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Monday, March 17, 2008
Different, is Who We Are
I find as I'm getting older I have little tolerance for shallowness. Pettiness. Straight up trippin'. Being all out triflin'. Ever since Lil Man was a few months old we've been part of mommy/playgroups. They served us well for the most part. Lil Man got to play with kids his age in a close nit environment while I got to interact with other Mommies. It was a win-win situation.
I noticed that a few (not all) moms in the groups had clichish tendencies. I actually saw a mother give another mother the "once over" glance and then kept it movin. I guess she figured she could size up a person's personality in a 3 second blink. I didn't allow this nonsense to affect my participation. Instead I chose to stuck it out and after awhile I became apart of the peer group. More than anything, I hung in there for my son because he needed the bonding time with kids his age since he was a social butterfly.
I don't regret my experience with those mommy groups and actually, quite to the contrary. Because of the playgroups we were involved in we made some wonderful friends and received some great support. I've always promoted the idea of joining playgroups to other mothers. However, I can't help being reminded of the clichishness I saw in a few mothers when I first joined.
Lately, the idea of joining a playgroup has crossed my mind again since I'm once again a SAHM. I decided to give it another go. Everything went fine. The experience was neither worse or better than I imagined. Once again I resolved to stick it out and so far things are progressing fine.
This week the group leader asked for volunteers to host the Easter family fun day. I didn't offer because I'm in a one bedroom flat and there is simply not enough room for 30 people. All the other mothers offered their homes, with the exception of one mother who is also new to the group. After the meeting she darted over to me and said "Oh I see you didn't raise your hand either." Then she continued, "Some of these moms are just too different and I don't feel comfortable opennng my house to everyone."
Of course I had to ask her what she meant by different. She explained that some of the mothers didn't seem to have much in common with her. But here's the real kicker, she went on to say she prefers her kids play with children whose mom she can relate to. Why does she prefer this???? Because she wants to be able to be friends with the moms so she can enjoy her time too. Please ya'll, I don't want to get straight up ghetto on this woman, that's crazy talking right there.
Do you know the unfortunate thing? It had me wondering would this woman think me and my family too different because of our structure. It was only a fleeting momentary thought, but it did cross my mind. My family epitomizes different. We are a mix of different cultures, different ethnic groups, different languages, different traditions and the differences reach farther than these, but you get my point. What is this woman teaching her children about diversity? How will they survive in our ever changing and evolving world where what was novelty yesterday is the norm today? Maybe she can shelter herself from different, but her kids will have to find a way to deal with it.
I noticed that a few (not all) moms in the groups had clichish tendencies. I actually saw a mother give another mother the "once over" glance and then kept it movin. I guess she figured she could size up a person's personality in a 3 second blink. I didn't allow this nonsense to affect my participation. Instead I chose to stuck it out and after awhile I became apart of the peer group. More than anything, I hung in there for my son because he needed the bonding time with kids his age since he was a social butterfly.
I don't regret my experience with those mommy groups and actually, quite to the contrary. Because of the playgroups we were involved in we made some wonderful friends and received some great support. I've always promoted the idea of joining playgroups to other mothers. However, I can't help being reminded of the clichishness I saw in a few mothers when I first joined.
Lately, the idea of joining a playgroup has crossed my mind again since I'm once again a SAHM. I decided to give it another go. Everything went fine. The experience was neither worse or better than I imagined. Once again I resolved to stick it out and so far things are progressing fine.
This week the group leader asked for volunteers to host the Easter family fun day. I didn't offer because I'm in a one bedroom flat and there is simply not enough room for 30 people. All the other mothers offered their homes, with the exception of one mother who is also new to the group. After the meeting she darted over to me and said "Oh I see you didn't raise your hand either." Then she continued, "Some of these moms are just too different and I don't feel comfortable opennng my house to everyone."
Of course I had to ask her what she meant by different. She explained that some of the mothers didn't seem to have much in common with her. But here's the real kicker, she went on to say she prefers her kids play with children whose mom she can relate to. Why does she prefer this???? Because she wants to be able to be friends with the moms so she can enjoy her time too. Please ya'll, I don't want to get straight up ghetto on this woman, that's crazy talking right there.
Do you know the unfortunate thing? It had me wondering would this woman think me and my family too different because of our structure. It was only a fleeting momentary thought, but it did cross my mind. My family epitomizes different. We are a mix of different cultures, different ethnic groups, different languages, different traditions and the differences reach farther than these, but you get my point. What is this woman teaching her children about diversity? How will they survive in our ever changing and evolving world where what was novelty yesterday is the norm today? Maybe she can shelter herself from different, but her kids will have to find a way to deal with it.
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5 comments:
I think the mom just isn't comfortable yet with the idea of getting to know other types of people. Some just aren't there yet. It's too much work, too overwhelming and outside of their comfort box to be around people that she would have to force a conversation with. To this end, I understand her. Don't agree with it, but can understand her side.
As for me, I'm more like what you appear to be: a lot more tolerant and accepting of people's individuality and backgrounds. I have been uncomfortable but from my discomfort have learned from those around me: good or bad. Typically, though it's all good.
I think this woman is putting herself and her child at a disservice by not wanting to be surrounded by those "too different" than herself. But the good news is - in the long run, her child will more than likely have learned not to be so uncomfortable and may serve to teach his/her mother a thing or two about acceptance in the future.
At least, that's my optimism talking, anyway...
Rania
@ Rania: I hear what you are saying and I totally agree. This mother isn't comfortable with the idea of going outside her comfort zone. You're right that's a very understandable thing. I'm having a hard time understanding why she joined the group, if she knew she would probably have to deal with women who might not be like her. The only criteria for joining the group is to be a mother. Being a mother is a very broad terminology.
I guess I find it peculiar to put ones self in this kind of situation and then scrutinize people you don't know. The other thing that didn't make sense to me was that she prefers her children to befriend kids who's mother she gets on well with. Ex: How about if little Johnny likes to play with Michael in the group and she decides she doesn't like Michael's Mom "just because". Is it right to stop Johnny and Michael from being friends? Ya see what I mean? It just doesn't make sense to me. Anyway, girly I've commented long enough! Thanks for sharing your thoughts! Much appreciated.
I belonged to a couple of mom's groups and found them to be a little on the cliquish side as well. What is up with that?
I agree. I agree. Most of all how is she going to teach the kids that each one of us is unique. But then that's also a challenge to us.:-)
"Some of these moms are just too different and I don't feel comfortable opening my house to everyone."
This could be taken as a sign that she is not into relating to moms on a non-superficial level. She may be looking for something along the line of a giving and supporting true friendship. Perhaps she's not interested in just swapping tips on feeding and sleeping.
I myself pray for friendships now and never leave it up to coincidence that we live in the same neighborhood, share a child in the same age group, or even share the same faith. We must connect on deeper levels about moral issues.
Furthermore, I agree totally about not opening your home to strangers. That's the safest place in your world, next to the heart that is. Letting fake folk in either place can do serious damage.
My view...from experience!