his/her name? Did you think about how it could impact them in life?

Hair Evolution NOT Hair Revolution

2010-11-03T10:19:00.004-04:00

Natural Hair Affirmation: It's interesting that to keep my hair the same texture that it grows out of my head is looked at as revolutionary ~ Tracie Thoms

The beginning of my loc journey. Look at my 2ndborn he was 1 mth. Little chunker!

I gave up the creamy crack about 12-13 years ago. It was the beginning of my hair evolution. I stress hair evolution because at the time, some people accused me of having a hair revolution, which wasn't my intention at all. I understand there are some hair naturalistas that can become pretty militant about going natural. If you aren't using shea butter, bees wax or any other similar earthy product, then you're using processed products and therefore your hair has been chemically altered and it really isn't natural anymore. Yep, some naturalistas are really that anal; it's a cardinal sin in their natural hair Bible.

A year and a half later my locs were getting long.

On that same token, I have been subjected to ridicule by some of my perming sisters that act as though going natural is a revolutionary stance. Personally, I stopped perming my hair because I had become a semi crunchy, pale green kinda girl and natural hair fit right into that lifestyle. I'm not a hardcore crunchy, but it's definitely important to me. I used to talk about it all the time over here, but I'm thinking of starting a separate blog for my crunchy talk. When I first went au naturale, I mainly twisted my hair at night and then kept it free in the day. Two years ago I decided to loc my hair. Since I'm a girl who likes to switch it up ever few years, this past summer I took a locing break and had my hair in braids. Now, I'm thinking of trying sisterlocs.

I'm all about simple and worry-free hairstyles since I hate to fuss with my hair. Natural hair has afforded me a certain level of freedom that permed hair didn't. I remember in the early years of going natural some of the crazy reactions I received from some friends & family. Oh boy!

Why did you cut off your hair? You have such naturally long hair!

My final loc pic. I cut them off in July. I think I'll try sisterlocs.

Girl are you joining that natural hair revolutionary movement - power to the black women stuff? (This was asked in a joking way, but still it was irritating)

Have you become a rastafarian? (These types of questions came when I started loc-ing my hair)

I can laugh about it now because I've grown very comfortable with my natural hair. I remember a time when I would walk into a room with black women and my hair would seem to say to them "I'm a militant black woman!". I felt as though I had joined the black panthers of natural hair. It's crazy the hair wars in our community. Black women go natural for different reasons. For some it's a sign of wanting to go against the status-quo (the hair revolutionist); for other women it's because of bad experiences with perming and still others go natural because it's becoming a trendy thing to do. However, I feel the vast majority of women who go natural do so for the simplicity and the ease of managing natural hair.

I had braids over the summer. It was a nice change.

Once a woman gets the hang of maintaining her natural tresses it's one of the most liberating experiences (at least in my case - others may beg to differ). I love that I can wash my hair as many or as few times as I want and keep it moving. No need to sit for hours under the drier and as a matter of fact air blown hair is healthier on natural hair anyway. Often times a simple morning conditioning rinse, along with a light touch of olive and/or coconut oil is all I need to get my hair looking ready for the day. If I want more defined curls I'll opt for a deep conditioning and rinse; followed by massaging a decent amount of Curls Goddess Glaze (CGG)or Miss Jessie's Stretch Silkening Creme (MJSSC) and then I'll twist my hair. If I want serious definition in my curls I'll leave the twist in for 2 days and then untwist my hair, followed by a light touch of CGG or MJSSC and I am good to go! Love it!

Seriously, I could never go back to permed hair - ever. I realize natural hair isn't for every black woman. But in my opinion natural hair really isn't that deep, so I'm not sure why all the crazy reactions to it. You do you and I'll do me, is the way I see it. It's that simple. And as for me, I fully intend to keep on being a naturalista.

What is it that keeps black women going at each other about their hair? Is the media to blame or do we perpetuate this war among ourselves? What say you, my lovelies?

Facebook & Kids

2010-11-02T12:02:00.006-04:00

I was reading an article on Reuter.com that asked should parents friend their kids on facebook. Ummm yeah! It amazes me that anyone would even question this. Some of the parents in the article actually had uncertain feelings about invading their children's privacy. I'm probably old-fashioned in my thinking, but I think that children should be given limited (very limited) privacy rights when they are young that increase as they show themselves to be responsible and mature.

Last year my 9yo asked me to open a facebook account for him. He was 8 at the time and I couldn't fathom why an 8 yo should be on facebook. Later, I found out some of his classmates had facebook accounts and this is why he was asking for one. This year his dad opened an account for him, much to my chagrin. While I still think that he's too young to have an account, it's worked out well. Why? Firstly, I am on his friend list and secondly, because I am ALL OVER his activities on facebook. Yes, I repeat All.Over.His.Activities.

His account is linked to my cell phone so I'm notified of everything that happens on his account and I can hop onto it anytime I want to check on things. We do not allow him to accept or invite friends. Currently, only family friends or family members are allowed as friends and not all of them can see everything on his account (e.g. some can't see pictures). We already had an internet usage rule that we set up for him and facebook goes right into that plan. He can't use the computer without permission and the computer he uses has parental securities so he's only allowed to visit certain sites. So far everything has been good and he only uses facebook to play games with his FB friends.

I realize that the boundaries we have in place for my 9yo are very rigid and strict. However, even if my son was 13, 14 or an older teen, I would still put some restrictions on him. I am sure that when he's 16 he'll be more responsible than when he's 13, so I believe restrictions should fit the child's maturity level. Nonetheless, whether he is 17yo or 9 yo I would still expect to be a friend on his list. The bottom line is that children need guidance and age appropriate boundaries no matter how old they are. When it comes to internet predators, they've managed to find a way to prey on children of all ages. While my child might want to be on facebook for innocent reasons, it's unfortunate that predators can take lighthearted activities and turn them into an opportunity to violate our children.

What are your thoughts on facebook and children or even children and the internet?

Join Black Women with Biracial Children Group

2010-10-30T12:42:00.002-04:00

Are you a black woman in an interracial relationship? Are you a black woman with multiracial children? If either scenario fits you, please listen up.

Join an exciting group for women just like you who can relate to your experience. Come make new friends or reconnect with old or familiar friends in a great place that fosters learning, growing, sharing and connecting.

Click here to join. Join now!

RIP the Sony Cassette Walkman

2010-10-28T10:42:00.001-04:00

Rest in peace Sony cassette Walkman, rest in peace. You sure gave me some good times, fun times, I'll never forget. Man, do I remember my first Walkman. I was probably 9 or 10 years old and it was yellow. All my friends either had a yellow or black Walkman. The Walkman for us, was like having an iPod today. Every kid had one and it was the gadget to have. Ah man. Good times. Fun times.

All the neighborhood kids would hang out after school with our Walkmans attached to our heads boppin' to the beats of MJ & Janet. There was always one crazy kid in the bunch who swore he could do the moonwalk better than Michael and would break out in some funky moves, followed by trying to do the head spin on the sidewalk. We'd all follow in suit trying to prove who was the best dancer in our crew. We're lucky none of us end up with head injuries as a result of our shenanigans. Ah man. Good times. Fun times.

At home, I would listen to my walkman while dancing in front of the mirror. The off-key sounds of Rick Astley, Debbie Gibson, Tiffany and Madonna could be heard belting from mouth as I pretended to be a superstar. Ah man. Good times. Fun times.

That was the era of big hair, acid washed jeans and exaggerated make-up. Yeah man, I remember all too well my puffy bangs and how I tried to sneak on make up when I got older. My bangs were so big it was hard to tell if they were bangs or a bun. Oh, don't let me get started on the make up. It always appeared as though I had black & blue bruised eyes because the application was so heavy. But let's talk about the shows back then. Who could forget the sitcoms & t.v. programs of the 80's. By far the 80's produced the best shows ever! The Cosby Show, Family Ties, Growing Pains and too many others to recall. And networks don't make Saturday morning programing nearly as good as they did back then. Anyone remember Punky Brewster and the Smurfs? Ah man. Good times. Fun times.

Dear sweet Sony cassette Walkman... Remembering the times I had with you brings back memories of so many wonderful moments. But you're gone and life must go on. And in your passing you remind me of just how old I truly am. Yes, indeed. Do you know my 9yo had no idea what a Walkman is and could barely recall a cassette tape? I had to give him a history lesson. But it's okay, because even though he will never know you, dear sweet Walkman, I will never forget you. You were part of some truly good times, fun times. Yeah man, good times, fun times...

I See in Color

2010-10-26T09:54:00.015-04:00

I see in color...
I didn't always see in color. As a matter of fact I can remember the distinct moment in my life when I started seeing in color. The revelation that color existed occurred on my 10th birthday. A friend had given me a Barbie and my eyes lit up with excitement at the sight of the beautiful doll. She was so exotic with her long wavy ebony hair and caramel complexion.

My friend's mother upon seeing my complete thrill over the doll exclaimed with glee, "Ana, now you have a Barbie that looks just like you! We thought you should have a brown barbie because you're brown!"

Truth be told, it wasn't the Barbie's caramel color that made me cherish her as the mother had thought. It was the fact that she was a beautiful and I LOVED Barbie dolls. She could have been black & white with pink polka dots and I wouldn't have cherished her any less. I remember going to my friend's house afterward and her mother would ask me if I brought my brown Barbie along. She put such a great emphasis on the dolls color after awhile I started feeling uncomfortable going to my friend's house.

I see in color...
Years passed and I migrated to the US to go to College. One Saturday morning at college I was hanging out with a bunch of girlfriends and one of the girls divulged that she thought that black girls were "ghetto". I sat there completely stunned as my other friends agreed with her and started talking negatively about some of the black girls on our hall. I quietly contemplated if I should say something or just sit there horrified. One of the girls must have noticed the look on my face and the fact that I was completely silent.

She quickly said, "Oh Ana! We aren't talking about you. Were talking about black girls. Plus you aren't really black anyway, you're more like us." I gave a very sheepish smile, but it was again the awakening to the fact that the world sees in color.

I see in color...
I graduated from college to a new knowledge and understanding about seeing in color, but I still wasn't completely affected by it. I continued to wear my rose colored glasses and didn't see the world in black and white as those around me did. As a young college grad I was career oriented and fortunately I did land a great job. I ran into subtle examples of racism and sexism that reminded me of my college experience, but for the most part I was blind to most situations. One day I was asked by my department head to attend a company conference at the corporate headquarters. As I sat at the conference awaiting the speakers to begin, I looked around the room and thought, "Wow! Am I the only person of color at this conference??" There had been countless times before where I was the lone or token black person representing, but it wasn't something I gave much thought. When I returned to work a few days later I mentioned to a few co-workers that I noticed a lack of diversity at the conference. An older black woman whispered to me that she was surprised the department head had sent me since I was a young black woman.

It was at the conference that I realized that I had finally started seeing in color. Something that had never affected me before (the lack of diversity), now had become important to me. Albeit, I was now seeing in color I also realized I didn't like the way society saw in color. Society seemed to use color as a crutch for prejudice and racism; to hold some down or keep others out.

I see in color...
I was raised seeing diversity. My family was a rainbow of various complexions and hues, made up of brown, white and tan colors all brought together through adoption and birth. Growing up in Haiti, I was exposed to both cultural and ethnic diversity, so it was nothing new to me. Honestly, I don't have a problem with seeing in color. As a matter of fact I think it's good to see in color and even as a child I probably saw in color (i.e. recognized the world is constructed of different racial complexions & groups). However, the danger in seeing in color comes in when doing so creates a system of judging others. Unfortunately, our society uses color to separate, divide and develop othering. As a parent of multiracial children I've come to understand nurturing my boys with the ability to see color without making them conscious of it all the time is a precarious task. I don't want my children to be colorblind and to think that if you see color it's a bad thing. I want them to see color for the beauty diversity is and that the many shades we are all made up of makes each individual unique and special. It's a two-fold process to raise child to appreciate color and it starts with talking about our views on race at home as well as exposing them to diversity in the world around them. Check out this fascinating videos on kids & race. It's a real eye opener.

Friday Foodie: Vegetarian Pizza

2010-10-22T11:18:00.000-04:00

I have no clue why I don't become a vegetarian - seriously. I LOVE vegetables and rarely eat meat these days. However, I know the minute I decide to turn into a full fledge vegetarian I'll probably have a huge craving for a juicy chicken breast or a deliciously broiled piece of fish. I don't eat red meat. As a matter of fact since having my 2nd born I can hardly stand the sight of beef. I think it's the left over reaction I had while pregnant with him. The taste, smell and thought of red meat made me think of dead people. Yes, I know - totally insane, right?

Hey for all you TTCers beware. Pregnancy does wild and crazy things to your emotions and senses. I couldn't eat chicken either because a whole chicken looked like a growing fetus. I kid you not. So the only protein I would eat was fish. However, my taste buds have since regained their appreciate of chicken and I thoroughly enjoy a variety of recipes that call for chicken.

Anyway, one of my favorite meals is pizza. I made the most a-ma-zing veggie pizza the other day and I had to share a picture of it. Don't be jelly once you see it. Hehe...I'll post the recipe one of these days - I promise :)

This scrumptious creature was made with zucchini, yellow squash, broccoli, mushrooms and onions. OOOOOH was it delish! Seriously, my mouth is watering now, just thinking about it. If you love veggies, you'll love this pizza.

Multilingual Children Have a Broader Worldview

2010-10-20T10:31:00.006-04:00

I enrolled my 9yo in his second year of Hebrew and his first year of comprehensive Spanish. Both programs put a strong emphasis on teaching conversational skills and not merely teaching the students the grammatical technicalities of each language. I am super excited about this learning experience for my son. ::Insert happy dance:: You may think I'm fanatically; maybe even a tad bit obsessive about raising my children to be multilingual. Perhaps, my curiosity about languages is due to my own fascination with linguistics and anthropology.

Possibly, my appreciation of languages started when I discovered books. I've always been an avid reader and I enjoy reading books about foreign countries during historical periods that transport you to different places and times. As I read these books I can hear the way the people sound and the words take on new meaning as I imagine the characters interacting in their native vernacular. For me, languages allows me to step into other cultures and to see life from a different point of view. Charlemagne summed it up perfectly in his quote "to have another language is to possess a second soul."

The reality is that languages truly do give a view into the way people understand or perceive the world around them. Languages have perpetually developed and evolved since the dawn of time and give us a distinct window into culture, tradition and worldview. Case in point, a phrase can be spoken in one language and if spoken in another language the meaning can change slightly or can totally be lost in translation. This is a common occurrence when I try to interpret common Haitian Kreyol expressions into English. Sometimes it's difficult to find an adequate English expression that holds the same meaning.

Conversely, when I speak to my family in Kreyol we often intermingle English words into our conversation because some concepts are better conveyed in English. I'm sure this is how Krenglish was born. Kreyol + English = Krenglish. (Inside joke. You probably won't appreciate the humor as much as I do.)

I was reading an analysis on languages that posed the question does language shape the way people think? For decades this question has dazzle academics and caused much controversy among scores of philosophers, anthropologists, linguists, and psychologists. Seventy-years ago Benjamin Lee Whorf tantalized our intellect with the baffling concept about language’s power over the mind that basically stated that our mother tongue restricts what we are able to think. In other words, a person's mother language infringes on a speaker's sensibility in such a way that it prevents him/her from grasping totally different realities expressed in other languages. Whorf's theory further claimed that if a language has no term for a certain thought, then its speakers would not be able to understand this idea.

As you can imagine Whorf's hypothesis is very problematic. Simply because languages relay perceptions in different ways or in some cases fail to express some perceptions, certainly does not mean that the speaker isn't able to embrace new perceptions. Nonetheless, I do agree that languages do hold a certain power over the speaker's reality. Perfect examples of this is the fact that in French, Spanish, Russian and German objects are either feminine or masculine. Often times when speakers of these languages are talking about objects in English they will continue to identify them as feminine or masculine and actually perceive them this way. Most astonishing, is the discovery by anthropologist John Haviland, that certain aboriginal groups communicate personal space (i.e. front, back, right, left, etc) in terms of geographical direction. Hence, if they are pointing to an object to the right of themselves they would say the object is to the west or southwest of their body opposed to saying the object is behind or to the left of themselves.

Arguments have perpetuated for centuries regarding whether languages influence the way people view the world or vice versa. I am in no way a scholar or a linguist to even think I could embark on this debate. Nonetheless, from my mind's eye and from what I've witnessed it's evident to me that there is something to be said about a group of people through the way they communicate. Studies have shown that languages that use grammatical genders (i.e. French, German, Spanish, etc.) to identify objects can shape the emotions and associations the speaker has toward objects around them.

Languages offer a passageway into a culture's inclination and priorities. Take for instance in the English sentence structures, it focuses on the doer of acts and the consequences of those actions. Ergo, our criminal justice system seeks to find the culprit (the doer) and hold him or her liable, rather than finding the victims and atoning them appropriately. In Japanese and Spanish there is no identification of the doer of an act. For example in English we would say "I wrecked my car." However, in Japanese and Spanish the same sentence would be said "The car wrecked itself."

Languages are human constructs that we invent and refine to suit our needs and culture. Languages allows us to uncover, to a degree, what makes us human, providing us a glimpse at the very characteristics of human nature. As we discover how languages and their people contrast, we ascertain that human beings too can differ tremendously, depending on the languages they speak.

One thing is certain it’s been proven that bi-lingual people think differently as they switch between languages. Encouraging my children learn new languages will help them have a broader worldview, which can help them develop divergent thinking, cultural sensitivity and may possibly even help solidify our Christian values.

It truly is the age old question about whether the chicken came first or the egg. Does language structure cultural beliefs or does culture influence our language? Perhaps it's both... What do you think?

image: flickr

My ONE Year Work at home Anniversary!

2010-10-11T08:16:00.002-04:00

This is how we do it when we work at home! LOL

Cut the cake! Throw some confetti! Let's do a little jig! Okay, okay.. So it doesn't warrant that kind of celebration, but I must say that a year ago when I was laid off from work I had no idea that 12 months later I would actually be a bona fide work at home Mom (WAHM). I certainly had hoped that I might be working from home. However, in the back of my mind I seriously had doubts.

Finding another J.O.B. just seemed like the most reasonable and easiest path to travel. I knew I could find another job, maybe not quickly, but with some ingenuity and networking another job would surely be mine. Plus, the fact I had very recently separated from Tar's Dad and the boys and I were adjusting to that change, made the thought of rejoining the outside workforce all the more appealing. Working from home as a single Mom just didn't see like a sensible thing to do. However, despite all the variables that tried to convince me to go back to the corporate world, I was also being pulled by an epiphany I had the morning of my 37th birthday. I could feel that a big change was going to happen, but I didn't know what it was.

As destiny would have it I lost my job and to the surprise of my family & friends (although they lent amazing support) AND myself I decided to give working at home a go. The journey thus far hasn't been without it's bumps. There have been times I had to look myself square in the face and say "You CAN do this!" I even took a 2 month job to help a friend simply because having the extra cushion seemed like a good idea. AND it was a good idea, because I ended up needing that cushion later on. I did freelance opportunities of various kinds - from customer service to web content writing and I even dabbled in social media marketing. I discovered that I genuinely enjoy writing and social media, and consequently that is were I am making the greatest effort to build my portfolio.

I learned that freelancers are easily expendable and that if you see an opportunity you want you can't be afraid to ~~whore~~ sell yourself. However, on the other end I discovered that if you make a great impression to your client they will be devoted and loyal to you even to the extent that they will send you a lovely spa package for your birthday. Awww - how sweet... ::blushes::

So, as you can see, it hasn't been easy, it hasn't always been smooth, but it's definitely been worth every learning experience along the way. And now that I've come this far there is no turning back. I finally figured out what I want to do when I grow up, so watch out world I'm coming for ya!

image: courtesy flickr

Arrested Development is BACK and going GREEN!

2010-10-05T09:37:00.001-04:00

Do you remember Arrested Development? I LOVE that group and then one sad day they just disappeared. But good news! They're BACK and this new joint is the jam!

I've had the real pleasure of following Jason “@therealjjboogie” Reichert tweets. Reicherts is the guitarist, writer & mixing engineer for Arrested Development. He is awesome! He's lent amazing support to NWNW, which I think is so giving of him. But beyond of that, I find that his tweets radiate so much kindness, gentleness and love which speak loudly of the beauty of his personality. I can't wait until Arrested Developments new album drops like hot potatoes! Because it will!

Curls. Curls. Everywhere.

2010-09-30T11:01:00.000-04:00

Tar, my secondborn, gets a lot of compliments on his curls. "Oh they're so beautiful!" or "Curls like that should be on a girl" (huh?) or "He has curls people pay money for!" The elderly women seem to particularly adore is curls and I get a kick out of their comments.

Not too long ago, I was in Walgreens and an elder lady stop us in the aisle to admire, Tar's curls. "Oh how precious! He looks just like my son at that age (for some reason Tar always looks like their son at that age). He had the most dreamy curls and then as he got older his curls disappeared. By the time he was 4 all his curls were gone. *releasing a deep sign* Well, enjoy those curls while they last, because before you know it his hair will be straight."

This is a picture of his hair freshly wet & moisturized.

I chuckled to myself because multiracial hair tends to do the opposite. Multiracial children can be born with very straight hair and then it can gradually turns curly within a few years. Of course, as a mother, it's nice to hear others shower sweet words on your child. However, in the back of my mind I can't help but think of the struggles I have to tame my dear child's hair. Tar's hair is a unique blend of soft, coarse and straight curls. He honestly has all three textures on his head. Also, his hair is dry by nature - particularly where his hair is coarse. I have to keep it moisturized, otherwise taming it isn't easy. My product of choice so far has been shea butter. Another thing about his hair is the drier it is the straighter it becomes and his curls aren't so defined. Also, the longer his hair is the less defined his curls are.

I always wet his hair and then moisturize it because if you saw his bedhead in the morning - whoa! His hair will be sticking out all over this place in a partly curly, partly straight disarray. Once his hair is wet his hair curls up nicely and then I put a light bit of shea butter on it to give it sheen and luster. That's pretty much my routine with his hair. I don't think I've ever comb or brushed Tar's hair. LOL! Seriously! I just wet, moisturize, tussle and go!

I never imaged that with having boys, I'd ever have to think about what types of products to use on their hair. But let me ask you folks:

What products have you personally tried and like on your multiracial children's hair?

NWNW: When Supporting a Cause is Cause for Self Examination

2010-09-28T14:12:00.266-04:00

"So, Ms. Gazawi. Tell me about No Wedding No Womb (NWNW) and why you joined this movement." The therapist asked without lifting his head, as he continued to scribble away on a notepad in his lap.

"Well the reason seemed simply enough at the time. NWNW is about encouraging men and women to want better for themselves and their children. The 70% out-of- wedlock (OOW) births in the black community signifies a break down in the family construct and I believe that strong families are the lifeblood of a health society." I responded, while reminiscing about the reasons that lead me to join the movement.

"Telling me what has joining this movement revealed to you about yourself?" The therapist asked in a slow, demure manner as he lifted his eyes in my direction and held my gaze for a moment, before returning them to the notepad.

I shifted nervously on the couch. I hadn't expected this question. Quite honestly, I really didn't appreciate it, because it seemed to imply I might have joined the movement for the wrong reasons or that my reasons for joining weren't well thoughtout.

My mind wandered off to what had ultimately lead me to join the movement and I momentarily lost myself in recollection. Initially, the name of the movement, No Wedding No Womb, had given me a bit of pause due to the fact that it seemed to imply that marriage was the cure all for the OOW problem. However, after doing my due diligence, I was put at ease. I decided to join NWNW because I felt it would be a great platform to provoke men and women to openly discuss the problem of OOW births and the importance of dual parental involvement in children's lives. My hope was that this conversation would open doors to a meaningful and engaging interaction that could potentially spawn change.Undoubtedly, discussion alone is not nearly enough. The next step must be creating solutions that ultimately lead to the implementation of those ideas.

The day of event I was full of excitement and it felt good to be apart of something that was sending a positive message. I expected that critics would eventually rear their heads. As a matter of fact, I looked forward to what they had to say. The best way to shape a movement (in my opinion) is to have a health balance of supporters and critics who can guide its purpose down the right path. Slowly, the critics began to surface and then quickly that trickling turned into a downpouring of nay-sayers. It wasn't their size that befuddled me it was who they were.

To my utter amazement, the biggest opponents of the movement were women, many of whom were themselves in the throws of baby mamahood or single motherhood. I understood how the movement's name could put some baby-mamas and even single mothers ill at ease. Remember? I said it had put me in an uncomfortable place for a moment as well. However, after I took the time to understand the foundational purpose of this movement I realized that it's about our children and how they deserve both parents.

I suppose I took it for granted that if I, a single mother, could be discerning that others in my shoes would be able to do the same. However, what I quickly found out is that the more explaining that was done to dispel the misconceptions the more aggressively opponents clutched onto their fallacies. Eventually the dispute completely deviated from the important issue, our children, and was taken in wild and incongruent tangents. Some examples: the movement was about bashing baby-mamas/single mothers, that our definition of baby-mamas was flawed, that NWNW was a movement to promote interracial marriages that, and the most absurd tangent of all, we wanted to promote marriage so that the divorce rate would go up (LOL...seriously? Simply ridiculous).

"Ummm..well...what did it reveal to me about myself? Well, I realize that passion drives people. That driving force can lead to frustration and frustration can thrust change or it can become a vehicle for completely irrational behavior. Doctor, for the first time I realize that there's a fine line between wanting to work for change and wanting to act irrational. I saw myself teetering on the edge of both because I was perplexed that so many black women don't see the enomity of the OOW problem and many more don't even care. This complacency scares me for my own children since this issue impacts their future. I guess I've learned just how disconcerning this problem is to me. I'm scared..."

Disclaimer: No therapy sections actually took place. Although, I might benefit from some after this movement...lol

No Wedding No Womb: The strong black woman

2010-09-22T00:00:00.016-04:00

Today - September 22nd - bloggers, writers, political pundits, filmmakers and many other will join together in a movement called No Wedding No Womb (NWNW). NWNW's purpose is to broadcast to the nation that participants stand in unison to say we want to be apart of changing the 72% out of wedlock births in the black community. This vision began as a "light bulb" moment by social activist Christelyn Karazin and has now taken on a life of it's own by her unrelenting dedication and energy for the this cause. Below is my contribution and if you would like to read other participants contribution click here.

She’s a strong black woman, that’s what she’s called. She can bring home the bacon, raise her family single handedly, nurture a boy into a man and teach her daughters how to handle life. She’s a strong black woman. At times it’s hard to distinguish her from the plantation Mamie. When put side by side their characteristics are the same, the mentality hasn’t changed. Centuries ago we birthed her out of necessity. The storyteller, Andrew Johnson, articulates her essence in his poem Black Women:

In times of Jim Crow you shouldered the weight, brought food home when I could not even work, borne the children, cleaned the house, and raised my children. A strong black woman.

For generations we’ve perpetuated her existence, celebrated her, relished and marveled about her. We owe our lives to her. She carried us in our most bitter times - through slavery and the civil rights. She was there in our most jubilant hour – with tears streaming down her face she choked the words Yes we can! as President Obama took his oath, knowing that sacrifices from mothers like her made it possible.

Why is it that her persona that once sustained us is now killing us? How is it that she has created a mentality that is uprooting our community at its foundation and yet we continue to give her praise? When did the metamorphosis from strong black woman to baby mama transpire and how did we not see this coming?

She’s everywhere, this strong black woman. I met her while working for the Department of Children & Families (DCF). Time after time she would recount her courageous stories through heartfelt tears and gut-wrenching candor. She’d share her remarkable tales of bravery to battle poverty and keep her children off the streets. I ran into her in corporate America. She wasn’t always conspicuous in her Rebecca Taylor suit, Nine West shoes and Coach hand-bag, but time always dispelled her facade. Education and position didn’t change her; she was a strong black woman rearing her family – alone.

At times I would ask her on the whereabouts of the children's father(s) while displaying visible disdain at his disappearance from their lives. Instantaneously, she would transform and her back would stiffen, she’d throw back her head and through pursed lips and beaded eyes she’d fume that her children didn’t need their father(s).

“I AM their father! I AM their mother! I AM all they need! They don’t need that good for nothing bastard!” A strong black woman would shriek in my office at DCF in such a loud manner her voice could be heard bellowing through the halls. A strong black woman in corporate America was far more demure, but would display much the same mannerisms whilst explaining “What can he do for my children? He can’t even maintain a job. What kind of father could he possibly be to them?”

I’d try to interject that even though she may not like her children’s father(s), the children needed the paternal connection and bond. “What about the children?” I’d ask. “Have you thought about how not having their father(s) around is hurting them?” Abruptly, she’d interrupt me and continue on a rampage that her children’s father(s) were useless, jobless, cheating, lying and the list would run on for hours if I allowed it.

A strong black woman needs to reexamine what really makes her strong; she needs to acknowledge that she might have weaknesses; she needs to look down on the innocent little face looking up at her. My fear is a strong black woman's attitude and complacency is depriving her children of one of the most basic rights they have and so desperately want – a father.

Strong Black Woman, please allow me to implore to you for a moment. I know your story: A deadbeat father who refuses to pay child support. A jobless father with no money. A cheating father who ran off with your best friend. A father who visits inconsistently.

Despite how little you may think of him, not allowing him into his children’s lives is killing them. Although, not all of your children are going to ruin, many of them are. Many of your sons are developing into men with no identity. And many of your daughters are growing into women who can’t recognize healthy male attention. Strong Black Woman we need to stop the revolving cycle of fatherlessness and end the perception that our women will only settle to be baby-mama. Strong Black Woman it's never too late to fight for your children so they won't end up a lost, confused and aimless people who have no vision and no self-worth. Many have already reached this point, but we can stop many more from getting there.

Strong Black Woman, lay down your arrogance. Suck up your pride. Admit that you cannot parent your children alone any longer. Your children’s hearts are bleeding for their father’s presence. Strong Black Woman, I know you hear their cries. Can you really afford to stifle the sounds of their pain any longer? Turn to your brother – your children’s father, your grandfather, your father, your male sibling, your uncle, a strong male figure – and tell him you need his help in raising our nation’s future. By doing this, my Strong Black Woman, you will exemplify the true essence of the strong black woman; for she is not afraid to admit that she can’t raise her children on her own. It takes a village to raise a child and the starting place is with Mom and Dad. The matter is urgent. Turn to your brother now.

To read what other NWNW participants are saying click here.

Beauty in the Imperfection (Redux) - A rant

2010-09-21T03:57:00.007-04:00

Lady, get a grip! So what if you weren't able to push out them babies like a real woman - like I did. Heck, that big 'ole scar on your belly is a...uhhh...mmm...an honor. Yep, that's what it is. It's your badge of courage doggone it! So wear it with pride and know lots of woman can't have babies. Yep. Your problem is you're too darn vain. It's that Hollywood, ya know. Having all our youngin' thinkin' they gotta look like Angelina Jolie and all.

Did you read my Self-loathing-I-hate-myself-It-sucks-to-be-me post over at Momsofhue.com? Seriously, I didn't write a post like that, but for some of the reactions the article garnered, I really should have. To give you a brief synopsis of what I wrote, I basically came clean that I don't like my c-section scar. I don't and I probably never will. It's with a paradoxical set of emotions that I view my scar. I absolutely adore my kids and would rebirth them via c-section if I had to because ultimately their safety is (and was) paramount. However, my scar symbolizes the death of a dream I had to have children in a natural, non medicated way. It represents an appropriated choice, if you will.

It's taken me a while to digest what got some in a frenzy about my article, but I *think* I *might* have stumbled onto something... Actually, this is going to be a rant more than an "Aha! I figured it out!" so humor me if you will. And if you won't, I plan to enter into your space any way and tell you what I think. Yep. I'm just inviting myself in, plopping down on your couch and planning to unload. As a matter of fact if you plan on sitting down with me, would you mind bringing a cup of tea? I prefer Chamomile and I'll take honey with that, not sugar.

In all fairness to the comments, encouragements, misemployed judgments, at the heart of it all, I get it. I really do and for the most part I appreciated what each commenter had to say. Our society is far to tangled up in outer beauty. On that same vein we do need to learn to value and appreciate our complete selves - body, mind and spirit - and that mean accepting our exterior flaws along with what makes us unique and different. As a friend of mine once said, it's a person's physical flaws that makes them beautiful - it makes them human. Women, somehow, have more difficulty accepting this reality because I think society puts way more pressure on women to look good. Initially, I think pressure was put on women to be outwardly beautiful, so they could appeal to the opposite sex and find a suitable mate. However, in today's world, women put this burden upon themselves, because they've forgotten where their true beauty lies. We are a lost and dying society inwardly, so to compensate for this, women try to alter their exterior image in hopes of finding a quick fix for their deteriorating interior self. And I realize this isn't just a problem for women. Men are just as guilty, however I don't think men feel the need to strive for outer beauty to compensate for inner problems. Men tend to go for position, power, cars, etc. See I told ya, I get it.

Here's where this conversation gets bizarre and twists off into a blurry fog.When it comes to creating and birthing babies, the standard changes. All of sudden it seems that the more elaborate the stories of birth or the bigger the trials a woman had to overcome, the more phenomenal she is. It's as if every woman want to have a war story, flaws, battle scars. I was at the park and overheard a group of mothers chatting up their delivery stories. One woman started off by sharing that she was in labor for 15 hours and went into details of about her delivery woes. As soon as her story was told, other women started telling their birthing stories and it began to sound like each woman was trying to out do the other.

One lady, who was in labor for 36 hours, nearly had a c-section, her blood pressure drop and her baby's heart rate decreased to a dangerously low rates. Another lady said she had Placenta Previa. Still another said that her baby had a cord wrap around the baby's neck. And as each woman shared their birthing story it seemed that the stories got more dramatic and traumatic as they went along. They shared gory details about how much tearing, stitching, cutting and weeks of agonizing healing they endured. By the time I walked away from their blathering, I (almost) felt ashamed of myself for not experiencing as much trauma as they did. Geez, I must not be a true woman since I didn't suffer much to bring my babies into this world - all I had was a lil 'ole c-section. (please insert copious amounts of sarcasm)

This isn't the first time I've witnessed this. On other occasions I've observed this same behavior and I've tried to analyze the reasoning behind it. It's as if for some women, the degree of sacrifice they made to birth their child is iconic of their love for that child. Yea ladies, I went to the ends of the earth - hell and back - to birth this baby! You know I love this baby more than anything. I've got the scars to prove it! I know. I know. I'm sure none of you have ever noticed this or none of the women you hang around talk about their child's birth in this manner. It must be just the women I encounter, right? What's that? Crazy people, attract crazy people - is that what you said? *scoots off couch to avoid being thrown out*

Well anyway, even though you won't admit to my theory, I do appreciate that you listened to my rant. No need get up and see me out. I know where the door is...

No Wedding No Womb

2010-09-20T08:19:00.002-04:00

It's ONE voice but many, many bloggers banding together to say that we do not support the baby-mama/daddy syndrome that has reached epidemic proportions in the black community. This cause called No Wedding No Womb was spearheaded by the phenomenal Christelyn Karazin of Beyond Black & White.

This movement is not just for black blogger - all bloggers who would like to show support are absolutely welcome. The fact is the 72% out of wedlock births with in the black community is a problem that is affecting all Americans. Will you raise your voice in support with us on September 22 to say children deserve both a mother and a father?

Raising Multicultural Children

2010-09-17T09:59:00.001-04:00

When a person has children with someone from a different culture more than likely this person will ponder at some point, "What culture will our children have?". If this person doesn't ponder this question on their own , then likely this person's extended family will pose this question to said person.

Both situations are true in my case. I am Haitian and the children's fathers are Israeli and American. Often, when Americans think of Haitian culture they immediately land on voodoo. I laugh about that because I'm amazed that some of them know more about voodoo than I do. I wasn't raised believing in voodoo. Actually, most Haitians I grew up with didn't believe in it either. It's not to say that voodoo isn't a strong force in Haitian culture. However, I think it's gotten a bigger rap than it deserves.

When my extended family speak about passing on culture they are referring to our Haitian music, dance, language, art, food and traditions. Certainly, I make an effort to expose my children to these things. I want them to have experienced the unique rhythm of our music or witnessed the beauty of our dances. They probably won't become fluent in Haitian Creole, but I expect them to be able to utter common pleasantries. Haitian art is some of the most sought after art in the world. I want them to be proud of the creativity of my people. Without a doubt my children's palate will be tantalized by the unique flavors and tastes of Haitian cuisine. It's impossible for me to cook and not incorporate something from the islands.

When I think about my personal culture I realize it probably isn't as representative of Haitian culture as I would have originally thought. This is by no means to say that I don't hold true to certain characteristics of a bonafide Haitian. It's more to say that I have assimilated and incorporated ways and beliefs of other cultures through exposure, friendship and adventures. My own culture is a manifestation of my life experiences and therefore a definition of who I am.

My hope is the culture I pass on to my children is about my interests, passions and dreams. I pray they see a culture in me that is optimistic, positive and encouraging. Moreover, the most important things I would want to pass on to them are my spiritual beliefs, my love for them and my dedication to my family. I aspire to build a culture in them that they can be whatever they want. I desire that they know that through struggles and disappointments there is always a lesson to be learnt and not to give in to failure. I would hope the culture I pass on to them would make them better people than myself and more successful in their own right.

*repost*

Black Women's Healthy: Fibroids

2010-09-17T09:34:00.001-04:00

I was watching a documentary on infertility recently. My heart just wept for some of these couples that desperately wanted babies. I was particularly saddened by a black couple that had put a second mortgage on their home to help cover the costs of infertility treatment only to be left with a massive debt and no baby. Years before the husband and wife had met each other, the woman had suffered from large fibroid tumors that had to be removed surgically.

I thought about my own journey to have children. I was a young 22 year old college grad. I was engaged to a man I thought was my prince-come. He was incredibly handsome, my a gorgeous mahogany man. He was smart and ambitious and had two degrees in both mechanical and electrical engineering. As soon as I graduated I dashed off to Belize so that we could be wedded in marital bliss and begin our lives together. We didn’t want to start a family for several years so the decision was made that I would go on birth control. His sister-in-law took me to the pharmacy where she purchased her pills and I soon discovered that buying birth control in Belize is no different than buying a pair of shoes. You look at the selection available on the shelf, pick one, buy it and move on with your life.

That decision nearly cost me my baby making parts. A few weeks into taking those pills my life began to crumble – literally. The guy I thought was my prince-come ended up being my prince not-at-all. In the midst of dealing with my deteriorating relationship, I also started having massive bleeding issues. A Belizean doctor told me that I needed to continue taking the pills so that my body could adjust to the new hormones. I didn’t agree with his advice so I quit taking them. By this time my relationship with my ex-fiance was over and I flew back to the US.

A few weeks after returning to the US, the bleeding started again, so I consulted with a gynecologist who prescribed an ultrasound. It was discovered that I had developed fibroids. For the next year different attempts were made to reduce the Fibroids, but they continued to grow. Eventually, the doctor decided that a myomectomy was necessary.

Just before my 24th birthday the surgery was performed. At my first doctor’s appointment following the surgery, the doctor solemnly told me that I might not be able to have children...

To continue reading about my journey with Fibroids and to learn how we can minimize our risks, click here.

Dora the Explorer is Alright by Me!

2010-09-02T10:54:00.000-04:00

Tar, my 2yo has a fascination with kid show that he can interact with. His two current (he's constantly changing what he likes) faves are Special Agent Oso on the Disney Channel and Dora the Explorer. I have to admit I. Do. Not. Like. Dora. That show drives me crazy or maybe it's my son that's driving me crazy. I think I shall loose my mind if he asks me again to sing the map or backpack song, help Dora find her way, choose the right item in her backpack, repeat another Spanish word...and the list goes on.

Yesterday, I sat Tar down in front of the telly to watch Dora so I could get some work done. He was thoroughly enjoying himself and I was engrossed in my project. A few minutes later he comes bouncing over to me chanting his numbers in Spanish. My mouth fell open in amazement! I guess I shouldn't hate on Dora anymore :)

The Move

2010-08-24T01:10:00.000-04:00

Some of you know of our plans to move, although I don't remember if I ever officially made mention of it here. I think I hinted about it on FB and twitter at times. I probably subconsciously remained mum about it because I didn't want to jinx our plans. Anyway, to catch up those who don't know what I'm talking about, we had planned to move to Plano, Texas. Had things gone as planned we would technically be leaving in 2 weeks.

Anyway, as fate would have it, plans had to change and we aren't moving there anymore. At first I was devastated, thinking this was going to be another NC move gone wrong. However, once again fate came around to do it's thing and we are moving yet again. However, this time it looks as though it's going to be Colorado. I am TOTALLY ecsatic!! After I thought hard about why I was devastated about not moving to Texas I realized it was simply the disappointment of not being able to leave Florida; not a true desire to move to Texas. For all you wanna-be Floridian migrants, it's so not worth it. Stay where you are or look at other options.

Alright. Alright. Let me stop ragging on Florida. I guess it's good for some things - sun, beach, sun, beach, sun, sun, sun. See I told you Florida didn't have a lot going for it. Hehehe... I grew up in an area of Haiti surrounded by mountains (and beaches too) and I miss that terribly. Plus, I'm a rough and tumble kind of girl (with girlie tendencies) and I love hiking, biking and the good outdoors. There is nothing in the way of great outdoor activities that happen in Florida.

Now that the doors have opened for Colorado, I am so, SO ready to go. Now that the cat's out of the bag, your prayers are coveted :) I know God will work everything out for the best. Interestingly enough, I made a few really awesome friends in Texas through FB & twitter networking. I'm sadden that I won't get to meet them in person. But, thank goodness for social media - no friendship ever goes lost :) I'm back to networking again this time with an eye on Colorado. Once again FB & twitter are proving to be vital resources. What would we do without them?? Don't answer, because if you say a negative word about either the friendship ends right there. LOL What can I say? I'm an addict. #NoIDon'tNeedHelp

I shall keep you all posted and if you have information that you think would be useful, certainly feel free to share :)

The Questionable School Supply Lists

2010-08-23T12:10:00.000-04:00

Since my 8 year old started school, each year I've found myself increasingly mystified by the school supply lists. Buying supplies like pens, pencils, erasers, markers, etc I have no issues with. However, when the lists starts asking for disinfecting spray, 4-5 reams of paper, anti-bacterial hand sanitizer and the likes, I start scratching my head. Despite, not being in total agreement that I should have to provide the latter list, I've gotten used to purchasing these types of items.

However, this year I just about keeled over when the list requested a jump drive and a $39.99 headset (and it had to be a specific one). Goodness! What will it be next year? Will I be requested to buy a computer? I just can't seem to wrap my head around such lofty supply demands. I realize the school he goes to pushes an advanced reading, math and science based program. In addition to those programs, they encourage and utilize the computer quite a bit. The administration feels the children should be computer savvy by 5th grade. I have no problem with their emphasis on technology and how they integrate it into the learning process. But again, to what extent should this push put a major pinch on parents' pocket book?

I get that the economy is tough and that schools are unfortunately, one of the first pillars of society to take a knocking. It's not as if we can afford to let our school go down the drain with our tax dollars. Thanks to the great efforts of President Obama who would rather spend billions on condom ads, than to increase the amount of money given to our school systems... I digress... I'm just trying to understand what the White House is thinking or even IF it's thinking.

Anyway, what is on your child(ren)'s school supply list? Has there been any particular item on there that has made you double blink?

Kids Say the Darndest Things (Tar's Edition)

2010-08-21T14:49:00.000-04:00

Tar giving the *dead fish eye* stare.

Tar, my two year old, has come up with quirky, cute names that he calls certain items. Examples of this would be, he calls his blanket his nice-and-warm. He pronounces it nice-ah-worn. Whenever I tuck him in at night, I usually give him a hug or a squeeze and tell him that now he's nice and warm. Hence, why he thinks of his blanket as his nice and warm. Too swaheeet! Another item he's given a cutsie name to is body lotion. He refers to it as ice-cream soap. I'm not sure where he got this reference to lotion, but it's way too adorable and funny of a description for me to correct him. I suppose lotion could resemble ice-cream to the eyes of a two year old. Since I usually apply it on his skin right after he's bathed, it does have a connection to soap. It's interesting the way toddlers process knowledge, isn't it?

Anyway, we were at that grocery store, waiting in the check out line. A lady behind us had a bottle of lotion in her hand. Tar saw the bottle and blurted out, "You gonna buy some ice-cream soap?" The lady gave him the *dead fish eye* stare and replied "Huh? No sweetie, I'm not buying ice-cream or soap." Then it was my two year's turn to give the lady the *dead fish eye* stare. I could barely contain my laughter! It was too funny. I can just imagine what Tar was thinking in his head. #KidsSaytheDarndestThings

Dying to Have Children

2010-06-16T14:34:00.001-04:00

According to a CNN report, deaths from pregnancy and childbirth have doubled in the United States in the past 20 years. This development received a harsh response from the human rights group, Amnesty International, which called the findings “scandalous and disgraceful”. As if this information isn’t bad enough, it gets worse. It also points out that most deaths and complications in pregnancy and childbirth happen among minorities and women in poverty. Hold on to your seat because I’m not done. Yes, my readers there’s more to this and it get even more abominable. White women have a mortality rate of 9.5 per 100,000 pregnancies, while Black women have a death rate of 32.7 per 100,000 pregnancies.

Black women make up 12% of the population and yet we account for 50% of maternal deaths in the United States. Why are we not screaming from this mountain tops about this? Where is the uproar from our community about these shameful, damaging statistics about our mothers, our daughters, our sisters, our aunts – ourselves? The lack of proper and timely medical care duty to insufficient or no health coverage was the overwhelming factor in higher rates of maternal deaths in the Black community.

However, my sisters, let me impart to you yet another culprit that is on the rise and gaining quite a bit of momentum in our community. To continue reading about this serious issue click here.

image: flickr

The Great Public School Debate

2010-06-09T15:07:00.000-04:00

A very poor shot from my phone of the awards he received

Yesterday, I sat for the last time in my 8 year old’s school feeling a bit of sadness and apprehension. In the last 3 years that he has been attending this school he has excelled academically, developed personally and has, for the most part, had a remarkable school experience. As I watched him being awarded the school’s highest achievement, High Honors President’s Award, (the certificate on the left) my heart burst with pride and gratitude. I was full of pride because, well what parent wouldn’t be proud that his/her child received the highest achievement award for straight A’s for the entire year. I was full of gratitude because of the immense effort and work of the school on behalf of the student body and my own son for that matter.

His journey at this school hasn’t been without its hiccups and a few bumps. I’ll be posting about some of the more gray experiences at this school in days to come. However, for the most part I really can’t complain about how it all worked out. When we first started researching schools to enroll him in, it was a challenging process. Public school wasn’t even a consideration. For the most part, public education in our county leaves a lot to be impressed with. Furthermore, I feared what he would be learning from the students and I was also concerned about peer pressure. With the problems of school violence and bullying out of control in local public schools, the thought that he would subjected to such situations was enough to hurdle the public school system out of the running.

When the time came for us to choose a school we opted for the private Christian Non-Denominational school our church operates. I absolutely love our church. We have truly found a home among its congregation. I was very enthused to place my son in the academic hands of the church because I already felt comfortable with the spiritual training he has been receiving in the children’s ministry. We enrolled him and my son loved every minute at the school. I, unfortunately, was not happy with the administration of the school. Their lack of appreciation for science and how it interrelates with creationism concerned me. Although, their reading and math program was exemplary, I felt their curriculum greatly lacked inclusion of scientific theory, much of which goes hand in hand with Biblical thinking.

At the end of the school year we were left with the dilemma of finding another school for Kindergarten. We wavered back and forth about whether or not we should consider another private school and if so, should it be a Christian school or a secular school. Finally after much deliberation, we decided to try a charter school that had a strong science, math & reading curriculum. At first, my son was bored and unenthused about the school and wanted to go back to the private Christian school. His teacher pulled me aside one day and told me that he was quite advanced in the class. She started giving him 1st grade level work and immediately she saw a change in his attitude toward school. From this point on, my 8 year old began to soar and he’s done amazingly well at the school.

So here we are, finding ourselves at yet another junction. We are quickly approaching a new adventure for our family and this means we will be looking for a new school for my 8 year old. Once again we are confronted with the public school question - to enroll or not to enroll. From my research, the public school that he would be enrolled in, should we choose, is nationally recognized and has received quite a bit of buzz. This is encouraging, however, on the flip side, the school is HUGE – maybe 1000 students for all elementary grades combined. My son is used to a school population of about 160 students. My head is overloaded with questions and concerns about whether or not he will adjust quickly to such a big school setting. Will he feel lost? Will it be too intimidating and overwhelming for him? With so many students the possibility of bullying, mean kids, peer pressure, etc increase exponentially. Most likely sending my son to public school is going to be our most convenient choice to make and I am just praying that it won’t end up being the most regrettable choice.

I’d love to hear thoughts, stories, advice on making the transition from a small school setting to a large public school?

Historically Black Colleges & University

2010-05-26T23:56:00.000-04:00

A girlfriend of mine works for a marketing/pr company that has recently started an online education division. This new subsidiary develops and helps to implement online educational departments for brick & mortar colleges and universities. Right now the company is in a ramp-up campaign with some new colleges/univ and my friend ask me if I'd like to help out for the summer to make some extra money. Who am I to say no to extra money? Of course, I was willing! I adjusted my work-at-home schedule and committed to helping out for 6 weeks.

What I didn't know is that the current campaign is centralized on promoting online educational programs to Historically Black Colleges & University (HBCUs). It has been an incredibly interesting project to work on because my familiarity and knowledge of HBCUs has been mostly limited to the show A Different World. Do you remember that show from the 90s? I used to love that show!

Anyway interacting with school officials and educational leaders from HBCUs has been an eye-opener. I imagine it's like interacting with school officials from Ivy League colleges/universities. They are a very unique pedigree of individuals.

Here a video by the marketing company on the Hip Hop Summit:

I don't think this vid was for promotional purposes, but it's interesting all the various events they are involved in...from celebrity marketing to brand marketing and everything in between, they company is doing it all. And now they have added educational online development for brick & mortar school.

It's giving me ideas to start my own brand marketing company....LOL! Who knows....although, if I did start an agency my concentration wouldn't be online education.

Black and Thinking Green

2010-05-20T09:58:00.000-04:00

Thanks to the attention given to the environmental movement by celebrities and Fortune 500 companies, going green has become quite mainstream in our conversations. However, Hollywood and Wallstreet aren’t the sole reason that environmentalism has been thrust into our common dialogue. It’s efforts by consumers and everyday chatter at the kitchen table or the water cooler that have played the most integral part in leading the green discussion.

One of the main reasons this conversation has gained tremendous momentum is due to it’s economic impact. Consumers have been demanding better, safer products because it means improved health and a higher standard of living while permitting them to keep more of their hard earned income. Huge corporations quickly gave their attention to unrelenting requests for improved products when it had the potential to effect their bottom-line. This cause and effect relationship between consumers and businesses is the foundation of our capitalism and the driving force behind much of the green initiatives.

However, the question begs whether or not people of hue, families of hue and more importantly women of hue are being represented in the environmental round table. The importance of understanding the contributions that women of hue are having in these discussion is due to the fact that our dollars are having the greatest impact in the black community. According to the US Census Bureau in 2006, 56 percent of African-American families were single parent households. Black mothers with an overwhelming 91.4% where the head of households in these statistics. Women of hue have the greatest ability to change the financial mobility of the black community and hence why it’s vital to know the impact their voices have in the environmental discussions.

Please click here to continue reading.

Dear Blog

2010-05-17T13:25:00.000-04:00

Dear Blog,

I haven't forgotten about you. Yes, I am a fickle friend #thankyouverymuch for reminding me of this. However, my excuse is that I am very busy right now. Alright. Alright. Stop giving me the *side eyes*. I can hear you now "What mom isn't busy that has kids, work, family, life, blogging projects...you name it?!"

I really don't need your attitude, dear blog. I get you, but I'm not most moms. You know I'm special...and not necessarily in a good way. I'm trying my best, but life is a little overwhelming right now and while I plan to share all the details in posts to coming, you've got to be patient. How's that for a tease...hehehe

In the meantime, I had a wonderful Mother's Day. My three men made it very special with a lovely meal and handmade cards. So sweet! Hmmm...what else has been going on? Working from home has been going well. I can't complain about that. If ever I thought I couldn't do sales, I've learned that I can. Yeah, it's called shameless self promotion. LOL I do it well and definitely have been honing that skill. Why let someone else get a gig that I deserve as much as they do, that's my motto.

The kids are doing quite well. Tiger's school year is quickly coming to a close and then it's summer break for him. Summer is always super busy on the home front. Camp, beach, pool, vacations, beach, pool, and more beach & pool. Did you see the common trend? Yeah, we tend to live at the beach and pool during the summer. I'm not looking forward to the hideous Florida heat, that's for sure.

Anywho, my dear blog that's about it for now. I will be back hopefully soon with more happenings around our world. But since you made me feel so guilty for not writing I decided I better post something.

Your ~~faithful~~ author,

Quiskaeya

Quiskaeya's Got a Brand New Look!

2010-05-13T11:18:00.000-04:00

If you haven't been to my blog in a few days, you probably thought you stumbled upon a new rare find...hehe! Isn't she a beauty? My blog that is. I absolutely LOVE it. For sometimes now, I've been disenchanted with the look and feel of my little piece of blogosphere.

It didn't feel right. It didn't really represent me and it was far too cluttered. About 7 months ago I started looking for a web designer who could spruce things up around here and give my baby a new look and appeal. However, most importantly I wanted designer who could conceptualize an image that reflected the complicated, changing and evolving person that I am. I came in contact with a lot of great designers that I'm sure could have created amazing works of art. As matter of fact, I'd seen some of their work and it was fantastic.

However, what I was looking in a designer was someone who would be able to make sense out of my crazy ideas and would bring life to these concepts. This is exactly what my amazing friend Kristina was able to do. You may know her as Mom on the Rise or as the brilliant mind behind the distinguished site Moms of Hue. First of all, I am probably the most difficult client anyone could ever have. As I said before, I have crazy ideas that aren't always easy to articulate; let alone comprehend if you are the person hearing them. Secondly, I'm incredibly indecisive so I tend to throw out way too many ideas that probably contradicted each other. Somehow, call it a miracle, Kristina was able to maneuver through my muddled thoughts and bring about coherence.

I gave her full reign to do as she felt fit and she blew me away with the final design. She is in the midst of preparing for the launch of her new design studio, Beautifully. Artful., slated to open in June 2010. The good news is that you can subscribe to the site by email now and be abreast about the site's happenings. She is already taking appointments for web design, print design and much more so check her out. I'm thrilled about my new blog look and Kristina was awesome to work with.

The Strengths of a Multiracial Family

2010-05-05T11:34:00.001-04:00

Often times the picture painted of the multiracial family is one replete of doom and gloom. Interracial couples entering into marriage are aware that they may face unique challenges that mono-racial couples do not experience. Racism continues to be alive and well in our nation and when it comes to miscegenation this seems to annoy some people at an even greater level. Interracial couples must also consider the impact ignorant views have on their children. They have to strengthen their families to ensure their children are prepared and empowered to deal with judgmental perceptions about their identity.

Despite the different challenges multiracial families may experience, the vast tales of the mixed race family
aren’t drenched with grim. Quite the contrary. There is great strength in the multiracial family and some of these strengths are:

Miscegenation helps to rid racial stereotypes of the individuals in the union
Parents of multiracial families are more like to teach diversity and how to treat people who are
different from themselves.
Parents of multiracial children make greater effort to expose their children
to both cultures and to preserve both heritages.

Miscegenation enables the couple to uproot racial misconceptions each person may have of the opposite race. Racial stereotypes are perpetuated because people refuse to venture out of their racial comfort zone to explore the point of views of other races. In a interracial marriage, it’s imperative that each person examine and dismantling inaccurate opinions in order to maintain a unified body. I am black and my husband is Caucasian. I can remember a time I made an inappropriate joke about Caucasians to my husband. I took it for granted that even though he is my husband, we are of different races and therefore he might not appreciate a joke about his race. I’ve made this same joke about Caucasians to my African American
friends and all of us enjoyed a hardy laugh......Click on this link to continue reading my guest post at MixedandHappy.com

Also a few weeks ago my family was featured over there! Check us out!

Is a Biracial Boy Safe from the Black Gangsta Mentality?

2010-04-29T11:49:00.002-04:00

This past weekend I ran into a former work colleague whom I'll refer to as Mia. I haven't seen Mia in nearly 3 years. A friendship ensued between us when she began sharing about the divorce she was going through at the time. Part of the reason she was divorcing her husband was due to her mother's violently opposition to her marriage to a white man. She and her two boys had moved in with her mother after her marriage fell apart. Her mother owned a home in a neighborhood that was on a rapid downward turn for the worse. She refused to sell the house and buy in a better area because she said that thugs and gangs wouldn't run her out of the home she had poured her blood, sweat and tears into buying.

Mia's 13 year old was from a previous relationship with an African American man and her 3 year old was from her inter-racial marriage. Her 13yo was a brilliant student and was attending one of the top gifted programs in the area. Not long after moving in with her mother things started changing for her 13yo. His grades slowly deteriorated. He began behaving disrespectfully and his overall demeanor seemed angry. He was constantly getting into fights with other neighborhood boys and he didn't seem to be fitting into his new environment very well. One day Mia received a call from her mother that she needed to leave work immediately because her 13yo was in trouble with the law.

When she came back to work a few days later, she shared that her son had been riding in a stolen vehicle with no tags with four other boys ages 15-17 and they had been stopped by the police. Drugs were discovered in the car. All the boys were arrested. Her son was placed on some type of juvenile probationary measure at home. It sounded like house arrest, however I'm not exactly sure what his punishment was. Mia, also found out that her son had been suspended from school before this incident occurred because of obsessive absences. It appeared the same four boys were coming to his school to get him after Mia had dropped him off. He'd hang out with them the whole day unbeknown to his mother. Since he was supposed to be taking the tri-rail (train) home, Mia had no way of knowing about these shenanigans.

To put insult on injury, Mia's mother blamed her for the boy's delinquencies. She alleged that marrying a white man was the boy's ruin, because her ex-husband didn't understand the dynamics of raising a black boy in our current times. Mind you, the boy's biological father did absolutely nothing for the child and rarely saw him; yet her ex-husband continued to help out with the boy even after their divorce. After this tragedy, Mia felt that it was best to move her sons away from the gang infested environment. Her mother again was in violent opposition to her decision and said that her boys would turn out weak and sheltered. Further, she concluded that Mia's 3 year old wouldn't have these challenges when gets older because he's biracial. According to her, the thugs in the area were only concerned with the little black boys, not biracial boys.

Really? Since when were biracial boys safe from the pressures of the ghetto mentality; the gangsta rap culture, if you will? The last time I heard, they are taking converts from all races. Although, I'll agree, the gangsta mentality is far more prevalent and a bigger issue for black boys than boys of other races. This does not mean, by any stretch of the imagination, that biracial boys will fall in the other boy category.

Our world doesn't see biracial boys any differently than they see black boys. Hence, the pressure on black boys to conform to certain black sub-cultures will also be a challenge for biracial boys. Parents of biracial boys shouldn't see their boys any differently than black boys, either, when it comes to parenting them about the gangsta hood mindset. The tugs will be there regardless and we need to step up our game. A biracial boy, quite possibly, might find himself with an even greater challenge because he may feel he has more to prove about his blackness; particularly if he doesn't look black to the judging eye. I would be remiss to not say that it does concern me what pulls will be fighting for my boys attention.

While I might be doing my best to provide them with the best environment, education and belief system, the gang mentality still has a way of seeping in through the cracks unbeknown to me. The other day I was at the library with my 8yo. He was at the kids computer station a boy his own age who was letting him listen to music on his ipod. As harmless as this situation might seem, I was shocked to find out this kid was listening to Lil Boosie. This gangsta rappers lyrics are downright disgusting. I refuse to even link to him because I will not give him publicity on my blog. My son didn't understand 1/16th of what this rapper was saying, let alone he couldn't even pronounce the words right. When I asked him to tell me what the rap song was about he had no idea, but he thought the beats were cool.

The fact is, I know what the song was about. Since I have everything to do with it his upbringing, there is absolutely no way I'm going to allow him to grow into the thug that song said all black boys should aspiration to be. All Hail To The No! as Whitney Houston says. Who knew I would use her words to make a point?!
I know my son doesn't think the gangsta lifestyle is cool now. He doesn't even know what that lifestyle entails. However, the interest and fascination in that lifestyle can start with something as simple as hearing a few songs. They teach boys to be disrespectful, full of uncontrolled rage and to be aggressive just for aggression's sake. All these concepts are quite enticing for boys, particularly when they are trying to maneuver through the precarious phrase of puberty. It matters not, whether the boy is black, biracial or otherwise. The allure to show one's self as a man by being the baddest on the block, can be embraced by any boy wavering in his identity. If I were for a moment to think this challenge couldn't happen to my boys because they are biracial, then I would be doing them a grave injustice as their mother.

Black Women's Healthy: Fibroids

2010-04-26T13:12:00.000-04:00

I was watching a documentary on infertility over the weekend. My heart just wept for some of these couples that desperately want babies. Many of these couples spent thousands on agonizing infertility treatments only to be left with a massive bill and no baby. I was particularly touched by a black couple that put a second mortgage on their home to help cover the costs of infertility treatment. Years before the couple met and married, the woman had suffered from massive fibroids tumors that had to be removed by surgery.

I thought about my own journey to have children. I was a young 22 year old college grad. I was engaged to a man I thought was my prince-come. He was incredibly handsome, my a gorgeous mahogany man. Beyond that he was smart and ambitious, with two degrees in both mechanical and electrical engineering. At 27 he already owned a house, land and a promising career with a company that hunted him down even before he had graduated from college.

He had graduated a year and a half before me and then moved back to his homeland of Belize, Central America. As soon as I graduated I dashed off to Belize so that we could be wedded in marital bliss and begin our lives together. We didn't want to start a family for several years. Once, in Belize decided to get on birth control. His sister-in-law took me to the pharmacy where she purchased her pills and I soon discovered that buying birth control in Belize is no different than buying a pair of shoes. You look at the selection available on the shelf and simply pick one, buy it and move on with your life.

That decision nearly cost me my baby making parts. A few weeks into taking those pills my life began to crumble, literally. The guy I thought was my prince-come ended up being my prince no-so-much or more accurately my prince not-at-all. In the midst of dealing with my deteriorating relationship, I also started having massive bleeding that soon hospitalized me. A Belizean doctor told me that I needed to continue taking the pills so that my body could adjust to the new hormones. I didn't agree with his advice so I quit taking them after being discharged. By this time my relationship with my ex-fiance was over and I flew back to the US.

A few weeks after returning to the US, the bleeding started again, so I consulted with a doctor who prescribed an ultrasound. It was discovered that I had developed fibroids. For the next year different attempts were made to reduce the fibroids, but they continued to grown. Eventually, the doctor decided that a myomectomy was necessary.

Just before my 24th birthday the surgery was performed. During my first doctor's appointment following the surgery, the doctor solemnly told me that I might not be able to have children. At the time it didn't seem like a big deal to me, because I wasn't interested in having children at the time. I had decided to throw myself full throttle into an international career. A good friend and I were making plans to move to the Europe in a couple of years for a French & Spanish language immersion program. We wanted to work with foreign aid groups like CARE, UN, CARICOM, UNICEF, etc. This type of career choice wasn't ideal for a woman with children anyway, so I accepted the bleak prognosis.

Long story short, 4 years later my girlfriend flew off to Europe alone to begin her international humanitarian career with the UN and got married in the early part of the year and had a bouncing baby boy by the end of the year. Completely different excitements for both of us. My pregnancy was a huge unexpected surprise and happened with no effort. However, I recognize my story could have been very different.

Fibroids are a common word among black women. It's safe to say that every black woman has a relative or friend that has/had fibroids. According to the National Library of Medicine black women are 2 to 3 times more likely to have fibroids than other racial groups. There are factors that black women need to consider that can help minimize their risk. Two of the greatest enemies in the black community are diet and lack of exercise. Our delicious soul food and Caribbean cooking is slowly killing us. I'll be the first to admit I love rice 'n peas and oxtail. However, eating that type of food on a daily basis is putting one foot closer to the grave than was intended.

In the next post I'll share some diet choices and information that may help lessen the risk of getting fibroids.

Earth Day Is An Everyday Affair

2010-04-22T10:19:00.001-04:00

As cliche as it may sound Earth Day IS Everyday, the reality is that's the truth. I appreciate Mama Earth being given a special day for herself. However, I feel that not enough attention is given to making the world a better place year around. Being good steward of our world really starts with home. We need to raise our children to be eco-conscious. It's not a political movement. Not a trendy movement. It's not an event or an occasion. Earth Day is an everyday conscious effort.

REDUCE:
1)Slow down and avoid the rush - haste makes waste. Plan your grocery shopping to avoid impulse buying and to avoid forgetting what you need. Count how many time you have gotten home from the grocery store only to realize you have to go back out because you forget something really important? Prepare kids meal and your own lunches the night before. An organized life helps cut costs.

2) Watch your consumption of electric AND watch your bill go down. Turn off lights in rooms not being used. Opt for energy saving light bulbs & appliances. Unplug unneeded power cords. Did you know that you could save your family hundreds of dollar each year by unplugging cords. Even when your computer, t.v., microwave and other appliances are off, they are still using low amounts of energy. This is referred to as phantom energy because it's used energy most people don't think about.

REUSE:
1)Give away clothes, books, furniture appliances etc to charities or to people you know who could use them. Post items not need or get items you need on freecycle.com.
2) Left over jars & cans make excellent materials for fun crafts.
3) Old newspaper circulars, mailbox mailings and magazines can be used to make jewelry.
4) Be creative with meals. Roast chicken tonight. Chicken salad or chicken soup tomorrow night. Did you make too much food for the holiday dinner? Don't throw it away! The local homeless shelter will gladly partake of your blessings.
5) Save your nice pieces of wrapping paper, decorative bows & ties from gifts. Use them for scrapbooking, crafts & wrapping gifts.

RECYCLE:
1)Buy products that use recycled material.
2)You can do your part to recycle by collecting cans, bottles, plastic etc and providing them to your local solid waste authority.

Let's make Earth Day an EVERYDAY affair and raise our children to think eco-conscious. Check out this lil guy! Looks like his parents are raising him right!

The Effects of Poverty On the Environment

2010-04-22T09:50:00.004-04:00

Originally posted on July 6, 2008:

Just miles down the street from us it was reported on the nightly news that a local food bank has had to turn away families at record numbers because it's running out of food. Another charity center that offers shuttle services to the elderly reported they have had such a significant drop in volunteers they fear they will no longer be able to offer this assistance to the them. Volunteers have complained that they can no longer use their vehicles to shuttle seniors because of the cost of fuel and high prices in food.

Seeing this information broadcasted on the news made me start thinking about the effects poverty can have on the earth. There is a correlation between the two, sometimes, and it's happening in developing countries. I can't help but be reminded of the extraordinary deforestation that Haiti has suffered as a result of poverty. I have vivid memories of traveling back and forth from the US to Haiti when I was in college and being astounded at the difference in vegetation on that island from one travel to the next. Waters off the coast of Haiti that used to be infested with marine life are now devoid of fish and other sea existence. For small coastal towns that once thrived off the provision and livelihood of the sea, their infrastructure has been uprooted.

According to Global Issues, issues about environment, economics and politics are inter-related through the way humans interact with their surroundings and with each other. Once again I must use Haiti as a reference. The times when Haiti has had a relatively stable government; when the ruling regime provided jobs for the people and tourism flourished, there was less dependency on the environment.

This relationship between poverty and the environment is very evident globally. The depletion of natural resources in Africa, parts of South/Central America, Caribbean, China and various areas of the middle East all tell tales of the correlation between poverty and its surroundings.

The flip side of this situation is that when the environment isn't nurtured and cared for the adverse result could be poverty. A nations sustainability is maintained when it properly manages it's natural resources. We see this type of problem in developed countries where urban sprawl and concrete cities are killing wild life or pushing them from their natural habitat. Forests are being replaced by new cookie cutter home communities. Swamps are being filled so there is more land to build on. All this excessive building is destroying nature and causing terrible pollution. This irresponsibility on developed countries is driving up the prices of fuel and other resource causing unfortunate economic burden on everyone. However, it will be the families struggling to make it, who will undoubtedly flung into poverty. As good stewards of our world, I believe we have a duty to cultivate our planet and live within our means.

I am Not My Acne - Natural Ways to Deal with It

2010-04-22T09:41:00.001-04:00

I began having acne problems sometime after I turned 12 years old. My parents took me to different doctors, however in our area there were limited resources so it was difficult to get the right treatment. When I moved to the US I tried every over the counter (including overpriced department store selections) product available. In the past 7 years I decided enough was enough and I made the choice to make peace with my face. I. Am. Not. My. Acne. I finally realized. However, it's a work in progress and some days are better than others. Anyone who has every had bad acne issue knows this journey is a long, challenging one particularly, for a female. Too many times we tie our self image to our looks even when we know better. So I present you the all natural images of me blemishes and all because I can't come any more real than this.

In the last 7 years I decided to ditch all the synthetic, commercialized brands and decided to give some natural, organic approaches a try.While the scars still remain, I've discovered ways to prevent more scars and I don't have break out like I used to.

Here are some tips, remedies and solutions that I've been using. I have very oily skin, so this information may help people with a similar skin type. Before you try any homemade remedies for your skin ALWAYS know your skin type and what products you are allergic to. Most of the ingredients you can get right out of your kitchen.

Cleansing Your Face:
1) Start the cleaning regiment by moistening your face with warm damp wash cloth. Try to get the cloth as warm as your face can handle it. You can cover your face with the cloth for a few minutes as well. This process helps to open the pores so that they can be cleansed of dirt & grim.

2) For the cleanser, mix 2 tablespoons of baking soda with either lemon juice or tomato juice. You want the consistence to be a paste. Scrub your face and neck in gentle circular motions and then rinse with cool water. If you wear make up here are some cleansing tips you can use. Moisten a cotton ball with olive oil and remove the make up on your eyelids and eyelashes. Use as many cotton balls as it takes to completely remove the eye make up. To remove the make off your face, you can wash your face with a mixture of 2 tablespoons of raw milk (or regular milk) a pinch or two of turmeric and 2-4 drops of lemon juice. Lemon juice is an acid that some people are sensitive too, so always error on the side of caution if you've never tried it on your face. Both turmeric & lemon juice are great for blemishes.

Astringent:
You will need 3 green tea bags, a 3rd of a cup of witch hazel, and 10 drops of peppermint oil. Prepare the green tea as you normally would. Allow the tea bags to steeps for about 2 mins. Let the tea fully cool down and but it in a bottle with a lid. Add the rest of the ingredients and thoroughly shake the mixture so that all the ingredients are complete incorporated. Apply to your face as usual. This mixture must be kept in the refrigerator.

Moisturizer:
1) Honey is an excellent natural humectant, moisturizer and it has an antibacterial property. It's great for all types of skin. As awesome as honey is, I'll admit it's sticky texture is a turn off for me so I use this next mixture only once a month. Mix 1 1/2 teaspoons honey with the juice of 1/2 of a lemon and 3 tablespoon yogurt. Stir in 1 whipped egg white. Apply to face and let set about 15 minutes. Then wash off with lukewarm water.

2) My favorite moisturizer good ole olive oil or vitamin E. I buy pure vitamin E (not the capsules or the tablets) and use that. I usually use the olive oil at night and the vitamin E during the day.

Facial Mask for Oily Skin

2 table spoons aloe vera gel
1 white of an egg
1 tea spoon lemon juice

Whip the egg white until firm and then add the aloe vera gel and lemon juice to it. Apply to your face and leave for 10-15 minutes and rinse with cold water.

I highly recommend using organic ingredients if you can. If you are going to make the effort to go homemade, you might as well go all the way and do it right.

"HOME", A Remarkable Documentary about Planet Home

2010-04-21T08:21:00.002-04:00

If you haven't seen Yann Arthus-Bertrand’s movie, HOME, you should. Like, seriously should. It's an incredibly telling 93-minute documentary revealing the effects of climate change and pollution on our beloved Mama Earth. It's chilling, to say the least. It's now available to see online for free and the breathtaking aerial footage is remarkable.

One last (but not least) tidbit about this film is that it was produced carbon footprint conscious. Isn't that cool? This Earth day why not check it out and discover some important facts about how your lifestyle is affecting planet home.

Portraits of an Immigrant's Life

2010-04-20T08:45:00.017-04:00

Over the weekend I saw a tweet about a White supremacist rally in LA that sparked anger among some immigrants. Immigration issues always perk my interest because I'm an immigrant. Beyond that, I can't help thinking about some of the immigrant stories that have inadvertently touched my life. What inspirational people they are. Here is the story of Grandpa & Grandma Bear.

It was a warm August night in 2007. I was running late to a school function. At break neck speed I drove to the school and skidded into the only parking space I could find at the far side of the lot. I dashed to the school and I entered the crowded room where the program was in full swing. Timidly, I squeezed between chairs, floor fans and people sitting on the floor to find one unoccupied seat at the rear of the room. The room was so hot and muggy and the walls were bursting at the seams with parents' of students. There seemed to be little circulation of air, to which later I discovered the AC had shut down hours before the program had begun and there was no time to fix it.

Seated next to me was a robust older gentleman with a deep tan and hairy arms that were speckled with gray. Immediately, I noticed his large, coarse hands. The were the type of hands that have toiled the ground for many years. Hands that have labored strenuously. Calloused hands. The hands of a devoted provider; a protector. The look on his face was firm and set. His eyes were deeply entrenched into his broad inscrutable face and his slender lips were tightly circle downward. He reminded me of a bear and from that time on whenever I saw him I would kindly think of him as Grandpa Bear.

On the other side of Grandpa Bear was a boy around the age of my own son. He had the most shockingly blonde hair and pale, pale skin that noticeably contrasted against Grandpa Bear's darker complexion and graying black hair. To the right of the boy sat a petite frail older woman with a kind, gentle appearance that seemed to have gracefully accepted what life had to offer. She had a head of silver hair that she secured in a bun at the nape of her neck. I kindly think of her as Grandma Bear. She appeared uninterested in the program, but very concerned about making sure the child on the other side of her behaved. He was a smaller replica of the older boy described earlier.

I leaned over to Grandpa Bear and whispered to him if it would be possible to take a glance at the program in his hand since I didn't get one. He gave me a brief look through his peripheral view and then shifted his position somewhat uncomfortably. I pointed to his program, assuming that he might not have heard me properly and he nodded his head and handed it to me. I ran my eyes over it quickly and returned it to Grandpa Bear. As the program continued I couldn't help but notice that the older boy was translating everything that happened at the open house.

The program ended and everyone was dismissed to go. I didn't think much about that encounter until the first day of school. Once again, Grandpa and Grandma Bear came with their two shockingly blonde haired boys and the older child did all the translation. In the process of helping my son set up for his 1st day of class, I found myself watching and wondering about this family. Was Grandpa & Grandma Bear the parents or the grandparents? If they were the grandparents, where were the parents? Why didn't the parents come to the open house or the first day of school?

I continued to see Grandpa or Grandma Bear either walking the older boy to school or picking him up. My curiosity grew with each sighting of this family. I wanted to know their story. I asked around and it was confirmed that Grandpa & Grandma Bear were the children's grandparents. If the teachers knew more to the story than they shared, they remained tight lipped about it and I appreciated the way they respected the family's privacy.

One day I was fortunate enough to get a few brief moments with Grandpa Bear outside the school as we both waited for our boys to be released. I greeted Grandpa with a cheerful Holla! to which he nodded his head. I began talking to him in slow easy sentences with lots of inflection and hand gestures as I talked about our sons. I could tell he understood me. Our conversation consisted of simple phrases & expressive hand gestures, many nods, a few grunts and an occasional short response in Spanish. His demeanor was polite and reserved, but he wasn't unfriendly.

The door to the classroom flung open and the students began briskly emptying the room. I gave Grandpa Bear a quick wave, he nodded and then I stood positioned to wait for my son to exit. I saw his grandson exiting first. I could see the excitement and pride rise to his tired, worn face. In the whole time we spoke he never smiled, he never made eye contact. However, at the sight of his grandchild, his face lit up with irrefutable joy and love. With a strong, firm hand he grab his grandchild from the swarm of children and gave him a heartfelt head rub and side hug. On the drive home I thought about Grandpa Bear and his grandson. There was more to this story than just merely grandparents who are raising their grandchildren because the parents can't or won't do it. No, the bond between this man and his grandson seemed more like a testament of perhaps great loss (maybe to the boys' parents), tremendous sacrifice (perhaps in immigrating to the US) and immense hope.

You can read Ludwig's touching immigration story in I Made a Stop at the Welfare Office.

7 Great Tips Help You Go Green & Save Money

2010-04-14T12:28:00.000-04:00

Did you know that April 22 is Earth Day? That's right around the corner, my ecolovelies. However, everyday we should try to do something for Mama Earth even if we can't invest tons of time, effort and money. Every effort helps, whether large or small.

One thing people often do not realize is that going green saves money and can be quite frugal. The following tips help our environment and will help your pocketbook too. Win! Win!

Use Rechargeable Batteries: Rechargeable batteries are a great way to reduce, reuse and recycle. Many of them can be reused up to 1,000 times. More than 15 billion batteries are thrown away each year. Add all that landfill up and you could make a row of batteries that could reach the moon. Batteries are extremely toxic for our environment and should be kept out of our soil through proper disposal.
Kill the Phantom Energy Guzzler: He goes by various names like standby power, lopomo or low power mode. How do you permanently get rid of him? Simply pull the plug on his energy source. Devices such as coffee pots, microwaves, hair dryers, COMPUTERS, TVs & PRINTERS (major offenders) are known to increase your energy bill noticeably. Reduce your usage of electricity which will help reduce our dependency on oil.
Have Bills Gotcha Down? Is your mailbox stuffed with letters from creditors? You've got to be tired of seeing them by now. I'll tell you who is definitely tired of your bills. Mama Earth. Tons and tons of bills are ending up in our landfills. Millions upon millions of trees are being cut for no reason. Here's a no brainer. Switch to receiving your bills via email.
Save Ink. Save Cartridge: You can save on ink by clicking on preferences on your printer, then clicking on the paper/quality tab, and then on draft. The image will be lighter then if you used the regular setting, but it's readable and saves on cartridge ink. To save on paper, simply print on both sides of the page when printing multiple pages. You can take your empty cartridges to Walgreens for refills. Hewlett Packard and many other companies will actually take back your empty cartridges. Plug your zip code into Earth911.org for nearest drop off location.
Tame the Loo: Put a 1-liter plastic bottle full of water (smaller sizes can float) inside your toilet's water tank. Then, each time you flush, instead of using 6 liters you will use only 5 liters.
Paper? Plastic? Neither: Make it a habit to use your own bags for purchases you make. Most stores offer branded bags for purchase. If you have old canvas bags or if you are crafty and would like to make your own bags, these are other options you can consider.
Keep Your Tires Properly Inflated: When you keep your vehicle’s tires properly inflated, you increase your fuel economy. The life of your rubber will be extended as well. For every three pounds that your tires are below their recommended pressure, your fuel economy drops one percent. Calculate that on a national level and that adds up to a lot of unnecessary maintenance and gas purchases for our vehicles.

I hope these tips encourage you to green up and in the process I hope they help you save money.

Just Another Tirade About Jill Scott

2010-04-13T09:06:00.002-04:00

If you aren't in-the-know about issues related to the multiracial community then I don't expect you to be au courant about Jill Scott's commentary on interracial marriage in Essence magazine. The article had barely come off the printing press when the multiracial community went up in arms over what is now being referred to as the wince.

Oh, you don't know what the wince is? Let Jill Scott school you on it:

My new friend is handsome, African-American, intelligent and seemingly wealthy. He is an athlete, loves his momma, and is happily married to a White woman. I admit when I saw his wedding ring, I privately hoped. But something in me just knew he didn't marry a sister. Although my guess hit the mark, when my friend told me his wife was indeed Caucasian, I felt my spirit...wince. I didn't immediately understand it. My face read happy for you. My body showed no reaction to my inner pinch, but the sting was there, quiet like a mosquito under a summer dress.

There you have it. That in a nutshell is the wince. You might be wondering why this paragraph would cause such a ruckus when it appears she was merely sharing a honest feeling. However, to some interracial couples and biracial people it comes off as an assault to their reality. They are offended because Scott seems to be bashing a relationship she knows nothing about. Don't knock 'til you try it. Furthermore, she is assaulting the structure of who biracial people are. If she winces at interracial relationships then she must not like biracial people.

I'm not trying to mock and disparage those in the multiracial community. Although, perhaps I might be playing the devil's advocate. I am finding that even though I am in an interracial marriage and I do have multiracial children, I don't feel the level of sting some are feeling. Furthermore, I didn't observe in Scott's commentary that she is a hostile black woman brutally against interracial relationships or biracial people. Maybe, I'm not very good at identifying when people don't like me or my family. *Taking mental note to work on that.*

I'll admit the Roots and Kunta Kente bit in the commentary was overly dramatic. As a community, black people need to move beyond how we were once enslaved as a crutch to blame our inadequacies. We have enough current issues to deal with, let's concentrate on them. So on one end I can appreciate the frustration over Scott's article, and on the other end I empathize with her.

If Jill Scott prefers to be coupled with a black man, then I can understand why she would wince at the realization that her friend married a white woman. Although, she may not want her friend for herself, it means one less black man for another black women out there, which inadvertently affects Scott's available pool of black men. The fact black men have the highest numbers of incarceration and the lowest numbers of graduation rates among all gender and ethnic groups, only puts Scott at an even greater disadvantage. While it might be easy to tell her to get over it and date out of her race, the reality is the heart knows what the heart wants. If she has a preference for black men, then so be it. It's her right and her choice. Her failed marriage to a black man should not be the scale we measure her with in judging her desire to date black men. I think her divorce is completely irrelevant.

Lastly, I'm not totally sure why Scott's wince is an assault on all interracial relationships & multiracial people. I doubt she'd give a second glance to an Asian man with a Hispanic woman or a even a Caucasian man with a Black woman. I don't know...maybe she would, but it didn't come across that way in her commentary. Her wince toward black men dating interracially seemed to affect her solely because it limited how many black men were available to her.

I would agree her views are a bit selfish...but then...um...Ms. Scott's gotta look out for numbro uno. I can't fault the woman for that. Who knows, maybe soon we'll be reading a commentary from Chinese men wincing about Chinese women dating IR because of the disporportionate ratio of men to women in China. Just sayin...

Adoption is Not for the Faint at Heart

2010-04-12T12:10:00.004-04:00

Growing up I remember my parents holding no holds barred sessions with super enthusiastic wanna-be adoptive parent(s). Had you sat in on one of these sessions you might have been convinced my parents were trying to talk these families out of adopting by their raw approach. My father was often quoted saying, "If you are adopting because you think you are going to save a child, think again. However, if you are adopting because you want to stretch the boundaries of your love, you have a credible start..."

It appears that Marilyn and Jim didn't grasp the concept my father was trying to convey. Hence, on one icy, bitter cold day in the middle of a Michigan winter, 14 year old James found himself being boarded on an American Airlines flight back to Haiti. All he had to prepare himself for a country he knew nothing about was a suitcase filled with about a weeks worth of clothes and a note with my parents contact information.

According to Marilyn and Jim, James had become increasingly hostile and dangerous in the days leading up to his return. He was acting out in ways that made them fear for their other children. They felt it would be better to send him back to his land of birth where he could be reunited with his people than for him to be locked up in an American juvenile correction facility. I'm not sure what people they thought James had. When he was being adopted efforts were made to reach out to his family to make sure his adoption wouldn't breach his family's right to him. However, no family ever came forward. Therefore, abandoned and afraid, James traveled a 4 hours flight to Haiti to his people that didn't even exist.

When I read about the 7 year old adopted Russian boy who was returned to Russia my heart sank. Why? Who could do something so vile, so heartless and so unforgiving? It must be a real monster of a person to be so abominable. For moment or two I sat in front of my computer screen audibly expressing my outright shock and disbelief as I read the story. Slowly, as my mind went over the details of the story, memories of young James' return to Haiti started seeping through my mind.

Then I started reminiscing about Marilyn and Jim. They weren't a selfish and narcistic couple with a superman's complex. No, quite the contrary. They were such a gentle, fun-loving duo who always seemed to be advocating for the weak. Anyone who has ever met Marilyn and Jim could attest to their devout affection for children and animals. They volunteered at the orphanage my parents ran for nearly a year. They were like the pied piper. Everywhere they went, children and dogs ran behind them. Consequently, how did they go from being champions for the less fortunate to being cold-hearted people that would return their adopted son back to Haiti?

According to James, he never felt like he fully fit in or that he was completely accepted. He said he had a hard time living in the small minded Michigan town where he was one of a few black people. He admitted to getting into trouble a lot and acting out. However, he said they never tried to understand his need to be around people more like himself and that he felt lost in their white bread town.The dynamics of a transracial adoption does require parenting out of the box sometimes. The heart doesn't see color, but the eyes do.

I genuinely believe Marilyn and Jim meant well. I'd like to even believe they didn't set out to adopt with the ideal that if it doesn't work, they can always return James. Nonetheless, somewhere in their great intentions they did have the misconceptions that they could save James. When they realized James' struggles to define himself and affirm his identity were beyond their scope of understanding, they concluded he was unsavable. The truth is people don't save each other.

Providing resources can direct people. Listening can encourage people. Empathy can help people. Open hearts can heal people. As my father used to say "If you are adopting because you think you are going to save a child, think again. However, if you are adopting because you want to stretch the boundaries of your love, you have a credible start. Adoption is not for the faint at heart."

Can a White Man Sympathize with His Biracial Son's Racial Profiling?

2010-04-09T01:05:00.006-04:00

Several nights ago on the 11pm news I watched a story about a young black man who was stopped by the police in one of our more affluent neighborhoods. To paraphrase the story:

A young black man driving a late model Mercedes convertible was traveling in an affluent residential neighborhood, late at night, when he was stopped by the police.

The report went on to say that the police immediately demand that the young man get out of his car and turn over his DL, registration and insurance. The man handed over the requested documentation but refused to exit the car since he felt he hadn't committed any offenses. A second cop car arrived at the scene and both police began yelling at the man to exit the car to avoid being arrested. The man continued to refuse and was arrested and hauled off to jail.

A picture of the man's mug-shot was flashed across the screen. He was a light skinned man. Following the mug-shot was an interview with an interracial couple, an African American man and Caucasian woman. This couple was the young man's parents. The father said his son had never been in trouble with the law. He's a pre-med student and an all around great kid. They were shocked to hear that he had been arrested and were very disturb by the way the police had handled the situation. The couple said they felt their son was racially profiled.

As I watched the broadcast I had this overwhelming apprehension that this could be my story in the next 10-15 years. But then another thought permeated my mind. God forbid this did happen to one of my sons, how would their fathers handle this situation. Say for instance in the next 20 years my second born feels he was subjected to racial profiling. Would my husband be able to be a comfort to him since as a Caucasian man he will most likely never be racially profiled?

I realized the only way to find out was to ask my husband. I retold the entire news story to him and then brought the situation home to our son.

Me: If our son in 20 years came to you and said that he was racially profiled because he's a black man driving a nice car in a nice neighborhood late at night, how would you handle that? If he said that you couldn't relate or understand what it's like to experience this situation because you are white and this sort of thing doesn't happen to white people, how would you respond?

Husband: *pausing for a moment to think before responding* Well, I'd have to be honest with him and tell him that I don't understand what it's like to be racially profiled. He's right in saying that it's an injustice I'll probably never experience. However, I feel that's if he was racially profiled it was dead wrong.

My husband paused a moment before he continued...

Husband: I would explain to him that if the police ever tells him to get out of his car that he should comply immediately to the orders. He needs to understand that he should respect authority and try to mitigate a situation like that by abiding by the rules. Police are extremely on edge when they approach vehicles because of the increased amount of violence against officers. In the situation on the news, the officer may have asked the guy to get out of his car simply for his own safety, since the guy could have had a gun. This would have had nothing to do with the color of the guy's skin. The more a civilian resists authority the worse it makes the situation and the police will become more aggressive with that person.

Me: Hmmm...that's true. I never looked at it from that perspective.

Husband: I may not have experienced prejudice toward me because of my race, but I know what it feels like to be hated because of my nationality. While serving in Iraq every moment of everyday, 24/7 I lived with a constant fear because Iraqis wanted nothing better than to see me tortured to death in the most excruciating way. They loathed anything American. I was there to serve our country and risked my life not only for Americans but for Iraqis too.Yet the Iraqis despised the air I breathed. I do understand what it's like to be unfairly judged simply because of who I am. I can share this with our son.

As I sat there listening to my husband sharing with me about how he would handle this situation I had a renewed sense of strength in being a multiracial family. No matter how egregious the situation is, our family with open hearts and minds will be able to get through it.

Natural Remedies for Dandruff

2010-04-08T13:48:00.000-04:00

Dandruff is characterized by a flaky scalp that looks like snow flakes. Dandruff often settles on your shoulders & face leaving an unsightly reminder of your problem. There are two types of dandruff. Dry dandruff, causes itchy scalp and small white particles that are attached to the scalp or scattered throughout the hair. Waxy dandruff happens when the scaliness of the epidermis mixes with sebum and sticks to the scalp.

Different factors can cause dandruff. Some of these factors are poor nutrition, zinc deficiency, fungus, yeast infection and certain soaps & shampoos. Narrowing down the root cause of dandruff will greatly help in curing and preventing it. Here are a few methods you may want to try if you have dandruff:

Squeeze aloe juice from the plant's stem to your scalp and massage it in once a day. The best time to do this is just before before bedtime and leave it overnight. Rinse it out in the morning. Do this for an entire month.
Wet your hands and scrub baking soda vigorously into your scalp. After rinsing it out, massage Tonic Oil- containing the oils of wintergreen, eucalyptus, and menthol-into your scalp. Leave this on for 10 minutes before using a hypoallergenic or all natural, scent-free shampoo.
Lemon contains excellent oil cleansing elements that provide antibacterial effects as well. Take the peels of 2 lemons and let them soak in about 2 cups of coconut oil for 8-10 days. Let this mixture sit in the direct sunlight. Strain the mixture and then apply to the affected hair in small portions for 3-4 days or until you see marked improvement in the dandruff.
Tea tree oil, [like baking soda & breast milk (for babies, of course)] is my go-to cure for all that ails. LOL Okay, so tea tree can't cure everything, but it can do a lot of good. Tea tree oil can be used to remedy dandruff as well. It's a great anti-bacterial and can help treat fungus if that is the cause of some dandruff. Add about 2-3 drops of tea tree oil to a small amount of hypoallergenic or all natural shampoo that you wash your hair with.

A good diet, lots of water and regular exercise are the best way to keep your hair looking it's best. However, these tips and suggestion for dandruff may help cure dandruff if it sneaks up unexpectedly.

Homemade Kombucha Recipe

2010-04-08T12:19:00.000-04:00

If you've heard of the trendy drink called Kombucha, made with fermented tea, you'll know it's all the rave in holistic health circles. I tend to shy away from the a la mode drinks, because usually their popularity (and price) is garnered from a celebrity putting his/her stamp of approval on it. If a product is good for you, then it's good for you regardless if Oprah claims it'll prolong your life, if you know what I mean. However, I have researched Kombucha and it is highly regarded for it's rich nutrient and vitamin content.

Kombucha has been widely used for detoxification, cancer prevention, stimulating the immune system, and improving digestion. While there is sufficient controversy in Western medicine over the benefits of this drink, it has been used for over 2000 years in Asian cultures with marked results. Furthermore, in the 1st half of the 20th century, extensive scientific research was done on Kombucha in Russia and Germany which support the benefits of this drink.

I found a wonder recipe at Mindful Mama that I had to share:

To get started, you’ll need live kombucha cultures, the gel-like, white rubbery “pancakes” that are actually colonies of yeast and good bacteria. You can find them online but before you pay for shipping, try checking your local Craigslist or health food store for locally made kombucha (from people like me who are overflowing with cultures and desperate to give them away).

Other than the cultures, you’ll need:

High quality black organic tea bags. (Note: You can use green tea, too, but you’ll need at least two black tea bags in a batch.)
High quality organic white sugar
Glass jars or bowls
High-quality cheesecloth
Distilled water
Large pot
A place to leave the cultures to grow, preferably in a warm/sunny part of the house

Now you are ready to start! Here are the 10 simple steps:

Boil 5 quarts of water.
Drop in 5 tea bags.
Steep for 30 minutes.
Let tea cool to room temperature.
Stir in 1 cup sugar.
Pour sweet tea into jars up to two inches from the top. My 5 quarts make 7 jars.
Drop a culture “pancake” in each jar.
Pour in a little of the liquid from the jar or bag that your cultures came in.
Put cheesecloth over each jar and secure it with a jar ring or elastic band.
Let sit for 5 to 10 days depending on how warm your house is. The warmer the environment is, the faster it completes its process and is ready to drink.

Click on the link to read the rest of the recipe!

Wanna Win Some COOL Prizes?!

2010-04-07T12:28:00.001-04:00

Click on the links below so you can enter for a chance to win COOL prizes:

Win a kajeet Pay-as-You Go Cell phone for your child or teen!

Vote for Mom On The Rise and YOU could win a HP Printer and Wii Fit!

Enter to win "Mixed: Portraits of Multiracial Kids" over at MixedandHappy.com!

What are you waiting on?! Hurry on over to enter. These giveaways will be ending soon. You can enter DAILY for each of these giveaways AND there are multiple ways to receive entries =)

Steve! What an ASS!

2010-04-06T08:33:00.004-04:00

Yesterday, a friend and I went to the mechanic with children in tow. My friend had her two children and I had my 8 yo. This shop is part of a large national franchise. This wasn't the kind of place run by a gruff sounding, beer-bellied man with 3-day stubble, a oil stained t-shirt, and grungy jeans that sag far too low. This is the type of shop you go to because you want decent customer service and warrantied work. Hence, why I used this place. Oh, and also because my husband raved about the quality work and great guys that run the place.

I was wearing a pair of yoga pants with a t-shirt. My locs were pulled back in a half ponytail. While I didn't look I'm too sexy for Milan, I didn't look any worse than anyone else in the shop. Basically I didn't look ghetto. My friend and I approached the counter to talk to Steve. That was the name on his shirt. He gave us the look that said I bet your 10 kids all have different baby daddies and summoned the person behind us to come forward.

I turned to my friend to see if she had witnessed what had happened. My friend was about to say something to Steve, but the person behind us told Steve that we were ahead of him. Once again we moved forward to the counter. Steve neither apologized for overlooking us or even greeted us. Not wanting to waste time, I ignored his behavior and explained to Steve my car problems. While I was speaking to Steve, he turned around and started pulling some papers from a fax machine behind him.

I could tell at this point my friend was about to blow a gasket. Not wanting to start a scene and because our children were getting a little loud I asked her if she wouldn't mind taking them to sit down. Plus, I knew if she she started on Steve, the mad black woman would come out of me and well...we had kids. I digress.

I turned my attention back to Steve who still had his back turned to me. I asked him for his attention, to which he replied "I can hear you, go ahead..." in a very nonchalant attitude. Again, trying to keep my temper under control I decided to just go ahead and finish what I was saying. When I was done he said nothing. At this point I just stood there dumbfounded, really in a state of disbelief that Steve was so incredibly rude. The split second I stood there trying to digest the situation he interrupted my thoughts to say, "Listen, hold on a minute. I need to get this machine to work."

I was about to tell Steve that I wanted to speak to the manager immediately when I felt the presence of my husband beside me. He, in a very no-nonsense, don't-mess-with-me tone of voice asked "Steve, what seems to be the problem here?" Steve jolted to a straight up position and whipped his head around so fast I thought the poor man might have gotten whiplash. When he saw the close proximity that my husband was standing next to me I thought he might just shatter into a thousand pieces. I don't know if his shock was due to disbelief at seeing who my husband is because he's white or because my husband is a good customer of his. Maybe both. Probably more the first than the second.

Immediately, Steve went from Dr. Jekkle to Mr. Hyde in a moments notice. Seriously, I couldn't hide my utter amazement at how differently Steve treated my husband. It made my stomach sick and seriously if I had vomited I would have made sure I sprewed the slimmy grossness on him. I know. I know. That's so very unrighteous. I was just that nauseated by his behavior. It took my husband literally 20 seconds to resolve what I couldn't resolve in probably 10 minutes. When my husband was wrapping up he emphasized to Steve, that he had witnessed the way he behaved toward me and that he would be calling the headquarters of the chain to inform them of the incident. Steve's face grew ruby red at this point. Beet red. I don't know if he wanted to cry, or explode. All I know is that Steve stood there frozen and speechless as we walked over to my friend who was seething.

Choosing Friends

2010-04-05T12:07:00.002-04:00

A few weeks ago my son asked me to explain how I choose my friends. After taking a moment to think about it, I decided to ask him how does he choose his friends.

"Well I like kids that like the same games I like. I like fun kids and kids that make me laugh." He began saying.

He continued on, "I like kids that are nice to me, not like Lauren. Remember mom she's the girl that scratched me on my leg and made it bleed."

I nodded my head indicating that I remembered who Lauren is.

"I like kids that are smart. Isabelle she's not that smart and she asks too many questions. Every minute I have to explain everything to her. She gets on my nerves when I tell her something and then I have to tell her again because she doesn't remember."

I chuckled to myself at his last statement. I thought about the gazillion times I've had to repeat myself to him because he didn't listen. If a person's smarts are based on remembering and listening skills, well then he's...ummm... never mind...I'll leave that one alone. Mama's not being very nice. Ha! Gotta love children's reasoning at that age.

We talked about friendships and I share with him what makes a true friend in my opinion. It's interesting how my friendships have evolved over the years. What I value in friendships today, isn't what I valued in friendships in the past. I can understand that at my son's age, he would want friends that are fun, funny, smart and nice. For him, life is about all things entertaining and enjoyable. While I want him to know the true depth of friendship, I realize that for now he doesn't need the profoundness that genuine friendships provide. He is entitled to his joie de vie and his innocent approach to friendships because for now what true friendship supplies is coming from his family.

I know his friendships will evolve over time. There will come a day when he realizes friendships aren't just about fun and games, but about values and beliefs. His friendships won't be so self-centered, but instead will be a special balance of giving and receiving. He'll understand that friends don't have to agree on everything that matters the most to each individual person. But instead, friend understand that what they do agree upon, matters the most in the friendship.

I've learned over the years I don't choose my friends. My friends grew out of circumstances, chance meetings and mutual connections. Some of my friends I wouldn't have ever imagined would have become my friends had I had the ability to look into the future. I probably would have laughed at destiny had she told me down the road our paths would cross in a new way and a friendship would be born. What I've come to realize as the element that has made friendships rise out of ashes and soul mates out of odd circumstances is unconditional people. Open minded people. Nonjudgmental people. I have friends from all walks of life - religious, non religious, Christian, Muslim, agnostic, gay, straight, etc. and all the colors in between. They know where I stand in my belief system. I know where they stand in their belief system. I respect that I can't change them and they respect that they can't change me. We all appreciate that we can be real, honest and transparent without overpowering our friendship with our own individualized dogma.

Soon, very soon, my son will find himself having these kinds of friendships and what he has now will pale in comparison.

Why?

2010-04-04T08:00:00.001-04:00

This is why my faith means everything to me:

Happy Easter. He is has risen.

Dear Anonymous Myrna

2010-04-02T03:58:00.001-04:00

I wanted to answer a question that was left by a commenter on my On Being Biracial post. I do apologize that I forgot to answer this earlier. I read and appreciate ALL the comments left on my posts. Unfortunately, at times I forget to respond. I suck...

Anonymous Myrna wrote:
I have a ‘just curious’ question: If you check the mixed race box, that does not tell how you are mixed, so why bother? The people in the mixed race category will likely not include the same racial mix as you do. Why would one feel that they better fit with a Mexican-Russian or Chinese-Laotian than with an African American when their racial mix includes some African ancestry? I hope this question doesn't come across offensively and I wonder if there are any bloggers who have talked about their feelings about this already.

This is a great question and I'm glad you raised it. The topic regarding a mixed race category does beg an answer about whether having one is potentially too ambiguous. This year there seems to be a larger interest and increased excitement in the mixed race community about the census that is being passed out. I haven't seen it yet. However, from what I'm hearing the government has made a greater effort to acknowledge mixed race people than they did in previous censuses.

This, of course is an exciting move forward for a family like my own that is multiracial/multicultural. Nonetheless, is it beneficial for my children (1/2 Black, 1/2 Caucasian) to be lumped in the same category with a child 1/2 Asian, 1/2 Hispanic? Let's tackle that question. Since I haven't seen the new census form, I can't adequately speak on it at this point.

All the same I can speak on past forms that I have filled out requesting racial identity regarding my children. I do feel it's important to have a separate racial category for mixed race people. A mixed race person is neither more one race than the other. Similarly, if you breed a donkey and a horse you have a mule, and the animal is neither more donkey or more horse. This same principle applies to the mixing of races and I think it's important that people recognize this. Furthermore, and the most important reason (In my opinion) why it's necessary to identify mixed race people is for medical and state benefits. When a woman is pregnant the doctor will most likely request genetic testing on the unborn child. This testing is vital in predetermining if the child will be born with defects that can be passed down from certain racial groups.

If a student is applying for higher education they are required to identify their race when proceeding through the financial aid process. This information helps in determining what specific aid is available based on race, ethnicity, etc. If my child is half Native American and there is a special grant for Native Americans available, I would most certainly want to identify him as 1/2 Native American since he may potentially qualify.

That being said, on a lot of forms identifying what specific racial mixture a person is, isn't always very simple. My solution when this situation arises is to choose "Other:______" and I then state what racial mixture my children are. If the form does have a multiracial category I will check it along with "Other" and do as I mention above. At times I've checked both Black and Caucasian unless I as told that only one box can be checked.

There are certainly ways around the ambiguity of the multiracial category and it's up to people that it affects the most to speak up and speak out until a viable solution is found. Thanks for asking your thought provoking question and I hope I brought a little clarity to it.

Enter to Win “Mixed: Portraits of Multiracial Kids” by Kip Fulbeck!

2010-04-02T03:58:00.000-04:00

Man I don't know why I'm sharing this great information with you. Seriously, I should keep it all to myself so I can increase my odds of winning. Haaaaa! Nah. You all know I'm generous like that. I could never be so selfish.

Okay, okay on to the giveaway. If you haven't checked out Mixed and Happy, you should. Just like the name suggests this is a site for families and individuals who are of mixed race origins. You don't have to be part of the mixed race community to be involved. If you support the mixed race community then go on over and take a look-see. You really should check out this site's "how it all began" page. It has a pretty unique beginning.

I know. I know. You want me to get to the giveaway already. While you are there checking the site out, don't forget to enter their giveaway for “Mixed: Portraits of Multiracial Kids” by Kip Fulbeck. I've heard great reviews about this book and I bet it's awesome.

No need to thank me for sharing this tidbit...just pop on over and see what's cookin'.

Healthy Food Coloring Alternatives for Easter Eggs

2010-04-02T02:26:00.001-04:00

Ditch the store bought food coloring and make your own. You'll enjoy making it and it will be healthier for your family too. If you want the skinny on why store bought food coloring is so unhealthy click on over to HealthyChild.org to read all about it.

Preparation: For each color that you make add 4-5 cups of water to a pan and add the ingredients listed below with a tablespoon of vinegar. Let the mixture come to a complete boil, then reduce the temperature to a simmer for about 1-2 hours. Remove the liquid from the stove and allow it to cool down to room temperature. Add you hard boiled eggs and completely submerge them in the colored liquid long enough until you see them acquire the desired depth of color. You may even wish to leave them in the colored liquid over night in the refrigerator.

Red: A 1/4 cup of Paprika or Chili powder
Orange: 2-3 cups of yellow onion peels
Yellow: A few tablespoons of ground Cumin or Curry Powder
Green: Lots of dark green leaf plants like Spinach, Callaloo or green Curry
Blue: 2 cup of frozen blueberries
Purple/violet: 2 Grape juice (You may want to boil this undiluted)

Have fun making them and have a wonderful Easter!

Produce You Do NOT Have to Buy Organic

2010-03-31T15:34:00.000-04:00

I love the Whole Foods Market. If I could live there, I probably would. The Whole Foods chain comes only second to local organic mom/pop markets. Ah man! I lurve me some of them, especially if they are on a farm. I think in my former life I was a farmer's wife. Ha!

The main issue with buying organic is the cost. Nothing is cheap anymore and buying organic can darn near put someone in the poor house, if you don't ~~stalk~~ watch your wallet. Are you with me, my beautiful ecolovelies? But not to worry, there are adjustments that can be made. Not all produce must be bought organic if you are on a budget. According to an article on Shine.Yahoo.com the Environmental Working Group (EWG) has identified 15 fruits and vegetables that do not have to be bought organic.

1. Asparagus 2. Avocado 3. Broccoli 4. Cabbage
5. Eggplant 6. Kiwi 7. Mango 8. Onions

9. Papaya 10. Pineapple 11. Sweet corn (frozen)

12. Sweet peas (frozen) 13. Sweet potatoes

14. Tomatoes 15. Watermelon

The article go on to mention 12 produce that are most likely to have a higher traces of pesticides.

1. Apples    2. Carrots    3. Celery    4. Cherries
5. Grapes (imported)   6. Kale    7. Lettuce
8. Nectarines    9. Peaches    10. Pears
11. Sweet bell peppers 12. Strawberries

Hopefully this information will help make grocery planning a little easier and will help keep more money in your pocketbook.

image: google images

Saying My ABC's and a Head Roll?!

2010-03-31T14:02:00.016-04:00

Check out my pint-size little human full of juicy-cute! Yes, my lovelies. He just recited his ABCs. Go on ahead and tell me he's gonna be prez tomorrow. Watch out Mr. Prez!

Wait a sec... Did that boy just roll his head at me when he said "(I wanna) see it!" ?? He better recognize who his Mama is, cause I don't play. hehehe...that child is pure comedy! Maybe he needs to go for showbiz instead. LOL

Thoughts on Open Transracial Adoption

2010-03-30T09:31:00.045-04:00

I received a question via email about my The Case for Transracial Adoption post that I thought was really interesting. Here are my thoughts based on what I observed in my own family.

I am curious on your views about open adoption pertaining to transracial adoption. I guess my main question is if the child will have conflicting emotions. For instance, they have a birth parent that looks more like them (same race etc) and then they have the adoption parent that doesn't. Won't the adopted child feel like they are betraying their birth parent? Or maybe feel guilt about having a closer bond with their adoption parents when they see their natural parent too. Just curious if you have any thoughts on this.

My first recollection of birth parents visiting my family was around 5 years old. I remember that a lady came to visit my family who I wasn't familiar with. I do not remember much about her visit, except for the way my older brother (who was also adopted) reacted to her. He seemed completely uninterested in who this woman was. I have faint memories of my parents trying to get my brother to acknowledge her and he seemed to have no interest in having anything to do with this lady. Later I found out this lady was my older brother's mother.

My parents adopted 5 children altogether. I was the second to be adopted. My brother, mentioned above was the 1st to be adopted and 1st to have an open adoption with is birth mother. All of my adopted brothers & sisters had some degree of contact with their birth parents growing up. I did not have any contact with my birth parents or birth family. It was my parent's decision it was best for my well being. I could write a book about that decision, but in the end I do believe my parents did what they felt was best at the time.

I feel that an open adoption can provide a wonderful experience for the adopted child, even in transracial adoptions. Growing up, I had an eye witness account of a younger sister and a younger brother developing irreplaceable bonds with their birth parents that couldn't be replicated with their adopted parents. These bonds weren't in any way more significant or contradicted the immense bonds they had with their adopted parents. These bonds with their birth parents were in spite of and complimented the bonds with their adopted parents.

I believed this was possible due to well defined understandings between the birth parents and my adoptive parents. My parents recognized their adopted children potentially had a need to answers regarding their identity and family background that only contact with their birth parents could supply. Concurrently, the birth parents may have had a void in their lives left from relinquishing their children. I think the most crucial element in an open adoption is for the adoptive parents and birth parents to have the same understanding of the value of this type of relationship for the child.

I don't feel that an open adoption should be forced on children. As I mentioned earlier, my older brother didn't feel comfortable around his birth mother. Although, she was allowed to visit, once my brother became old enough to express his feelings on the matter, he was not forced to interact with her. I feel this relationship between birth parents and adopted child should develop as quickly, slowly or not at all as is necessary for all child.

I feel the birth parent should understand that he or she isn't to assume the role as parent. While it should be explained to the adopted child who the birth parent is, I think it's counterproductive for the birth parent to try to "act" as a parent. The adoptive child should be taught to respect, honor and appreciate his birth parent for what value he or she does provide to the child's life. However, this doesn't require the birth parents taking on the parental role.

I didn't observe that the racial component in the open transracial adoptions in my family significantly impacted the my siblings. I think all adopted children want to know where they get certain features from, who they look like, etc. My genuine feeling is that at the end of the day, if a child is loved, nurtured, protected and feels safe, it doesn't matter what the color of the skin is that kissed his "ouchie" when he's fallen, that's given him a high-five when he's done a great job, or that's wrapped their arms around him to ease his fears. If the adopted parents and the birth parents clearly have the adopted child's best interest in mind they will help the child understand and appreciate the special relevance each party has in the his life.

Update on the Biracial Family Twit Party

2010-03-29T13:49:00.001-04:00

If you are reading this post and you aren't aware of what I'm talking about, this past Friday, March 26th I was one of three (3) tweeters to hosts the first Biracial Family Twitter Party. If you missed it, you missed it. It was really a great time of learning, sharing and meeting other families, advocates and individuals with a serious passion to help shape and progress the understanding of having a biracial family or being biracial.

It was a bit overwhelming at times for twitter newbies. For that, I apologize. It certainly didn't happen without a few hiccups for some participants that couldn't figure out where we were located on twitter and how to be involved in the conversation. All in all, despite the minor setbacks, the conversation flowed extremely well and the stream was very consistent.

BIG thank you to everyone who helped promote the party and who passed the word along. Most definitely, a HUGE thank you to those of you who showed up and made an effort to be there. Our mixed race community is a unique part of the larger community and we should be recognized for who we are. This event was the brainchild of @Euphorialuv and certainly couldn't have happened without the major contributions of @Jamericanspice. Thanks ladies for letting me participate in this with you two.

SAVE THE DATE: Biracial Family Twitter Party

2010-03-22T12:41:00.003-04:00

Event: Biracial Family Twitter Party

Place: Twitter

Date: March 26, 2010 from 9p-10p EST

Hosts: @euphorialuv , @Quiskaeya and @Jamericanspice

Topic: Teaching Biracial Children About their Identity

Purpose: To provide parents & biracials with the opportunity to talk about biracial identity to help build a stronger multiracial/multicultural community

As a parent of a biracial how do you help your child self-identify? Ex: books, events, playgroups etc
If your child chose one identity over another would it offend you?
Are your children equally accepted by both sides of the family?
Do you feel the one drop rule is still widely thought and accepted with regards to biracials?
Do you consider how society will identify your child? Does this effect how you teach your biracial child to self-identity?

RSVP: http://twtvite.com/6a0u27

Even if you do not have a twitter account you can still join the conversation. The discussion will stream through tweetchat (http://tweetchat.com). You can set up an account with them and jump right into the action.

Please feel free to spread the word to other multiracial/multicultural groups. Hope that you will join in for a time of learning and sharing.

The Case for Transracial Adoption

2010-03-18T02:19:00.097-04:00

I have a big heart for boys. I have two wonderful boys of my own, so why wouldn't I love boys. However, my heart for boys started long before I was gifted my two sweet lil men. When I was 16 years old I fell in love with the most precious little angel baby boy at the orphanage my parents directed. From the day I met him until the morning he was sent away, he was attached to my hip when I wasn't at school or with friends. I dreamed of adopting him. My parents told me I was too young. I had a life to live; high school to finish; college to attend and a future to consider. Even still, I thought they'd see the light and realize my deep love for this baby and let me adopt him or perhaps my parents would adopt him.

One very painful morning my eldest sister told me he was gone. He had been sent to the capital city of Port-Au-Prince where he joined a missionary family that would take him to the US for adoption. I cried. I was so angry and devastated. In my silly 16 year old mind had really thought somehow my parents wouldn't send him away because I adored that baby so much.

When I read The New York Times article about black baby boys the least likely to be adopted my heart sank. Emotions inside me, made me long to swoop up all the little black angel baby boys into my arms. I think my arms are big enough - at least in my mind they are. According to the NYT's article the bias against little black boys is across the board. We're talking about straight, gay, white, black, etc all have a preference for little girls, with a strong preference for Caucasion or Hispanic girls.

While doing some research I stumbled upon a study called the Transracial Parenting Initiative: Literature Review and was appalled to read that the National Association of Black Social Workers (NABSW) back in 1972 took a very public stand against Transracial adoption. Although, their current position as softened, they still overwhelmingly prefer black adoptions for black children. Their current position is that all efforts should be made for black children to be adopted by black families and only if no suitable family can be found, then and only then, should a white family be considered. Essentially, the NABSW is advancing the damage and disparity against black boys. Someone grab me some boxing gloves because I need a couple of rounds with this organization.

I have valid reasons to feel dejected by NABSW or anyone, for that matter, that has an agenda against Transracial adoption. For me it's a personal assault. As I've noted before, that I was adopted. However, it eludes me if I ever mentioned that I was adopted by a Caucasian American family that lived in Haiti. In the early 50s my parents, as a very young couple, moved to Haiti with a medical missionary project and never left. In all actuality they are just as Haitian or more Haitian (*snicker*) than I am and speak French and Haitian Kreyol flawlessly with no hint of an accent. They moved to Haiti with their 4 young children (age 3yrs - 7yrs) in tow.

I know the arguments against Transracial adoption probably better than anyone. 1) The children will have identity crises. 2) They'll suffer self-esteem issues. 3) They'll feel like an outsider in the family. 4) They'll be culturally detached from their roots and the list goes on and on. Stop. Please stop. It's all ludicrous and nonsensical....errr...mostly. If you noticed, I didn't say it's completely ludicrous and nonsensical. Let me be the witness and a testament that Transracial adoptions do produce normal people - ME. Stop the snickering because I know y'all think I'm crazy...which I am...but anyway, let's not get sidetracked.

However, there are a few cases where Transracial adoptions have lead to some of the allegations above. Let's face the facts, parents of Transracial adoptees need to be educated on the cultural-racial identity needs of the child. Efforts need to be made to address those needs and affirm the desire of the adoptee to be connected with his/her racial background. This effort needs to be inclusive of the entire family and exclusive to the adoptee when necessary and beneficial. Knowing when and how to do this demands the parents to be acute to the adoptee's needs and to the overall impact to the entire family. Transracial adoption brings an unique perspective to parenting, but the results can lead to a multicultural family environment and a greater awareness of diversity. There is absolute nothing wrong with that!

On Being Biracial

2010-03-15T08:15:00.003-04:00

The topic of being biracial isn't one that we really discuss with our children. We often speak about the multicultural, bilingual aspect of our family to help them have a strong sense of self. I was watching a YouTube video where a mother asked her mixed raced children what does being biracial mean to them. Instinctively, I began wondering how my 8 yo would respond if I asked him questions about his identity.

Remarkably, my son has never shown a curiosity about his father and mother having very different complexions. Once, I read on a blog about a 3 yo biracial boy telling his mom "Mommy you are purple, daddy is pink and I'm orange!" It's pretty amazing that a toddler would be so perceptive. This child clearly recognized the complexion difference in his family. We didn't experience that with my 8yo when he was younger. Whether or not he recognized as a toddler that he was a different color than I am and much closer in complexion to his dad, is something he didn't bring up. It's a non-issue to him and it's a non-issue to all of us. When I've had people question me about my son's identity right in front of him, I'm often surprised that he doesn't ask me about it later on.

Last year when I wrote Mama is Brown. Son is Tan. Got Confusion? that situation was probably the first time that I can think of where my 8 yo was personally put in a position to respond to someone questioning his relationship to me. The good thing is these types of situations are very infrequent these day since the stark similarity to me is undeniable. Up until he was about 3 yo he had auburn hair and a pale, pale complexion that gave people quite a bit of pause when they saw us together. I have more nanny and Is he your son? stories to tell than I care to remember prior to his hair changing color and his complexion gaining some real tone.

As I was thinking about these things, it made me more curious to find out what would be my son's response regarding his race.

Me: What race or ethnicity do you tell people you are when they ask?

Son: Race? Ethnicity?

Me: Yes, like black, white, hispanic, asian...

Son: Ohhhh! I thought you were talking about race as in running a race. I wasn't sure why I would tell people what kind of race I'm in. *chuckles at this point*

Son: Well some of the kids at school asked me if I'm hispanic, because they said I look hispanic. My teacher asked about my family and I told her my mom is from Haiti and my dad is from Israel. She said that I'm African American.

Me: What did you tell the kids at school and your teacher?

Son: Well I told my the kids at school I'm mixed with Haitian and Israeli. I told my teacher I'm an African American, but I think that makes me a mixed African American.

Me: What did your teacher say?

Son: She laughed and said, "Well alright, if you wanna look at it that way I guess were all mixed African Americans."

I'm happy to know my son can handle himself in these types of situations. Actually, it's a relief to know that he is comfortable talking about his identity. I am surprised that he never mentioned any of these things to me. The lesson emphasized (yet again) is that as a parent it is necessary to bring up certain topics even if the child doesn't appear to be phased or interested in the topics. He could have faced these questions feeling ill at ease or even confused as to how he should respond. I'm happy that wasn't the case.

On another note, I think it's interesting the comment the teacher made: "Well alright, if you wanna look at it that way I guess were all mixed..."? She has a point, then again what my son was talking about wasn't the point she was making. Either she didn't get what he was trying to say about being biracial or she doesn't consider a person who is half one race and half another race to be biracial. Who knows...

Back to the Basics: Natural Remedies for Diaper Rash

2010-03-10T16:42:00.004-05:00

As surprising as this may sound, both of my kids rarely had diaper rashes as infants. I think my first son had a diaper rash only once. It was caused by an antibiotic he was prescribed, that later we found out he was allergic too. He got pretty sick with a both diaper rash and vomiting. My second son had a diaper rash maybe 2 times. Each time he had a diaper rash we were quick to apply these remedies I'm going to share with you below and within days the rash was gone.

Breast Milk:
I attribute breastfeeding to the reason my children hardly had diaper rash. Whether or not you agree that breastfeeding is the greatest gift for a child or not, there is truth in the fact that breast milk has a lot of wonderful nutrients for babies. Did you know if your baby has a mild diaper rash or pink eye, you can apply fresh breast milk to his diaper rash or in his eyes for a few days and the symptoms will clear up? Of course it all depends on the severity of the symptoms and at what stage you start the breast milk treatment. The rule of thumb is, the moment you notice even a hint of infection start treating it immediately.

Rash Paste:
If you mix cornstarch and vaseline into a paste and apply it liberally to the diaper rash you may see an improvement as soon as the next diaper change. I applied it at night before I laid my babies to sleep and I saw marked improvement by the next morning. Continue to apply the paste until the rash has completely healed. I generally added equal parts cornstarch to vaseline.

Bathing:
Add about 1-2 tablespoons of oatmeal to warm bath water. Throughout the bathing process swish the water around the area with the rash. Let the baby soak in the water for a good 15 minutes so the oatmeal mixture has enough time to be absorbed into the baby's skin. You may want to add the oatmeal to the bath water 5-10 minutes before you bathe the child, so it has plenty of time to soak in the water.

Baking Soda is my go-to product for everything. I use it for house cleaning, nasal irrigation (homemade nasal mist), and even for diaper rash. Apply a liberal amount (1 to 1 1/2 cups) of baking soda into the baby's warm bath water. Let is fully absorb into the water. Let the your baby soak in the water and gently rub the water to the affected area. You make want to take a small amount of baking soda and lightly smooth it over the baby's rash. You do not want to put any pressure while smoothing the baking soda over the affected areas so as to not cause further irritation to the rash.

When you are trying the bathing techniques do not wash the baby with shampoo, baby washes, etc. The only thing you should be using to wash the baby is the solution the baby is soaking in. All of these remedies were recommend to me by my amazing lactation specialist and they work. She was a saint and became like a surrogate mother to me my 1st year of motherhood. I don't know what I would have done without that wonderful woman. If you want to hear how I met her check out my breastfeeding story on Mommy Factor!

image: google images

Kids and Finances

2010-03-09T13:15:00.001-05:00

My 8 year old, Tiger, mentioned to me over the weekend that some of his classmates receive allowances from their parents. I asked him what an allowance is before embarking on the conversation with him. He told me according to his friends they receive money every week if they do good in school, do their chores and other things like that. I began saying to myself, if those acts are the basis for receiving an allowance, dear son you will not be getting one. I know my thoughts weren't very nice, but recently we've been having some issues with him talking in class when he's supposed to be listening.

As a student, he gets straight A's. He's a brilliant child. I don't say this because he's mine (and all parents think they have the next Einstein) but 2 years running he's scored in the top tier of the state FCAT. He is state recognized. However, despite his brains and intelligence he can't seem to figure out how to keep his mouth shut in class. Furthermore, he's not very good at putting away his toys and keeping his space clean. Having said that, I know his issues aren't isolated to him alone. Most of my friends complain about the same thing with their children, so I feel some sort of relief knowing he's normal. Some...umm...very little...I mean..not really.

After my son explained to me what an allowance is in his mind, I told him I'd think about and we'd talk about it again later. He didn't exactly ask me for an allowance, however, the fact the conversation came up means this idea has been rolling around in his head and he's bound to ask me if he can have an allowance in the near future.

The idea of an allowance is a tough one for me. While I believe in today's economy giving our children a jump on financial accountability is a must. I'm still not sure on the best method to accomplish this. I realize, the earlier parents can teach their children to handle money, the better equipped they will be for the money challenges in their future. I am completely behind teaching my children the importance of fiscal responsibility. Is giving Tiger an allowance part of the learning process, though?

I was never given an allowance growing up. I did have friends that received allowances. Honestly, with all due respect to my parents, they did a poor job at teaching their children about money. It has been a long road traveled (and still traveling) for me to understand personal and family economics. I desperately want to spare my own children from the financial struggles I've had over the years, so I find myself asking should I have my child an allot amount of money every day, week, month, etc.

My Reasons Con an Allowance:
I feel my son should contribute to the household chores because it's good for building family responsibility. He lives in the house and is part of the family so giving him age-appropriate duties will help to develop that sense of chipping in for the family. In the long run I see it building in him community involvement and giving back. My son's room is his personal space (to some degree) and he helped choose the decor and even helped to decorate it. Since he has pride in the look of his room, he should exemplify that pride by keeping it clean. In a way, it reflects back on his person. If he has pride in himself, then he should comport himself as if he has pride in who he is.

If I pay my son money for helping out around the house or picking up behind himself then I feel it devalues the importance of doing these thing. Instead of choosing to do these things because it allows him to give, instead he will be doing these things because of what he can get. The motive in him will changes and so too will the heart behind doing these things change. I can't wrap my head around paying my son to get good grades. A quality education is my son's birthright. It's an unalienable right - although not specifically stated in the Declaration of Independence, but certainly implied. I do not see any sense in paying my son to do his best in school when the his education is an inheritance.

My Reasons Pro an Allowance:
This past summer my 8 yo, Tiger's dad and his family threw a party for Tiger because he did really well in school. It was a surprise and Tiger just beamed the whole day. It was his dad's way of saying "atta boy!" He deserved the high-five for his good performance because he did exceptionally well. I can see giving my son bonuses, if you will, (which in a way is like an allowance) for performances over and above what he is supposed to do.

Another instance of when I gave him an allowance happened again this past summer. I was chosen to attend the Disney African American Mom Blogger Mixer in June 09. My younger brother stayed over the few days I was gone to help out with the kids while my husband was at work. Changing diapers isn't his thing and I found out after I came home that during the day all diaper changing was done by my 8 yo (then 7 yo). He had never changed diapers prior to this, so he basically figured out on his own how to change the baby's diaper because he didn't want to leave him in dirty diapers all day. To say the least, I was very proud of him. As a big thank you I gave him an allowance and bought him a special gift. Again, I truly feel he deserved it.

These sorts of allowances I completely stand behind. However, giving my son allowances for chores and school work, I have a hard time comprehending. Nonetheless, I do want to find ways to teach him about money, spending wisely, saving, tithing, etc.

Do you give your child(ren) allowances? Yes or no and why? At what ages did you start giving them allowances and how did you determine that amount? I'd love to hear your thoughts on this.

image: google images

Parenting: Are Beliefs Forced on Children?

2010-03-04T08:00:00.002-05:00

I've had this conversation with other people more times then I can count. It generally goes along these lines:

Me: So you don't believe in___? or How did you start practicing___? or How is it that you became a___?

Other person: Well as a child I was forced to___! or I feel my parents made me do___and I hated that! or My parents never allowed me to___and I resent them for that!

I didn't fill in the blanks, because those blanks could be filled with anything that relates to a person's beliefs. Examples would be religion, discipline styles, dating, etc. The common denominator in these conversations has been that the person deviated from the way they were raised because they felt forced as a child into a belief system they now reject.

Over the years my approach and response have changed when having these discussions. Prior to becoming a parent I would hardily agree and relay stories of my own childhood where I felt I was forced to accept my parents' values because I was their child, living in their house! The echoing sounds of my parents telling me this still bellow in my mind when I remember objecting to something they thought was my duty. I have always been a thinker. If my parents told me to do A, B, and C, I'd have a million questions as to why. I had a certain healthy fear of my parents so I didn't question them often, but there were times I couldn't resist the urge and would confront them about things they commanded that I do.

I remember vividly at the age of 9 years old entering a period of discovery. For the first time, I was aware that adults (my parents included) would expect me to do things they themselves didn't always do. Don't lie. Be fair. Don't hold grudges. Always be polite. The list of expectations went on and on and yet I was seeing adults around me doing the very things they said I must never do. I became resentful and even angry. However, because I was a child I didn't understand the proper way to deal with these emotions. As a result of not having a proper outlet to discuss these frustrations, I internalized these feelings and once I turned into a tween & teens I was full of attitude. I swore to myself when I became I parent I would never be like my parents.

Somewhere down the road of first-time parenthood, to my horror, I gradually started seeing my parents in myself. I was requiring the same expectations of my firstborn that my parents required of me. In response to this realization, I started parenting in the opposite direction of how I was raised. I made a decision to not tell him what he should do, but instead ask him to do something or negotiate with him. Fortunately, I quickly realized this method wasn't working for either of us and both of us recovered from that period with little scars.

I understand some parents, parent with this method. I grew up with a family that never disciplined, always asked their children to do things and never enforced any ideas or thoughts. They never spoke sternly to one another and didn't have any rules. Everything was discussed in an open forum manner where everyone's feelings and emotions always had to be considered.

So what kind of parenting style do I have, you might be asking. Honestly, I can't say it's falls into any particular category. It's a little gentle parenting. It's a little my parents' parenting. It's a lotta having to be quick to say I'm sorry dear son. Mama makes mistakes sometimes too. It's 110% wanting my sons to be the best them they can be. I do believe in giving my sons free will and choice on certain matters and will even negotiate with at times. I think allowing my sons to make well thought out choices, will help make them better decision makers and thought leaders. I believe choice should come with responsibility, so as they get older or prove themselves to be more responsible, so too will I give them greater freedom of choice.

So, do I force my beliefs on them? Probably, then again not always. Is it wrong to force my values on my kids? Sometimes, and yet at times not always.

What says you my reader? Talk to me...parenting sure isn't for wimps, eh!

Back to the Basics: Remedies for Allergies

2010-03-03T08:01:00.004-05:00

Spring has sprung! Ha. I know what you're thinking...ummm...err..not in my neighborhood. All we have is snow, snow, and more snow. I hear ya. This winter has been quite a record breaker with snow in places like Texas and Georgia. Supposedly, some parts of Texas hadn't seen snow in over 100+ year prior to this year. Wowsers! Although, we haven't had any snow in my neck of the woods, temperatures dipping into the low 50s in March is unheard for us. It appears my sinuses haven't figured out that when it's cold outside they shouldn't act up likes they do when we're in the heart of spring. Nothing is worse than being cold and miserable, with horrible bouts of sneezing, coughing, congestion, and itchy-watery eyes. Now that's misery at it's finest.

If you suffer from allergies like I do, you know how much they can be a real drag. Short of taking medicine, it can seem like a hopeless situation because it's hard to get reprieve from the symptoms. I have found there are a few natural remedies that help the symptoms and that may even provide an out to taking medicines if your symptoms aren't severe. The good thing about these remedies is that whether or not you have to take medicine you can still apply these methods for symptom relief. The first step to effectively dealing with your allergies is to know what is causing them. Allergies can be caused by a variety of factors such as foods, elements in the air or even something your skin comes in contact with. Narrowing the route of the cause, will significantly help in preventing your sinuses from acting up.

Lavender and Peppermint:
My condo smells like lavender and peppermint. Fortunately, both of these aromas are scents I love or I'd be in for some serious nausea and headaches. After a good rub of either lavender oil or peppermint oil around my sinuses (avoid the eyes), and back of neck, I can breath so much better....*sign*.... with big awwwww. It really helps clear the nostrils.

Homemade Nasal Mist:
Nasal mists are so good for cleaning sinuses from irritants such as pollen and dust. I've been using a recipe that consists of 1/2 teaspoon of table salt, 1/2 teaspoons of baking soda in about 1 1/2 of water. After mixing the ingredients, bring the water to a boil and then let it cool down. A syringe or dropper can be used to wash out your sinuses. Additionally, I take the same solution of table salt, baking soda and boiling water and place it in a bowl and vaporize my face. With a towel laid across my head and draped over the bowl, I breathe in deeply allowing the hot moisture to clear my sinuses. It's so refreshing. I play around with this mixture and sometimes add peppermint and vinegar.

Wasabi, Pepper and Herbs:
Have you ever taken a too large of dollop of wasabi sauce (a member of the horseradish family)? If you have, you know you sinuses and tear ducts go into overdrive. What causes this reaction is allyl isothiocyanate, a component of wasabi, that promotes mucus flow. We've all heard that a nice bowl of hot chicken soup is what the doctor ordered when you have the sinus issues. Next time consider a nice hot bowl of chicken soup laced with black pepper. Peppery foods stimulate the sinuses which cause drainage. Basil tea, a Chinese remedy, has long been used to relieve allergies. Basil contains a high amount of an anti-allergic compound called caffeic acid.

Once again it's always good to narrow down the cause of your allergies. If you have congestion and nasal blockage caused by foods like milk, nuts or wheat, the best way to get your allergies under control is to eliminate these foods from your diet.

image: google images

A Kiss to Make the Kiss Feel Better

2010-03-03T07:58:00.000-05:00

Tar is at that lovely age where his personality shines in every situation. And when I say shine, beware because there might be a serious glare and blazing heat from the brightness. Mama's has to put on her sunglasses to deal with him so I don't get burned! LOL For the most part, the twos have been terrific twos with him. We went through a small spell of tantrums just before he was two and surprisingly since he's turned two he hasn't had any throw-down fits where we had to peel him off the floor. He's a pretty cool two year old and we are lucky.

With Tar, the main thing with him is that he likes choices. Generally, I'll give him two choices for everything - meals, clothes, books, games, etc. Interacting with him this way, I think gives him a feeling of independence and control. Personally, I think it's good for developing decision makers and not kids that can't think on their own. Therefore, when it's appropriate Tar gets choices. As you will note in that last statement, I said when it's appropriate I will give him choices.

I'm a touchy feely kind of mama. I love to give my kids kisses, hugs, rubs on the heads, pats on the back etc. Tar seems to think I need to give him choices on which one of these acts of affection I'm going to give him. I. Don't. Think. SO. Sometimes, if I kiss him he'll wrinkle up his face like he's about to cry and say "Ouch Mama. That hurts." and then points to whereever I kissed him. Another thing he does, is ask me to kiss him whereeve he has a boo-boo or pain. So when he wrinkles up his face and tells me that my kiss gave him an "ouchie" I simply say, "Aww Mama's sorry. Do you want me to kiss it?" Of course he agrees, not realizing I got to kiss him again. Hahaha...

Blended Families: The Balancing Act

2010-03-01T07:45:00.004-05:00

Tiger is from my first marriage. Tar is from my second marriage. Why do I bring this up? When your family is a blended mix like ours it can make for a very interesting and complex parenting style. It's taken sometime for those close to us to really "get it" and some still don't and probably won't ever. Subconsciously, I think it's ingrained in most people that when there are ex's, current spouses and step-children all thrown into the same pot, drama should erupt at regular intervals. It's not that people would like to see bickering and disagreements, however the fact that I feel comfortable enough to leave my second born with my ex for a few hours give some people pause - big pause. Moreover, the fact my husband doesn't mind his child being in the care of my ex or that my ex doesn't mind caring for my second born baffles people to know end.

Granted, it wasn't always like this. All of us went through the adjustment period of trying to figure out how to maneuver in this new family structure once I remarried. There were certainly growing pains along the way and probably a few more casualties than we would have cared for. However, somewhere in our journey to where we are now, we figured it out and miraculously all 3 of us jumped on board relatively at the same time.

I am sharing our story because maybe our experience can help another blended family find hope and provide a different perspective on their situation.

When I remarried my ex-husband he wasn't exactly thrilled. Likewise, my husband didn't exactly go out of his way to develop a friendship with my ex. Although, my ex knew that my husband spent a lot of time with his child, still no effort was made to find common ground where raising my first born Tiger was concerned. I found myself stuck in the middle and often thrown from one side to the other. Despite our efforts to keep the disagreements out of my older son's awareness, he began picking up on the tension.

Our situation pretty much labored that way until after the birth of my second born, Tar. Tar couldn't have been more than a few weeks old when Tiger disclosed some of the most revealing introspection that eventually bought clarity on what we needed to do to develop a better relationship between all of us. To paraphrase what he said,

Now that Tar is here everyone can get along because Tar is part of everyone. He's part of me, part of Mom, part of Scott and part of my Dad. Just like the way Scott gets to be my part-time Dad, my dad can be Tar's part-time dad and we can all share families.

I really didn't get what he was trying to convey at the time. I tried to explain to Tiger that both of them were equally important to all of us because I felt he was feeling unimportant. However, he kept reiterating that his Dad and my husband could now both share kids.

That night it came to me what Tiger was saying. I had a very candid talk with my husband on what kind of relationship he felt Tar and my ex should have. Of course, at first, he responded that he didn't think they should have any kind of a relationship. However, I raised the question about how he would react if down the road Tiger had special events in his life where he would want his Dad, me and Tar to be there for support. I said I could understand him not wanting to attend, but would it be fair to stop Tar from attending. Then I brought up death. If I should die and both fathers moved away with their sons, would he make any effort to try to keep the brotherly bond going.

A few days passed and my husband came to me out of nowhere and said that he didn't mind Tar being with my ex as long as I was there. It was a step in the right direction so I didn't push it. I had the same conversation with my ex, but my questioning was along the lines of whether or not he would feel comfortable having Tar at special events that Tiger might want him to attend. At first I received objections. However, by the end of the conversation he said as long as it was Tiger's (and not my) wish to have Tar present, he was fine with it.

Fast forward to this past summer (2009), Tiger's dad and uncle threw a party for him because he did so well in school. My husband gave Tiger a gift before the party, but didn't attend. He offered to watch Tar while I went. Tiger immediately said that he wanted Tar to come too. I assume the look on my face must have made him remember our conversation almost a year before. He reluctantly agreed. That 1st occurrance was the beginning to a few other similar occurrances. Then in January I had to put both boys in a very costly babysitting center while I worked one Saturday. Both my husband and my ex were working as well. Tiger's dad called me a few hours later to let me know he was on his way to pick up Tiger to help elevate the cost. When he got there Tiger insisted that his dad pick up Tar too. Defeated by Tiger's refusal to leave the center unless Tar went also, my ex's called me to see if it would be okay for him to pick up Tar.

I called up my husband to explain the situation. He realized that a lot of money had to be spent to put the kids in the babysitting service. I'm sure he wasn't thrilled about the idea, but he agreed. To say the least, I was shocked. But beyond shocked I was elated. I was happy that finally there was a reciprocal trust between both men with regards to our children. It gives me a lot of joy and peace to know, that God forbid I should leave my earthly body, these men will somehow figure out a way to keep my boys bonded and close. Our story might not be typical, but for what it's worth it's working and giving us the balance we need.

Just Stoppin' In to Say "HI"

2010-02-25T23:28:00.000-05:00

Hi my lovelies! I've been busy, busy, busy this week. What's new, right? I wanted to stop by and say hello...so HELLO Quiskaeya peeps! I haven't technically been MIA from blogosphere, it's just that I've been concentrating on getting Quiskaeya's Reviews up and running. I finally think I have a look that I like. Go check it out! I have a giveaway in full swing for some lovely beauty products - SEVEN to be exact. There will be 7 different winners. In addition to that, I have another addition of Work At Home Wednesday posted over there too. This week I'm discussing writing for money. If you enjoy writing, you may want to consider getting paid for your skills.

Next week I will have plenty of post to share here to catch you up on the goings-on in my lil world. For the past couple of weeks I've joined in on the #healthychild twitter parties. I absolutely LOVE that twitter party. @healthy_child and @greenandhealthy from Healthy Child Healthy World host this very informative party. That site is my new stalking ground. I love it! If you are into natural and green living join in every Thursday night at 9pm EST. You'll thank me if you do. :)

Another great twitter party is #bfcafe on Thursday as well. This party is about breastfeeding. I'm not sure when the party starts - I think maybe 9:30 or 10pm EST. I wanted to pass that info along as it's good stuff :) Anywoo this post is short and sweet! I'll post more next week.

Toodles,

The one and only Quiskaeya!

Back to the Basics: Remedies for Colic

2010-02-18T08:31:00.001-05:00

I remember as child growing up, watching elders in the community picking herbs and leaves in the brush to make tea. If you would have questioned these gran moun (old folk) about the teas they made, they would have sworn on their lives that these herbs could cure just about anything. Have a headache? There was a herbal tea for that. Have a toothache? There was a tea leaf for that too. Are your joints hurting? Off to the backyard to pick something so tea could be made. Cramps? Indigestion? Flu? You name and there had to be a tea that could cure what ailed you.

Herbal tea remedies weren't only for adults. Teas were made for children and even babies. My eldest sister's last child, one of my nephews, would wail for hours on end when he was a baby. The old folks would tell her "Give him some tea. That'll settle his belly." Teas for children and babies were highly diluted, particularly for babies. All the same, the old folks still felt even in it's diluted form, herbal teas could help children.

Although, my parents raised us with their progressive and modern views on medicine, I have always been fascinated with the practice of herbal and natural remedies to cure illnesses. One time my eldest sister's nanny was watching my nephew I mentioned earlier. Once again he was wailing and crying and the nanny couldn't console him. This lady was a mature robust lady who handled my sister's kids no differently than her own. When my sister had left her home the nanny made me swear to secrecy and she snuck to the backyard to get some leaves to boil into tea. I couldn't tell you what leaves and herbs she picked that day, but I do vividly remember that after 2 teaspoons of that tea, she laid my nephew stomach down across her lap and gave him some gentle but firm pats on the back and he became tranquil and fell asleep. I was completely mesmerized that the tea helped him to feel better.

I presume my nephew suffered from colic back in those days. Colic and gas is a common irritation in new borns that often starts around one month old and lasts until they are about four months. Colic is characterized by persistent crying and signs of abdominal pain, which is thought to be caused by inflatulence or trapped gas. Babies will often pull their legs up and seem restless.

Native Americans and indigenous people have practiced the use of herbal remedies for cures for centuries. Such herbs as dill, fennel, anise, chamomile and catnip are either prepared as tea or infused into the baby's bathing water. Some nursing mothers prefer to drink the teas themselves which not only allows the tea to be ingested by the baby through the breastmilk, but also has calming effects on the mother.

A colicy baby can be an extremely trying experience for a parent. When Tar was a baby he had acid reflux which is a more severe case of colic. Although, I never gave him tea directly, because my husband wasn't in agreement for that, I drank herbal tea daily since Tar was being nursed. Herbal teas and baths are a remedy to consider if you have a colicy baby. As with any homeopathic or alternative medical practice, do your due diligence and always be certain you have a properly diagnosed illness before attempting these methods.

Work At Home Wednesday

2010-02-17T23:44:00.000-05:00

I've started a new blog called Quiskaeya's Reviews. Yes, someone tell me I have a hole in my head. LOL I can't hardly keep the flow of posts running smoothly over here and yet I've ventured out to give myself even more work to do. I thrive on being overwhelmed, if you hadn't noticed! haha

Anyway, Quiskaeya's Reviews is a work in progress. I started a few weeks ago and I've made numerous changes in the look and layout. Hence, if you happen to venture over there one day and then stop by the next it might not look like the same place. Did I tell you I have multiple personalities...?

My main purpose for Quiskaeya's Reviews is to post my reviews, sponsored posts, giveaways AND work at home jobs. Yes, work at home jobs will be posted there too. Definitely check that out. Every Wednesday I'll feature work at home jobs that I know to be legit because I've either done/am doing them myself, know someone who has done/is doing them or I've taken the time to thoroughly research the positions. Of course, I leave a margin for error on the assignments that I researched.

This weeks special is customer service jobs. Click here to see what's cooking! I won't post the same types of jobs every week. One week it might be blogging jobs & article submission, while another week it might be web design & computer related. I'll try my best to mix it up so hopefully it helps bring to light what work at home opportunities are available and most importantly helps you LAND a work at home job if you're interested. Enough chatting from me go over there and see what you can see!

Um, Yeah Pat Robertson. How Do You Like Them Apples??

2010-02-16T14:59:00.003-05:00

Do you remember this?

Well Mr. Pat Robertson what do you have to say now? Huh, what's that you said? Nothing? Yeah, that's what I thought!

Visit msnbc.com for breaking news, world news, and news about the economy

The real tragedy about Pat Robertson's comment is the fact that it's blind ignorance. The fact is the church in Haiti is alive and very active. Local charitable organizations have been instrumental in doing a lot of good for Haiti. While Voodou is real and exists, it isn't Voodou that is bringing Haitians locally and abroad down on their knees praying for my beloved country. This kind of misinformation spewed by Pat Robertson perpetuates stereotypes and prejudices that are so damaging to the efforts to help Haiti.

Happy Valentine's Day to Me

2010-02-15T13:19:00.006-05:00

Valentine's Day conjures up mixed emotions in my mind. While I like the idea of a distinct day for couples to pay homage to their love, I also find myself feeling as if too much attention is poured into this occasion. Personally, if the love is real and the bond is tight everyday should be Valentine's Day. No, it's not a cliche - it's the honest truth.

Furthermore, what about single individuals? Are they supposed to feel inferior because they don't have an I ain't tryin' ta loose mine person to celebrate? I remember when I was single and dateless and there was this unspoken vibe between myself and The Taken that sometimes made me feel less-than because I wasn't receiving gifts and affirmations of love Valentine's Day. While I understand that singles can send gifts to mom (that's what Mother's Day is for), dad (that's what Father's Day is for) or good friends, it's not the same as the Valentine's exchange between couples. Y'all know what I mean so stop faking the funk. LOL

I was talking to my B.F.F. (blogging friend forever) Nikki @Blasian Baby Notes about a lady I spoke to while working for one of my clients. She had placed an order for Valentine's flowers to herself. I thought it was odd and I asked her if she had really meant to place the order to herself or was this an error. She confidently answered that she had fully intended the flowers for herself. She explained that she isn't attached to anyone, but that being single doesn't mean she can't celebrate this auspicious occasion.

She then said something that really resonated with me. She said that real love comes from self-love. Until a person truly loves and accepts himself or herself for whom he or she is created to be, they can't have a genuine exchange of love with someone else. I absolutely love this philosophy and it's so true. She recounted that for years she would feel so worthless if at Valentine's Day she didn't have someone special to share it with. One day it dawned on her that she was living her life to give love to others, but yet she never took time to love herself. Unless someone was telling or showing her that she was worthy of appreciation, then she didn't know how to appreciate herself from the inside out.

Powerful message my friends. Real love does start with self love. We, and I mean women in particular since we are such emotional creatures, need to develop a genuine fondness for ourselves. What have you done for you, lately? I'm not taking about me-time, although you can use that time to love up on yourself too. What I'm referring to is finding a special moment to write, tell, express how wonderful it is to be you - you fearfully and wonderfully created you. Did you tell yourself "Happy Valentine's Day" this year? If you didn't, it's not too late to start loving and appreciating you. It's a work in progress for me - but I'm getting there. I think I'm aiight. LOL

image: google images

The Case for Adoptive Breastfeeding

2010-02-08T09:57:00.009-05:00

A few months back I was visiting a friend at her home. At the time, she and her husband had been anxiously waiting for the day they could bring home their adopted son. Over sips of tea and freshly made bread, we discussed her plans to bring home her adopted newborn boy. Excitedly, she shared about the cloth diapers that she had made and we laughed and talked about how her first handmade diaper had been a disaster.

After a while of chatting about diapers, I switched the subject to breastfeeding. I asked her how her relactation efforts where coming along. Her face lightened up as she said that she was able to pump and store 3 oz of milk the day before. I could tell that she couldn’t wait to have her adopted son in her arms, while she nursed him at her breast.

The idea of breastfeeding an adopted child is quite foreign to most adoptive parents. Some parents are aware of milk banks, facilities that process and store breast milk that can be acquire through a doctor’s prescription. I even remember as a child a family in my neighborhood bottle feeding breast milk to their adopted baby. I have vivid memories of coming over to their home and witnessing women from our community expressing milk that would be stored for feeding the baby later on.

Barbara Wilson-Clay states in her article, Induced Lactation, throughout history infants have been nursed by surrogate mothers. Wilson-Clay goes on to say that in the event that no already-nursing mother was available, anthropological reports from several different continents describe efforts by a non-lactating woman to induce lactation by putting the baby to her breast. These surrogate mothers, also known as “wet nurses” would nurse another mother’s child the same way a biological mother nurses her own child.

Adoptive breastfeeding takes feeding an adopted baby to a very personal and unique perspective in that it helps to develop a physical and emotional bond between mother and child. According to Adoption.com, more and more frequently mothers planning on infant adoption are considering this option as a way to promote attachment.

Adoptive breastfeeding can happen through thorough planning and preparation. One of the most important steps a mother can take to ready herself to nurse her adopted child is to educate herself about it. Although, there isn’t a lot of written information about adoptive nursing, through research you can find information coming directly from the experiences of mothers who have breastfeed their adopted children. This is invaluable information because it gives a firsthand account of what the process is like.

Many mothers discount adoptive breastfeeding because they feel if they aren’t currently breastfeeding it will be impossible to stimulate a supply of milk. Furthermore, mothers who have never breastfed are often concerned that they will not be able to produce milk. Whether you were an experienced nursing mother or you are contemplating breastfeeding for the first time, you can re-lactate or induce lactation. A woman’s body is uniquely created in a way that if she stimulates her breast she has a good chance of getting them to produce milk. Stimulation can be done through breast massages, nipple manipulation and sucking. Sucking can either be directly from the adopted baby or from pumping devises.

The amount of milk that each woman is able to produce varies from woman to woman. Predicting the volume of milk is very difficult. However, for a normal healthy woman she should be able to produce some degree of milk. Some women consider galactagogues which are substances used to increase milk supply. Some common forms of galactagogues are herbs and prescription medications. While there are no guarantees that a women will be to produce a large enough supply of milk to feed her baby through her breast alone, the more often that she nurses her child the higher her chances are of increasing her supply.

There are instances when no matter what steps a mother takes to increase her production of milk, she is not able to do so. In this situation a mother may want to try an alternative feeding method. One such method is the nursing supplementer. This devise is a container that holds expressed (or formula) milk that hangs from a cord around the mother’s neck. The container sits between the mother’s breasts and a thin tube that leads down from the contain, is taped to one of the mother’s breasts and extends slightly past the nipple into the baby’s mouth. Kellymom.com mentions that if your baby is latching on well, a nursing supplementer can be a big help in that it encourages the baby to nurse at a mother’s breast by giving him a constant flow of milk. The baby’s sucking action will further stimulate the mother’s breast and this could increase her supply.

In conclusion, if you are interested in adoptive breastfeeding you may want to contact La Leche League, a great resource for information regarding breastfeeding.

I am Not My Words

2010-02-06T19:50:00.009-05:00

The title is a bit of a paradox, I know. The fact is sometimes what I write and what I believe/feel/my convictions aren't always reflected in my words. Does this mean I'm lying? Not at all.

I am constantly confronted with the question of my political affiliations because of what I write on my blog. "Are you a Democrat or a Republican? Independent? What are you?" As you will notice I have never (and will never) say what my political affiliation is.

People have assumed I'm a Democrat because I'm black *sucking teeth*, my election post, my MLK to Obama post, and other posts I've made. And NOW I've received a very lovely *insert sarcasm* email that I am a racist because of my Dear Mr. Chris Matthews post. The email said among other things that I must seriously be blinded by ignorant black Democratic ideology et cetera, et cetera... Seriously, I laughed when I read this. What a pretentious donkey to say such a thing!

First of all, since when were all black people Democrats? Secondly, someone please tell me what did I say in my post that pointed to an alliance to a political party?

I deliberately avoid answering the question about party allegiance because I don't have any and political parties mean absolutely nothing to me. Issues, causes, my family, my values & beliefs, my country, my freedom, my liberties, my RIGHTS are what are important to me. I vote base on the candidate who I feel has a concern for the issues that affect me personally and that includes everything listed above.

If there is anything I can say drives me more than the list mentioned above, it's my moral absolutes, principles and faith.

I respect whomever is in the White House - Republican, Democrat, Independent, Conservative, Liberal or otherwise. I wish more people had respect for the leadership of this country. I wish more people would shut their mouths and DO freakin something when they don't like the state of the country. I don't have enough fingers and toes to count the amount of times I hear people complaining about the government and then when asked if they've voted, they'll mumble no! Are you freaking kidding me? WTFoolishness!

If you are an American citizen with full voting rights you must be ashamed of yourself if you don't vote. That's a travesty and a whole lot of tom-foolery in my book. Trust me when I say I utilize my FULL voting powers and that starts with local elections all the way up to the big papadaddy Presidencial election. Unfortunately, so many people fail to understand the importance of local elections. Local candidates running for city, county and state positions are ultimately going to be the choices we have for larger political seats down the road. In a way local elections are more important because this is where the real weeding out and placement of people who should represent our states and then our country begin.

So, Dear Anonymous Writer, you know not what you speak. I am not my words and yet I stand by everything that I've written.

Dear Mr Chris Matthews

2010-02-03T16:43:00.000-05:00

I am writing this letter to address your comment that you forgot that President Obama was black. While I understand that your comment was not to be taken in a negative vein, and that it was probably delivered with good intent, it was at its core an insult.

Firstly, Mr. Matthews, you and I both know when we look at President Obama we see a black man or more politically correct, a biracial man. However, for all intents and purposes I will refer to President Obama as a black man because he is half black and his remarkable rise to Presidency is seen by the world over as a black accomplishment and not a biracial accomplishment.

I do not say this to slight the biracial community at all. However, the biracial community is comprised of all individuals of dual racial composition and I am not needing to speak on this community as a whole. Rather, I would like to speak specifically about President Obama and how your comment diminished half of his identity by implying that he couldn't have possibly risen to the highest seat in the House unless he is considered a non-black man.

Secondly, Mr. Matthew your comment implies that in order for you to accept President Obama's achievement to the executive branch you must overlook his blackness. This is absolutely lamentable. For centuries black people in America have fought to be appreciated and recognized for who they are - beautiful. black. creatures of God. Does this sound racist to you? It is by no means a racist statement. As, a white man this is not a fight you can easily relate to or comprehend. You are at the top of the hypothetical racial and gender hierarchy construct. You, Mr. Matthew have white privilege.

Mr. Matthew I feel it's an oxymoron to share about the struggle of black people when black history is American history. Unfortunately, due to the extraordinary *insert sarcasm* efforts of our educational system, black history has been substantiated to a few short pages in the vast written documentary of our country's history book. Short of black history month, there is very little that celebrates and educates most Americans on the contributions and sacrifices that black people made to this country. Mr. Matthew, no need to bring up that blacks have dominated the sports and music sector and are widely acclaimed for these successes. Many black people have made far greater donations to this country than the aforementioned. Do you know who performed the first open heart surgery or developed a method to remove cataract lenses? The answers respectively are Dr. Daniel H. Williams and Patricia Bath; both black people. Because I'm generous, I will give you a miniscule pass for your ignorance because of the shortcoming of our school system that doesn't educate our children on these valuable pieces of information.

Since the dawn of slavery black people have been pressed down, shaken and held back by the ideology that they are less than, not good enough and incapable of reaching the status of white people. Even today, where a black man can aspire and win the highest seat in the land, it doesn't come without having to work harder, think smarter and push farther than his white counterpart. Victory can sometimes be bittersweet for the black person.

Consequently, Mr. Matthew when a black person in this country achieves greatness (and we are doing this EVERYDAY) the greatest way to put insult on injury is to tell them that they don't seem black as if a successful individual can't possibly equal being black. Trust me when I say they were reminded every step of the way on the road to success that they were black. Therefore, telling them once they've reached the promise land that they aren't black is equivalent to me trying to convince you that you aren't a white male. Is that possible? No need to answer.

I pray for the day when as brothers and sisters of all races and colors, we all embrace each other, celebrate one another, and praise each other because we appreciate that we are all different colors...and this even includes black. Until that day arrives, never, ever say again even if you are thinking it, that you forgot a black person is black because of the stature of the person.

Respectfully,

Quiskaeya

Watching Them Grow in Faith & Truth

2010-02-01T10:00:00.001-05:00

At the beginning of the school year Tiger told me his teacher explained to the class that any mention of God, Jesus or religion in class was prohibited. Ummm..why must they always pick on Jesus? How come they don't say Allah or another religious deity. Tiger didn't understand why. I explained to him that public schools and Christian schools are very different. We took him out of a Christian school once he entered 1st grade and he's been attending a charter school ever since.

Trying to explain the concept of separation of church and state was a challenge. I ended up telling him that public schools are under government laws and the government doesn't think that one religion should be held higher than another. Therefore, all religions are banned from school. Tiger asked me why the government puts In God We Trust on pennies if they don't like God. This child of mine is such a thinker! I shared with him how the founding fathers were Christians and felt that God was important, but over the centuries people have gotten away from that.

That was pretty much the extent of the conversation and it never came up again. Over the holidays I was going through some of Tiger's school work that he had brought home. One of the projects he had done for Thanksgiving was a card of things he was thankful for. This card was hung up on the class wall for the Thanksgiving party at school. Check out what my son wrote!

Talk about being so proud! I couldn't have been more pleased and humbled. I was humbled because I wondered if at his age, would I have dared to write that I was thankful for God knowing I was told not to talk about God in class. I was also happy the teacher didn't make him change what he wrote. Had she done that I would have had to fight for my son's right to write his genuine feelings.

*****************

Last Sunday January 24, at bedtime prayers, Tiger had just finished reciting The Lord's Prayer when Tar burst into the most heartfelt prayer of his own. This was the first time he's ever prayed without assistance and it went a little something like this:

"Tanka Gosh for mama. Tanka Gosh for Daddy. Tanka Gosh for bo-bo (bro-bro)..."

He went on for about a minute Tanking Gosh for just about anything and everything he could think of. He even thanked God for the 'bidgo games'* and a dirty golf ball we found by the lake behind our condo. LOL. It was the sweetest and most endearing prayer ever!

*bidgo games are what he calls all games. He's trying to say video games, but uses the word for all games, i.e. video games, board games, hide n go seek, etc.

She's Going There! Let's Talk About Sex!

2010-01-28T11:53:00.004-05:00

Last week I spoke to a friend of mine after a pediatrician visit with her daughter. Her daughter is the 8 years old like Tiger. While consulting with the pedi, the doctor asked her whether she had discussed sex with her daughter. My friend was completely thrown off guard. She immediately wanted to shield her daughter's ears from hearing the S-E-X word. She was quick to respond, "Of course, I haven't had 'the talk' with my daughter! She's only 8 yo!"

The pedi explained that at 8 years old her daughter is old enough to be spoken to about sex. The pedi went on to say that children are learning about sex as early as elementary age and the "teaching" is coming from their peers.

How do you feel about having the sex talk with your elementary age child(ren)? Are you apprehensive about it? What approach will you take? Will you wait until they come to you or will you go to them about it? Do you fear that raising this issue may lead to an interest in sex? Are you concerned that having the sex talk will somehow take away the innocence of your child(ren)?

I know these thoughts crossed my mind quite a few times. However, the thought that if I waited to talk to my older son about sex may increase the risk of him learning about it from his peer was the encouragement I needed to educate myself on ways to talk to him about this topic.

Last year when my son had two little "kissing" instances, I was blown away and incredibly saddened. It made me feel like a failure as a mom. I worried that maybe I wasn't instilling the right morals and values in my child. Did I fail to teach him what was right and wrong? Was my son a bad kid? I was flooded with a ton of doubts on my parenting skills.

The good thing is that it's never too late to start talking to our children about sex even if they've had a few innocent little "kissing" experiences. And please trust me when I say, that these experiences are truly innocent and that a child isn't going to grow up to be a playboy or a loose girl because of it. I over analyzed the situation in my mind. Since having a heart to heart with Tiger about it, it's as if the situation had never happened. His father also had a father/son talk and the take away is that Tiger is more comfortable coming to either of us for answers since he knows we've made ourselves available for any questions he has. I'm happy those two incidences were isolated occurrences. However, should he be put in the same situation again, I feel confident that he will know how to handle himself. He clearly understands the boundaries and standards we expect concerning him and consequently he is more equipped to resist peer pressure.

As a parent, I must to be the first line of defense against the world's screwed up displays of love and intimacy. Even without trying, our children are being bombarded with distorted images and perceptions of sex. What I've come to realize is that the first step in combating these distorted views is to keep the door of communication open on this topic. I must be available to discuss whatever questions my child has no matter how young he is. We have a "no question is off limits" approach.

At first, I dropped the ball on this with Tiger. Last year he asked me a few questions and I shrugged my shoulder and told him he was too young to be concerned with such things. Instead, I should have taken that opportunity to have a meaningful age-appropriate dialogue with him.

I'm learning to initiate the conversation with "teachable moments". Opportunities seen on t.v., in magazines, or in movies are great moments that I can teach my values and and expectations regarding sexual topics. Often time, as parents, when we see something in the media that goes against our standard we try to cover-up what has been seen. We'll hurry to change the channel or flip the page hoping our children didn't see it. Sadly, we don't follow up with a conversation about why Mom or Dad felt it was inappropriate and what they feel is appropriate.

Honesty really is the best policy. Parents are notorious for renaming sexual anatomy and reproduction parts of males and females with cutesy pet names. Haven't we all used wee wee, pee pee, vajajay (thanks Oprah), peeter, etc. The main problem with doing this is that it gives our children the perception that there is something bad or something to be ashamed of regarding their penis or vagina. When we are sharing important information about how we expect our children to conduct themselves regarding their bodies it's best to use proper terminology.

Why I never thought it wouldn't matter if we didn't talk to Tiger about sex is beyond me. I was raised that you don't talk about your private parts. Sex was a curse word and was never, ever spoken about. My mom never had 'the talk' with me. If it wasn't for my much older sister who was like a surrogate mother in some respects I would have totally been clueless about sex.

Growing up in that sort of home environment made it easy for me to avoid the topic with my own son. What did it matter anyway? My parents didn't talk to me about sex and I turned out fine. I was never promiscuous and I actually was pretty shy of boys until I went off to college. I didn't even have my first kiss until I was 20 and it was with a former fiance.

The fact is it does matter. Greatly. Firstly, kids do prefer to get their sex education from their parents. Although, at times, it seems our children aren't listening and that our impact as parents is minimal, the good news is we are having an impact. Secondly, we are living in different times and the pressure on our children to develop poor sexual behavior is great. I do not want my son to ever be put in a compromising situation and for him to not know how to handle himself because I failed to teach him what to do. Never. Ever. Ever.

Tiger has many questions about everything. He wants to know what mommy, daddy and step-dad think about life, the world and even about sex. So Tiger, let's talk about sex...

A good resource to have your kids read regarding sex is Where Do Babies Come From?: For Ages 6 to 8 and Parents. Please feel free to share any resources, tips and thoughts as well!

image: google images

My Wiener Has a First Name, It's OSCAR..

2010-01-27T11:29:00.001-05:00

Well guess what Oscar Myer I've got a jingle of my own and it goes a little something like this: "My wean-ner has a first name, it's T to the A to the R!" haha.. *sign*

Comedy was never my thing, but I am very proud to say that Tar is fully weaned. Two months into it and he is no longer breastfeeding. I have to admit to sadness. I loved our bonding experience. The good thing is that we can bond in a whole new way that is just as meaningful.

I am very proud of him and really think that despite the hectic-ness of the holidays, birthdays, etc that happened over the 2 months of weaning, his crying was at a minimum. Weaning experts probably wouldn't have approved of the method I used to wean Tar, but that's okay with me. I had to go with a technique that worked best for Tar and not according to a doctor who has probably never had a child.

I find it peculiar that some of the so-called weaning experts aren't even woman. There's something unsettling about a man telling me about what emotions I'm going to experience when I know he's never experienced them himself. I asked the Hubster if he could relate to the withdrawal emotions I felt when Tar no longer breastfed. He said, he couldn't relate.

Tar's sleeping has improved too. This makes me feel a lot better about weaning him, since his lack of sleep was the deciding factor in me weaning him. Outside of sleep deprivation for him and I, I really had no reason or desire to stop breastfeeding him. All in all, I feel I made the right decision and I am hopeful this will help in keeping him healthier.

Way to grow Tar! I am so proud of you!

Compassion

2010-01-25T14:56:00.000-05:00

Hello blogosphere. I am here and actually feeling more encouraged and uplifted than the last time I posted. The outpouring of support, aid, and prayers from around the world toward Haiti has touched my heart beyond words.

The majority of my family are here in the US, although, my mom, one of my sisters, and some brothers travel back and forth. My mom is the main person who travels most often to Haiti. She will come here for a few months and then go back to Haiti for a few months. Fortunately, she was here when the Earthquake struck, but she has been totally devastated by the events. Haiti for her is her life. Although, she has a place here, no place is home to her but Haiti. One of my nephews was in Haiti when the earthquake struck, but he was in a town nearly 4 hours away. He said he felt it and it was quite a shock, but none of the residences of the town sustained any major damage to their homes. There is no electricity, water and travel is extremely difficult in much of Haiti. Phone access is inconsistent. I was talking to a friend in Haiti last week and it took 4 phone calls to complete a 20 minute conversation. The country has pretty much shut down, so it's impossible to get basic necessities like food, etc.

As you can imagine, this situation has left people in a state of shock. The worst victims of the nature disaster are the children. My friend was telling me that her two boys, 8 yo & 3 yo are traumatized by what happened. They wake up at night from nightmares and her 3 yo has become very clingy and don't let her leave his sight. My friend's family has lost everything. For days they were sleeping in their destroyed vehicle because they had no home and aid hadn't reached their area of town yet. Finally, they fled the city with the little money they had because the stench of death and the contaminated water was making them all sick.

The children have had to witness things no child or even adults should witness. The decaying bodies, vandalism and constant fear of robbery has everyone in a panic. Some of the worse hit areas, in the slum of the city started having problems with women being raped at night. Many of the locals are fed up with this, so some neighborhoods are banning together to provide their own security since the police is powerless to do anything. Of course, when you leave security completely up to the people that isn't always a good thing. People will protect the causes that are dear to them, while trampling on the causes that aren't. Justice isn't always true justice.

Please continue to pray. Haiti has a long ways to go before she is healed. Long. But my people are fighters and they desperately want to move on from this. I am so excited to see orphans being brought up to the US. I am making myself available in any capacity (translations, provisions, etc) to help because I am not able to go to Haiti.

Help For Haiti

2010-01-13T09:52:00.005-05:00

I am in such a broken state right now over the massive earthquake that hit Haiti. Words can't express how torn inside I am. Haiti, being the poorest and most underdeveloped country in the Western Hemisphere, has been ravished by selfish leadership, poverty and diseases like no other Caribbean nation. Despite having a rich, proud history because it was the first African diasporic nation to win independence from her captors, she has suffered greatly since her liberation.

I still have some family and a few friends that live in Haiti. My mother and a couple of brothers continue to travel back and forth regularly. My family has land and property that we maintain there. Although, I haven't traveled back to Haiti in about 9 years I am still very much in tune with my country and culture.

The latest events in Haiti are just another devastating blow to an already extremely deplorable situation. If you are interested in what you can do to help Haiti below are some very legitimate organizations that will get aid to the right places in Haiti:

Mercy Corps
Save the Children
International Red Cross
World Vision
UNICEF
International Medical Corps

If you have family or friends in Haiti and want to get updated information on their safety please call 1-888-407-4747 a hotline set-up by The State Dept for Americans.

Haitian musician Wyclef Jean is asking people on Twitter to donate to his organization Yele Haiti:@wyclef: Haiti is in need of immediate AID please text Yele to 510 510 and donate $5 toward earthquake relief.

picture: google images

Let 2010 Be YOUR Audacious Year!

2010-01-11T11:24:00.008-05:00

September 25, 2009 started like any other workday. It was a Friday, the final stretch into a highly anticipated weekend. I had been suffering from a nagging head cold that was proving to be quite relentless and my aching body longed for rest. The day before had been my birthday; my 37^th birthday and I awoke that morning to a kind of epiphany. I sensed a great need for change; the kind of change that shakes your world at its core and turns your reality upside down. Traditionally, turning 37 isn’t a milestone birthday. Unlike, turning 18, 21 or 40, where it’s understandable that you’d want to celebrate in a special way, turning 37 doesn’t garner that kind of attention. However, somewhere in my being I felt this need to go out and live it up. Perhaps it was due to some of the struggles I had faced over the past year and having been awakened to the fact that I am a stronger and more self-assured woman than I had thought.

As I slowly prepared myself for work I couldn’t shake the feeling of being suspended in space. I wanted to move forward, backward, up, down. Anywhere. Somewhere. I just needed to move and it felt as if my job was holding me in a state of suspension. I finished readying myself for work and once there I basically went through the motions like a robot. Around 4:30pm I looked at the time display on my monitor and perked up at the realization I only had 30 more minutes until I was liberated. I had just put myself into gear to do something constructive for the last half hour of work when the phone on my desk rang. It was my manager. I sauntered into her office hoping that she wouldn’t require my time past 5 o’clock.

By 4:37pm I was back at my office, with the manager standing next to me, watching as I collected all my belongings for a final and permanent departure. Once in my car, I sat there dazed and bewildered at the events that had just transpired. It hit me like a brick that I had just become a statistic. Was I the 1,017,835th person to become unemployed in Florida? Which number was I? According to the Bureau of Labor Statistics approximately 1,017,835 persons were unemployed in the state of Florida in September of last year. I pondered these numbers for a moment when I remembered the epiphany I had the morning of my birthday. Why had I felt so strongly that I needed change? Why had I been feeling stagnant where I was in life? I kept asking myself how was being laid off the answer?

As women, particularly mothers, our nature is to go into panic and even frantic mode. We tend to throw ourselves into a frenzy trying to find another job because we are wired to want balance and order in our lives. We want our families to be cared for, provided for and all needs met. Black women in particular, are accustomed to having to bring home the bacon, fry it up and serve it on a plate all with a smile and with little help, since many mothers in our community are the heads of household. If there is a break in this process, our immediate reaction is to want to put on our gloves and beat the heck out of our situation.

However, what happens after the axe falls can be the most riveting decision of your life. What if you don’t throw yourself into finding another job? What if you take a tranquility moment and listen to your spirit or meditate on where you want your life to go? You may have been working that job for the past few years because it paid well, it was with a good company and it was a reasonable means to an end. Perhaps not the end you wanted, but the end you could depend on. What if you make a decision that leads to the end you really want? What you if decide to drop kick fear in the rear instead of fighting the fact you are jobless? Then what....

We always say we don’t have time to go after our real dreams. Our J.O.B. is in the way. Time and again we’ll complain that if we didn’t have to work we’d start our own business; perhaps, go back to school; maybe, take up a hobby or be involved in charitable work.

After a long moment of deep thought I looked at myself in the rearview mirror and realized the hour of decision had arrived. These events had been revealed to me; I had foreseen them even before they had happened. Although, I didn’t know how the situation would play out, my inner most being had called for change. I was living it now and my decision would ultimately determine what my life would be after the pink slip. Would I choose the road less traveled or succumb to fear and go with the monotony of the past? I, audaciously, went with the unknown and I haven’t looked back.

It's official! I am a work at home mom and I. Love. It. The opportunities that keep coming my way have solidified that I am doing the right thing and that I am moving in the right direction. I challenge each of you to make 2010 the year you audaciously move toward your dream and conquer your fears. Happy Belated New Year!

picture: google images

Carol's Daughter "A Magical Beauty Collection" Review

2010-01-04T20:31:00.008-05:00

I am always on a quest to find products to use on my family that are natural and healthier for them.

When the wonderful ladies of Blogroller Media provided the opportunity to review beauty products from Carol's Daughter, there was no question that I was in!. Why was I so excited to try these beauty products? There were two distinct reasons for my enthusiasm. Firstly, Carol's Daughter is ALL about natural, pure ingredients for a healthier, vibrant you. Secondly, these products commemorate the debut of Disney's Princess and the Frog movie.

I received 3 body & bath products that were beautiful decorated with images from Disney's Princess and the Frog movie. The package contained bubble bath, shampoo and conditioner. A little FYI, if you are interested in these products, go buy them now because they are a limited addition product!

Although, these products are geared toward little princesses, I tried them on my youngest prince. The Magical Beauty Collection gift set is worth the $24 price tag. You do not have to purchase the set as a whole and can purchase each product separately if you chose. The prices run from about $8-$10 a product.

I'm not big on strong, overpowering scents and fragrances. We use scentless products around here. A bold fragrance doesn't not equal better clean and can actually have an adverse affect on sensitive skin. Therefore, I was pleasantly surprised that Carol's Daughter products have a light and airy scent appeal. Carol's Daughter prides itself in bringing to the consumer products that are paraben free, wrapped in environmentally friendly packaging and printing and that aren't tested on animals.

Beyond the beauty of the products, is the wonderful significance the collaboration of Carol's Daughter and Disney's Princess and the Frog yields. Carol's Daughter is a highly recognized brand by a mega-sistah. It's a beautiful things to see young, successful woman of color grabbing opportunity by the bull horn and refusing to let go until she's obtained every ounces of success out of it that she desires. Disney has clearly recognized this in Carol's Daughter and felt it would be an amazing opportunity to join the two great forces so little girls of color can have something they feel is kinda just for me. Go over to Carol's Daughter and get some just for me products. Disney understands about just for me. That is why they created the Princess and the Frog, where the princess was surrounded by jazz beats, gospel sounds and cajun spice. You better go get yours and see this movie!

Disclaimer: I received the 3 aforementioned products free of charge in exchange for my honest review. I was permitted to keep the products following the review. This was not a paid post

Looking for gifts, apparels and novelties with a green theme? Check us out at
Sha~Dou!

Uprinting Postcard Giveaway (Closed)

2009-12-21T13:52:00.007-05:00

Just in time for the holidays you can win a set of postcards to send to family and friends to help share your joyful seasons with them. I love postcards and I can think of a bunch of different ways to use the ones Uprinting makes.

Postcards are so versatile in that you can use them for thank-you notes, thinking of you messages, happy holiday wishes and even for business purposes.

Here a just a few of the many features of Uprinting's high quality postcards:

13 pt Uncoated Smooth Cover stock is certified eco-friendly by SFI. This stock keeps it natural paper texture even after printing.
Save time and money and have Uprinting address and mail your postcards directly.
Print custom sizes 4 x4 to 6 x11.
matte or gloss

As I mentioned before Uprinting is giving one (1) lucky reader the chance to win a set of 100 postcards. The cards will be 4x6 on 14pt cardstock gloss with full color on both sides. If you are selected as the winner you will be responsible for shipping.

The WINNER is:

Erica G said...
I would use them for birth announcements.

egreca (at) hotmail {dot} com

In order to qualify for the giveaway you must tell me in the comment section what you would use the postcards for.

For additional entries:

Tweet this giveaway mentioning @uprinting and the tag #giveaways - i.e. Win 100 Postcard from @Uprinting http://bit.ly/5890&65dls #giveaway
Blog about this giveaway
Grab one of my buttons

For each additional entry that you do, please use a separate comment and provide URL links if possible.

This contest ends January 3, 2010 at 9pm EST and the winner will be announced the next day.

Disclosure: This is not a paid post. However, in appreciation for posting this giveaway, Uprinting.com provided me with a complimentary set of 100 postcards.

It's My Birthday & I'm Turning TWO!

2009-12-10T00:56:00.013-05:00

I can't believe today is my baby's birthday! Sniff. Sniff. But he isn't a baby anymore - at least not according to him. He says, "Aya toddlah, Mama!" Can you believe it? He doesn't want me to call him a baby anymore. Pardon me, while I cry for a little bit. Ha - what he doesn't realize (and my secret consolation) is that he will always be my baby. Even when I am 100 and he is 65 he shall be my precious baby boy.

It's amazing the changes that he's been through this year. One change that we are very grateful for is that he hasn't had nearly as many ear infections as he did the year before. Whew! We are definitely glad to be moving past those agonizing months. Even though he's a lot healthier, he's still on the small end for his weight. Of course, strangers must point this out to me and compare his size to another child they know. Gotta love strangers. I just love the look on their face when he opens his mouth to speak. "Oh my. He talks? How old did you say he is again? He talks more than most kids his age." Yeah, dear stranger never judge a kid by his size.

(I love his accent! He's picked up his Mama's island drawl...hehe)

In November he officially moved to the 2 year old room at daycare. He has actually been going to the 2 year old room part-time since the summer, but for state requirements he couldn't fully transition over there until a month before his birthday. He absolutely loves being in the 2 year old room. They have a really neat program and he has learned quite a bit. What I love is that they encourage children to learn at their own pace. Tar has taken to learning like a fish to water and they never hold him back so he doesn't get bored.

See the little girl in the stripped green/blue shirt. These two are inseparable, seriously. She is 4 mos older than Tar so she was moved to the 2 yo room a few months before him. She cried daily after the move, so they ended up putting her back in the 1 yo room (with her parents' approval) and moved the two of them together.

Grandpa (the Hubster's Dad) came all the way from Oregon earlier this week to celebrate Tar's birthday. The two of them are adorable together. Tar follows him around like a cute little puppy dog. The other day Grandpa was using the bathroom and Tar sat outside the closed door waiting for Grandpa to come out. "Grandpa come play. I here Grandpa, wanna go play?" Poor Grandpa can't get away from my lil guy. It's a good thing Grandpa loves every minute of it.

Where's the Media Now?

2009-12-08T10:53:00.006-05:00

If you haven't heard all the buzz or more accurately the roaring sounds by the media over Tiger's cheating escapade, I'd like to know what rock you're living under. Seriously, do share your hiding place because quite honestly I wouldn't mind finding refuge from the sensationalized news reports surrounding Tiger's fall from grace. It isn't my words that likens Tiger's afflictions as a fall from grace. I actually read that in a news editorial.

Why all the attention to the misfortune of Tiger's marriage? Okay. I know. You are probably going to tell me it's because he's famous; he's a celebrity; he's the golden child of golfing. Every move he makes will undoubtedly be fawned on like 16 year old to a first crush. Understood. I get it, I really do. It's the enormous price of fame. If you want to be in the limelight you've got be to prepared that every thing you do will be scrutinized.

Nonetheless, I have major ish with the way the media has portrayed Tiger. I'm annoyed by the obsessive amount of attention thrown at the current state of his life. I'm not defending Tiger's extramarital affairs in any way. I think they are reprehensible. There's no reasonable excuse that can justify a man or woman going outside of a marriage for any purpose. However, my sympathy to Tiger and his wife as they try to muddle their way through this painful period while still having to face daily their dirty laundry being aired to the public. Tiger is human and he will make poor choices just like us regular everyday folk. He is not an immortal god like he's been epitomized to be for the longest time. Get over him and let's discuss some real matters for a change.

Has society allowed the media to control and suck our interest in tabloid reports or is the other way around? Has our culture become so absorb with sensationalism that we fuel the efforts of reporters to supply our gossip hungry souls? Either way the vicious cycle turns, there are issues that need to be reported and little to no spotlight is being shown on these areas.

Over the past 4 months three of my neighbors were thrown out of their condos due to foreclosure. Where was the media when this happened? The most recent person to become a victim, wasn't thrown out because of her own negligence. Her landlord wasn't making his mortgage payments even though his tenant paid him every month as she was required to do. What kind of tom foolery is this? Why wasn't the media obsessed with this wrongdoing?

The list goes on and on about real issues that need national attention. Case in point, the topic of our men and women serving in the military. That discussion should never stop being in the news. Never. Suicide rates among military personnel and veterans have reached an epidemic high. Where's the media reporting about this? Someone? Anyone? Help me out here....

Picture: courtesy Flickr from Yahoo!

Sharing Heritage Helps Build Identity

2009-12-04T10:12:00.006-05:00

Tiger's father (my ex-husband) is Israeli and as I have mentioned before, I am from Haiti. Since both of my kids comes from diverse racial and cultural backgrounds, I've tried over the years to incorporate aspects from both nationalities so that my children have a greater appreciation of their family lineage. Furthermore, because of globalization, I feel that it's good for children to be raised with a broader world view. It truly is an immense privilege to live in a country, like America, that is a flavorful melting pot of traditions and heritage. Furthermore, living in South Florida, a sort of ethnic mecca, has enabled me to raise my children with a global perspective.

Although, the Hubster is an all American meat and potatoes kind of guy, he supports my efforts to integrate diversity into our family. He has traveled abroad extensively, throughout his military career. Consequently, he may possess an even greater understanding of the necessity to raise Tiger and Tar to appreciate diversity.

The wonderful thing about my mini-me, Tiger, is that he has an enthusiasm and excitement about learning about other ways of life. He loves studying about different countries and is constantly sharing tidbits of what he's learned. He lights up when Disney's Pass the Plate comes on because it features foods from other countries and he's always eager to try to make them.

Tiger's father speaks both Arabic and Hebrew. Recently, he signed up Tiger to take Hebrew lessons. At first I thought the idea was a little inconvenient because Hebrew isn't as widely spoken as Arabic. Interestingly enough, last year the Hubster had mentioned that I should encourage Tiger's father to teach Tiger Arabic because there is such a great need for bilingual Arabic/English speakers in this country.

As a result, when Tiger's father told me he had signed him up for a language class I immediately assumed it would be Arabic. But no, his decision was for Hebrew. A couple of months ago, Tiger came home from school and thrust an Alef Bet chart into my hand and started reciting the characters. To say the least, I was impressed. He's taken a real interest in learning the language and I'm thrilled to see it.This experience of learning the language has also spawned his curiosity in the Israel and his family over there. Tiger's father shared with me that his brother recently traveled back to Israel and that Tiger was anxious write letters so he could show off his new found Hebrew talents. I. love. it. This is exactly why I feel so strongly to encourage my children to learn about their diverse background. It helps them feel closer and bonded with their heritage. Furthermore, I feel it helps them develop a stronger identity.