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Monday, March 2, 2009
Mama Is Brown. Son Is Tan. Got Confusion?
I have a friend who is hispanic and she's married to an Irishman. Their daughter is lilly white with auburn hair and dark hazel eyes.My Indian friend from college was a fair skinned Brahmin and he married an ebony Kenyan woman. Their children are ebony like Mama with bone straight hair dark as jet like Papa.
My sister's BFF is probably one of the fairest people I know. Her hair is sandy blonde and she has light brown eyes. Both of her parents are mocha.
Is it possible that two brown haired people can have daughters with flaming red hair and green eyes? I went to grade school with both of these red headed girls with brown freckles.
When it comes to genes there really isn't any rhyme or reason as too what you will get when husband and wife come together to create a child. To switch up the line in the movie Forest Gump "Mixing genes is like a box of Chocolate. You never know whatcha gonna get."
I'm not really surprised by the way my children look. Mama is brown. The Hubster is pale. The kids could look like one of us, a mix of both of us or totally have their own look. Actually, I think both my kids favor me! Ha! Don't tell the Hubster and everyone else who has seen Lil One in person - they'll beg to differ. Hummmmmph... I KNOW that Lil Man favors me anyway without a shadow of a doubt - so I won't back down on that one. Hehe...
It appears for some people (or kids) seeing a Mama that doesn't look like her child can really take them for a loop. This is a cute story that happened last week.
I was at Lil Man's school picking him up from aftercare. I approached him and another little boy he was playing with and told Lil Man it was time to go. The boy is not in Lil Man's class, so he's not familiar with me. He looked at me and then at Lil Man. Then he asked "Is that a friend of your Mom's?". Lil Man gave him a weird look and told the boy that I am his Mom. The little boy said, "But she's not your color."
I waited to see how Lil Man would respond. I've dreaded for awhile knowing that at some point in his life he's going to have to be brave enough and knowledgeable enough to answer questions and comments like these. I think all parents of biracial children wonder if they've prepared their children well enough for the point of views the world will have about their identity.
Lil Man hesitated a moment and then he slowly started to speak. I could tell he was thinking hard about what to say. "She is (emphasizing the "is") my Mom. No, she's not the same color as me. But a Mother doesn't have to be the same color as her son to give him love." BINGO!! DING-DING-DING! The bells rang loudly in my ears. I was soooo proud of him coming up with that answer all by himself.
I think this son of mine is gonna be alright!
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25 comments:
That's wonderful, he totally gets it:) I'm already worried about these type of situations and our son isn't even born yet!
My husband's paternal grandfather is from Aberdeen, Scotland, and his maternal grandfather is from India. Then add a bit of Chinese in the mix! People think he is Hispanic, North African or Middle Eastern, but never Jamaican.
I'm not complaining, because that mix has given us three beautiful children! They all have hubby's light skin with Mama's kink to their hair.
Your son's response comes from the fact that he is secure in his mama's love. You've taught him well.
That's amazing.
You must be very proud of him.
I think your son is going to be a bit more than just "alright." He's got one pretty fabulous Mom to point him in the right direction in life.
This post is a testament to you as a parent. I loved it.
-Francesca
That was a great answer to a tough question! I often wonder about how my sons will handle these situations too. I am white but my husband is from El Salvador. My oldest son looks just like his dad, I mean 100% hispanic. My middle son I think looks more like me, and the baby is still anyones guess at this point, I see both so far. Anyways, at my son's school, he is in kindergarten, they always confuse him with the ESL kids. One time he bumped his head at school and they didn't call me because the nurse assumed that she needed an interpreter. I got a note sent home the next day about the incident completely in spanish! I talked to his teacher about this and she said they just get confused because his last name is Ortiz, does this mean if he had a chinese last name his note would have come home in chinese? I dont think so, not to mention if they even asked my son he would have said that his mom doesnt speak spanish. When I am with my sons in public people do not think that they are brothers, just friends. I get asked all the time which one is yours? I am glad that my children are different, I love that they share traits from both of our cultures. Thanks for this great post and letting me share my experience with you!
It's interesting to see how your son described his mom so simply and eloquently.
I think it's a reminder of how us adults can sometimes over-complicate things.
I am Native American/Mexican and my husband is black. When we were pregnant with our son, we assumed he would look like your typical mix kid. However, when our son was born he looked like a little Mexican boy with straight black hair & his skin tone was like mine. BUT as the days passed (literally) he got darker and darker. Now my son is a couple shades from his Daddy's color & many shades away from mommys! Oh and his hair has big curls (when we let it grow out) and it is so course! I wonder how our next child will turn out...hmmm
What a wonderful answer. A big thinker you have there.
Kids are truly amazing.
You have a wonderful site here. Love it, very inviting :)
Sounds to me like your son is already alright. Good for you mom for raising such a smart little man.
You did good,Quiskaeya. Your son is amazing!
Cute pics!
Get this my BF has bi racial sons. We used to laugh when the oldest was a tot, he is very bright and has the funniest hair, yep- one side is kinky and the other is straight as a board! Now that he is in high school, he has to keep it low- its still that way! Now the younger one came out with straight hair and dark skin. We lived in a small town and never looked at it as a skin thing- only when it was funny!
Your son is really something! What a great example to his brother.
Children say the most honest things. I love that story. It ill stay with you forever/
My son is much darker than both of us and while living in Jamaica no one ever made an issue out of it. Now that he goes to hs. in the US he gets comments from kids who have seen us together.
He is not phased he just says: "Mom some people just don't get Biology" and moves right on.
Good job! he explained that perfectly.
That is so sweet!! You must have been so proud that at that moment hearing him say that to his friend. Hopefully it was a learning moment for his friend!
I'm following you back - thanks for adding yourself to my follow list!
I'm hosting a giveaway on my blog - you'll probably like the product! It's for New Softlips Pure Lip Conditioner (certified organic and 100% natural)
Bravo Lil Man! I had to deal with this growing up and I am not even bi-racial...my mom is just very light...so light she is deceiving to the untrained eye. I had kids tell me my mother was white...not that it mattered but she's not. My thoughts were "how are you gonna tell ME what MY momma is?". LOL! This was a very cute and informative post! I enjoyed it!
:) This made me happy!
I'm hoping that when my daughter gets asked questions like that someday, she'll be able to answer as well as your son!
I'm glad to have found a blog with a family similar to ours!
Heya! My first time on your blog. I love your blog. Its fabulous. Stay sassy & fabulous. It keeps 'em guessing. I will be back. Ciao.
~ Secret Diary
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Hry MAMMA!!!
I had to go thru the same things with Frick and Frack....
Kids are wonderfully resilent (misspelled..lol)when it comest to these issues...But good that these conversations are being had! I agree with a previous comment maker-"Its a great answer to a hard question"
Tori
Thanks for the wonderful story. My son, who is now six, doesn't even blink when he sees parents and kids who aren't "the same color".
My sister-in-law is Japanese, and all of my cousin Steve's grandchildren are a beautiful "mocha" color.
He simply grew up knowing that they are different colors of skin and when they mix together, it creates something unique and special.
Now me? Pale as a ghost! Oh well.
What a answer! Being that all my children were adopted we get the same thing many times. However, it is more often than not comments made to one child about their brother or sister. One time a kid at the park asked one of my children, "Who is that boy?" and my son said, "He's my brother." The child said, "He can't be your brother, he's not the same color." My son, who was 3 at the time, looked at the boy and then at his brother and said, "Well he is and God put us in the same family. My Mommy and Daddy aren't the same color either, but their still my Mommy and Daddy."
That brought a tear to my eye...I hope that Kendall is able to give such a lovely response when someone mistakes me for her nanny...lol
My wife has sometimes been mistaken for my baby girl's nanny. As everyone else has said. Your son gets it. And both of your kids are beautiful.
I LOVE IT! Your son made the decision in his heart that there is no importance of color in LOVE and FAMILY.
A proud moment—the fruit of your labor!
Lil Man is one smart guy. I know you're proud of how he handled that.
Yeah, yeah, I know this post is months old, but it's my first time reading it and I HAVE to comment. Li'l Man is the man...lol! I know you must've been beaming with pride!! LOVE IT!