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Thursday, March 18, 2010
The Case for Transracial Adoption
I have a big heart for boys. I have two wonderful boys of my own, so why wouldn't I love boys. However, my heart for boys started long before I was gifted my two sweet lil men. When I was 16 years old I fell in love with the most precious little angel baby boy at the orphanage my parents directed. From the day I met him until the morning he was sent away, he was attached to my hip when I wasn't at school or with friends. I dreamed of adopting him. My parents told me I was too young. I had a life to live; high school to finish; college to attend and a future to consider. Even still, I thought they'd see the light and realize my deep love for this baby and let me adopt him or perhaps my parents would adopt him.
One very painful morning my eldest sister told me he was gone. He had been sent to the capital city of Port-Au-Prince where he joined a missionary family that would take him to the US for adoption. I cried. I was so angry and devastated. In my silly 16 year old mind had really thought somehow my parents wouldn't send him away because I adored that baby so much.
When I read The New York Times article about black baby boys the least likely to be adopted my heart sank. Emotions inside me, made me long to swoop up all the little black angel baby boys into my arms. I think my arms are big enough - at least in my mind they are. According to the NYT's article the bias against little black boys is across the board. We're talking about straight, gay, white, black, etc all have a preference for little girls, with a strong preference for Caucasion or Hispanic girls.
While doing some research I stumbled upon a study called the Transracial Parenting Initiative: Literature Review and was appalled to read that the National Association of Black Social Workers (NABSW) back in 1972 took a very public stand against Transracial adoption. Although, their current position as softened, they still overwhelmingly prefer black adoptions for black children. Their current position is that all efforts should be made for black children to be adopted by black families and only if no suitable family can be found, then and only then, should a white family be considered. Essentially, the NABSW is advancing the damage and disparity against black boys. Someone grab me some boxing gloves because I need a couple of rounds with this organization.
I have valid reasons to feel dejected by NABSW or anyone, for that matter, that has an agenda against Transracial adoption. For me it's a personal assault. As I've noted before, that I was adopted. However, it eludes me if I ever mentioned that I was adopted by a Caucasian American family that lived in Haiti. In the early 50s my parents, as a very young couple, moved to Haiti with a medical missionary project and never left. In all actuality they are just as Haitian or more Haitian (*snicker*) than I am and speak French and Haitian Kreyol flawlessly with no hint of an accent. They moved to Haiti with their 4 young children (age 3yrs - 7yrs) in tow.
I know the arguments against Transracial adoption probably better than anyone. 1) The children will have identity crises. 2) They'll suffer self-esteem issues. 3) They'll feel like an outsider in the family. 4) They'll be culturally detached from their roots and the list goes on and on. Stop. Please stop. It's all ludicrous and nonsensical....errr...mostly. If you noticed, I didn't say it's completely ludicrous and nonsensical. Let me be the witness and a testament that Transracial adoptions do produce normal people - ME. Stop the snickering because I know y'all think I'm crazy...which I am...but anyway, let's not get sidetracked.
However, there are a few cases where Transracial adoptions have lead to some of the allegations above. Let's face the facts, parents of Transracial adoptees need to be educated on the cultural-racial identity needs of the child. Efforts need to be made to address those needs and affirm the desire of the adoptee to be connected with his/her racial background. This effort needs to be inclusive of the entire family and exclusive to the adoptee when necessary and beneficial. Knowing when and how to do this demands the parents to be acute to the adoptee's needs and to the overall impact to the entire family. Transracial adoption brings an unique perspective to parenting, but the results can lead to a multicultural family environment and a greater awareness of diversity. There is absolute nothing wrong with that!
One very painful morning my eldest sister told me he was gone. He had been sent to the capital city of Port-Au-Prince where he joined a missionary family that would take him to the US for adoption. I cried. I was so angry and devastated. In my silly 16 year old mind had really thought somehow my parents wouldn't send him away because I adored that baby so much.
When I read The New York Times article about black baby boys the least likely to be adopted my heart sank. Emotions inside me, made me long to swoop up all the little black angel baby boys into my arms. I think my arms are big enough - at least in my mind they are. According to the NYT's article the bias against little black boys is across the board. We're talking about straight, gay, white, black, etc all have a preference for little girls, with a strong preference for Caucasion or Hispanic girls.
While doing some research I stumbled upon a study called the Transracial Parenting Initiative: Literature Review and was appalled to read that the National Association of Black Social Workers (NABSW) back in 1972 took a very public stand against Transracial adoption. Although, their current position as softened, they still overwhelmingly prefer black adoptions for black children. Their current position is that all efforts should be made for black children to be adopted by black families and only if no suitable family can be found, then and only then, should a white family be considered. Essentially, the NABSW is advancing the damage and disparity against black boys. Someone grab me some boxing gloves because I need a couple of rounds with this organization.
I have valid reasons to feel dejected by NABSW or anyone, for that matter, that has an agenda against Transracial adoption. For me it's a personal assault. As I've noted before, that I was adopted. However, it eludes me if I ever mentioned that I was adopted by a Caucasian American family that lived in Haiti. In the early 50s my parents, as a very young couple, moved to Haiti with a medical missionary project and never left. In all actuality they are just as Haitian or more Haitian (*snicker*) than I am and speak French and Haitian Kreyol flawlessly with no hint of an accent. They moved to Haiti with their 4 young children (age 3yrs - 7yrs) in tow.
I know the arguments against Transracial adoption probably better than anyone. 1) The children will have identity crises. 2) They'll suffer self-esteem issues. 3) They'll feel like an outsider in the family. 4) They'll be culturally detached from their roots and the list goes on and on. Stop. Please stop. It's all ludicrous and nonsensical....errr...mostly. If you noticed, I didn't say it's completely ludicrous and nonsensical. Let me be the witness and a testament that Transracial adoptions do produce normal people - ME. Stop the snickering because I know y'all think I'm crazy...which I am...but anyway, let's not get sidetracked.
However, there are a few cases where Transracial adoptions have lead to some of the allegations above. Let's face the facts, parents of Transracial adoptees need to be educated on the cultural-racial identity needs of the child. Efforts need to be made to address those needs and affirm the desire of the adoptee to be connected with his/her racial background. This effort needs to be inclusive of the entire family and exclusive to the adoptee when necessary and beneficial. Knowing when and how to do this demands the parents to be acute to the adoptee's needs and to the overall impact to the entire family. Transracial adoption brings an unique perspective to parenting, but the results can lead to a multicultural family environment and a greater awareness of diversity. There is absolute nothing wrong with that!
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9 comments:
Thank you on about 10,000 levels for this post. As a white mother of a transracial family of BOYS through adoption and birth I can tell you that NOTHING has transformed my life more then the blessing, the gift, the awesome challenge and responsibility of raising my two sons. I would do it again, over and over. Every day I push and get pushed further away from my previous comfort zone as I embrace being a transracial mother. Everyday I look around and love the new understanding that family inhabits in my heart, consciousness.
*shocked* Ah ha! Now it all makes sense to me *ahem* you never mentioned you were adopted to ME but I'll get you for that later!
You make some great points and like we briefly talked about..normal ppl can be produced from adoptive families.
I'm loving the direction your blog is heading and topics being covered :)
I didn't know you were adopted. That's awesome! We would love to adopt one day. I think it's very sad that biracial children, and black boys sit in these homes waiting for someone to take them home and love them.
This is a really great post. Thanks for sharing it with us!
Hello! I know this is off topic, but I just found your blog with google and the term transracial adoption. I am an adoptive mama and have just launched a line of fabric for adoptive families like ours. You can see it here: http://www.etsy.com/shop/manoallamano
I love reading this! I also felt broken-hearted when I read the article you were talking about. Those kind of statistics were some of the reasons we adopted black sons (one from Haiti, and both of them absolutely amazing kids). It's reassuring to hear your positive experience with transracial adoption.
I wish I could say more than I am about to but I have to get back to work and doing this post from my phone gets tedious but YES, I agree with you 100 percent on all counts.
Long story short years -ago my ex hub and I weren't doing well when I found out we were pregnant with my second son. I was too young (i thought@24) for another baby. I called adoption agencies in the city I was living in to see what the process was. When she found out I was black and that the baby was a boy she told me, quote: 'We have no need for black baby boys'. I WAS STUNNED. AND ANGRY! Right there and then I decided I was going to keep him, love him and make sure he knew he was worth more even if some white lady on the phone thought otherwise!! I have NEVER regretted my decision and I am further blessed because of him.
I also had a good friend growing up who was black and she and another girl (black/hisapnic) were adopted by a white couple with two children of their own. They were always very centered and well adjusted and above even that-HAPPY. I just think these stigmas and labels are created by people who have no idea what they're talking about!
So I guess in their opinion, it's better to go without a loving family at all than to be adopted transracially? Give me a freaking break!
-Rania
"So I guess in their opinion, it's better to go without a loving family at all than to be adopted transracially?"
Definitely not. But better still to be with a family who respects your racial and ethnic heritage and makes sure you live in a community where you aren't the only one of you :)
I think it's important to acknowledge that the NABSW was concerned about the very real possibility of racial genocide when they made their statement. It definitely got people thinking about the importance of race in adoption, which has been very important.
I appreciate your point of view, and am glad I found your blog.
(PS I'm a transracial adoptive mom of two Korean children - well, hardly children anymore, 21 and 19 this month.)
thank you thank you thank you! I just came across your blog. I am a soon-to-be adoptive mama of a baby boy from Ethiopia and have a biological just-turned-2 year old son! Yeah we love boys too!! :)
As a white mom, I have really struggled recently with the very loud view from some in the black community on white parents having black children. When white people adopt white kids they are called racist because of all the black children in the system, but then families like us who couldn't care less about what race our children are adopt, we are dammed as well for being white and having black children. For the most part most things I have read or heard of have made it seem as if our future son would be better off in an orphanage then be raised by white parents. I feel like there is such a double standard when it comes to white parents having black children. If the situation was reversed and a black family adopted a white child, and white people said the things I have heard said, the black community would be outraged and scream racism...but when its white people adopting, it is just fine to say those things. I just don't understand. We are working hard to make sure we are in multi-racial churches, schools, playgroups etc, learning about our sons country and culture, connecting with other Ethiopians in the area etc. We are "color-aware" and are doing everything in our power to help any future race/identity issues that might arise. However, like I mentioned, it is VERY hard to feel accepted by the black community, which is hard for us.
One of my good friend growing up was biracial and adopted by white parents and has turned out great and is an amazing person. I only wish the adoptees that feel like you and my friend were more in the press. Alas, only negativity gets press :)
Anyway, thanks so much for you honest insight! It was a breath of fresh air.
my email is journeytojames127@gmail.com if you have any thoughts on what I said, I would love to hear your input! Thanks so much!