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Tuesday, November 2, 2010
Facebook & Kids
I was reading an article on Reuter.com that asked should parents friend their kids on facebook. Ummm yeah! It amazes me that anyone would even question this. Some of the parents in the article actually had uncertain feelings about invading their children's privacy. I'm probably old-fashioned in my thinking, but I think that children should be given limited (very limited) privacy rights when they are young that increase as they show themselves to be responsible and mature.
Last year my 9yo asked me to open a facebook account for him. He was 8 at the time and I couldn't fathom why an 8 yo should be on facebook. Later, I found out some of his classmates had facebook accounts and this is why he was asking for one. This year his dad opened an account for him, much to my chagrin. While I still think that he's too young to have an account, it's worked out well. Why? Firstly, I am on his friend list and secondly, because I am ALL OVER his activities on facebook. Yes, I repeat All.Over.His.Activities.
His account is linked to my cell phone so I'm notified of everything that happens on his account and I can hop onto it anytime I want to check on things. We do not allow him to accept or invite friends. Currently, only family friends or family members are allowed as friends and not all of them can see everything on his account (e.g. some can't see pictures). We already had an internet usage rule that we set up for him and facebook goes right into that plan. He can't use the computer without permission and the computer he uses has parental securities so he's only allowed to visit certain sites. So far everything has been good and he only uses facebook to play games with his FB friends.
I realize that the boundaries we have in place for my 9yo are very rigid and strict. However, even if my son was 13, 14 or an older teen, I would still put some restrictions on him. I am sure that when he's 16 he'll be more responsible than when he's 13, so I believe restrictions should fit the child's maturity level. Nonetheless, whether he is 17yo or 9 yo I would still expect to be a friend on his list. The bottom line is that children need guidance and age appropriate boundaries no matter how old they are. When it comes to internet predators, they've managed to find a way to prey on children of all ages. While my child might want to be on facebook for innocent reasons, it's unfortunate that predators can take lighthearted activities and turn them into an opportunity to violate our children.
Last year my 9yo asked me to open a facebook account for him. He was 8 at the time and I couldn't fathom why an 8 yo should be on facebook. Later, I found out some of his classmates had facebook accounts and this is why he was asking for one. This year his dad opened an account for him, much to my chagrin. While I still think that he's too young to have an account, it's worked out well. Why? Firstly, I am on his friend list and secondly, because I am ALL OVER his activities on facebook. Yes, I repeat All.Over.His.Activities.
His account is linked to my cell phone so I'm notified of everything that happens on his account and I can hop onto it anytime I want to check on things. We do not allow him to accept or invite friends. Currently, only family friends or family members are allowed as friends and not all of them can see everything on his account (e.g. some can't see pictures). We already had an internet usage rule that we set up for him and facebook goes right into that plan. He can't use the computer without permission and the computer he uses has parental securities so he's only allowed to visit certain sites. So far everything has been good and he only uses facebook to play games with his FB friends.
I realize that the boundaries we have in place for my 9yo are very rigid and strict. However, even if my son was 13, 14 or an older teen, I would still put some restrictions on him. I am sure that when he's 16 he'll be more responsible than when he's 13, so I believe restrictions should fit the child's maturity level. Nonetheless, whether he is 17yo or 9 yo I would still expect to be a friend on his list. The bottom line is that children need guidance and age appropriate boundaries no matter how old they are. When it comes to internet predators, they've managed to find a way to prey on children of all ages. While my child might want to be on facebook for innocent reasons, it's unfortunate that predators can take lighthearted activities and turn them into an opportunity to violate our children.
What are your thoughts on facebook and children or even children and the internet?
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9 comments:
I agree with you, wholeheartedly! I do not fault you at all for keeping an overly constant eye on your child's online (and even offline) activities! Kudos to you! Kids need boundaries and guidance! I am often surprised to see so many parents (some of my own relatives even) allowing their kids to roam all over the internet and/or on social networking sites at the "oh so mature age of 10 years old," cursing up a storm, joking about sexual exploits, and other things without being monitored. You are a great mom!
Good for you! So glad to hear that there are still parents out there who set up boundaries for their children. Kidding--I know there are others like you but it really is refreshing to see how involved you are. Yeah, the whole facebook thing seems like a no-brainer. In my household growing up there was no such thing as a child being independent and needing their privacy and I turned out ok (well, I think). LOL. It seems like parenting now is a lot more challenging than it was when I was growing up. What do you think?
Hi! Jen popping in from Twitter!
I am in full agreement with you! I am the mother of four children ages 14, 13, 10, and 2! My fourteen year old has had a FB page for a year, and now her brother is requesting one. My ten year old won't get one until she's 13.I am my daughters friend on FB and I subscribe to her page as well. She's very social and has many friends but, I go through her friend list often and the only adults on her page are family and close friends of mine or her father.
I did a review on Facebook guide for parents and it's an awesome book for parents who don't know how to use FB or monitor their childrens FB activity. It explains how to use privacy settings etc. I also posted a step by step tutorial on how you can subscribe to your childs FB page. My ultimate fear is an internet predator or even bullying and I won't stand for it, NOT ON MY WATCH! There are too many online dangers for children and if they are going to be online, they definitely need to be monitored.
Here are the links to my articles in case your interested:
http://www.jaelcustomdesigns.com/2010/10/subscribe-to-your-childs-facebook-page.html
http://www.jaelcustomdesigns.com/2010/04/facebook-guide-for-parents-review.html
I told my son that he could have a Facebook account when he enters high school next year. I told him I can not see a reason for it now. When he does log on for the first time I will probably be his first friend. No I am not going stalk him and make comments on everything he says. In fact I may never comment on his page. I'll just open his door and say WTH is going on with your comments on Facebook. I just want him to know she's watching me and I better act accordingly. Great post!!!!
Peace, Love and Chocolate
Tiffany
@Mrs.K That's a great question. Personally, I think it's all relative. I'm sure when my parents look at the challenges I have as a parent, they may think I have it worse. But honestly, when you are in the throws of parenting you don't see what's behind you or in front of you. You simply put one foot in front of the other and try not to compare what needs to be done with what past parents have to do with. I'm probably not making any sense. lol All you can do is try your best, but don't think that I haven't wondered if parenting today was much harder :)
You know, I just realized: The whole discussion has been focused on parents monitoring their kids. But what about kids seeing their parents' profiles. Seems to me that parents aren't considering what might be on their own profiles.
@ Jenny: I agree. I have seen some parents posting stuff on their FB pages and had to wonder if their kids were on their friends list. It go both ways.
I agree. Childrens activities should be monitored. There was no such thing as privacy for a child in my house growing up and when I have kids it will be the same way. My twin sister-in-laws who just turned 13 got to join facebook as one of their birthday presents and my mother-in-law is on them like a hawk. Her rules for them are pretty similar to your rules for your son. You can never be too careful with your children in today's world!
Oh yes girl. My son is 18 and I have been on it since he started and I'm still there and he is my friend too.
In this day and age, I am leaving nothing to chance. No one can protect him like me. Seems like every couple of weeks you hear some other episode of internet madness. The anonymity it offers to wackos scares the heck out of me.
He knows it's for his own good.