September 25, 2009 started like any other workday. It was a Friday, the final stretch into a highly anticipated weekend. I had been suffering from a nagging head cold that was proving to be quite relentless and my aching body longed for rest. The day before had been my birthday; my 37^th birthday and I awoke that morning to a kind of epiphany. I sensed a great need for change; the kind of change that shakes your world at its core and turns your reality upside down. Traditionally, turning 37 isn’t a milestone birthday. Unlike, turning 18, 21 or 40, where it’s understandable that you’d want to celebrate in a special way, turning 37 doesn’t garner that kind of attention. However, somewhere in my being I felt this need to go out and live it up. Perhaps it was due to some of the struggles I had faced over the past year and having been awakened to the fact that I am a stronger and more self-assured woman than I had thought.

As I slowly prepared myself for work I couldn’t shake the feeling of being suspended in space. I wanted to move forward, backward, up, down. Anywhere. Somewhere. I just needed to move and it felt as if my job was holding me in a state of suspension. I finished readying myself for work and once there I basically went through the motions like a robot. Around 4:30pm I looked at the time display on my monitor and perked up at the realization I only had 30 more minutes until I was liberated. I had just put myself into gear to do something constructive for the last half hour of work when the phone on my desk rang. It was my manager. I sauntered into her office hoping that she wouldn’t require my time past 5 o’clock.

By 4:37pm I was back at my office, with the manager standing next to me, watching as I collected all my belongings for a final and permanent departure. Once in my car, I sat there dazed and bewildered at the events that had just transpired. It hit me like a brick that I had just become a statistic. Was I the 1,017,835th person to become unemployed in Florida? Which number was I? According to the Bureau of Labor Statistics approximately 1,017,835 persons were unemployed in the state of Florida in September of last year. I pondered these numbers for a moment when I remembered the epiphany I had the morning of my birthday. Why had I felt so strongly that I needed change? Why had I been feeling stagnant where I was in life? I kept asking myself how was being laid off the answer?

As women, particularly mothers, our nature is to go into panic and even frantic mode. We tend to throw ourselves into a frenzy trying to find another job because we are wired to want balance and order in our lives. We want our families to be cared for, provided for and all needs met. Black women in particular, are accustomed to having to bring home the bacon, fry it up and serve it on a plate all with a smile and with little help, since many mothers in our community are the heads of household. If there is a break in this process, our immediate reaction is to want to put on our gloves and beat the heck out of our situation.

However, what happens after the axe falls can be the most riveting decision of your life. What if you don’t throw yourself into finding another job? What if you take a tranquility moment and listen to your spirit or meditate on where you want your life to go? You may have been working that job for the past few years because it paid well, it was with a good company and it was a reasonable means to an end. Perhaps not the end you wanted, but the end you could depend on. What if you make a decision that leads to the end you really want? What you if decide to drop kick fear in the rear instead of fighting the fact you are jobless? Then what....

We always say we don’t have time to go after our real dreams. Our J.O.B. is in the way. Time and again we’ll complain that if we didn’t have to work we’d start our own business; perhaps, go back to school; maybe, take up a hobby or be involved in charitable work.

After a long moment of deep thought I looked at myself in the rearview mirror and realized the hour of decision had arrived. These events had been revealed to me; I had foreseen them even before they had happened. Although, I didn’t know how the situation would play out, my inner most being had called for change. I was living it now and my decision would ultimately determine what my life would be after the pink slip. Would I choose the road less traveled or succumb to fear and go with the monotony of the past? I, audaciously, went with the unknown and I haven’t looked back.

It's official! I am a work at home mom and I. Love. It. The opportunities that keep coming my way have solidified that I am doing the right thing and that I am moving in the right direction. I challenge each of you to make 2010 the year you audaciously move toward your dream and conquer your fears. Happy Belated New Year!

picture: google images